Bachelorette
by your-street-serenade
Summary: AU. Bridesmaids Santana, Brittany and Quinn embark on a night of hijinks after they drunkenly destroy Mercedes' wedding dress. With only a night to make things right can they save the wedding, will Quinn ever get her crap together and will Brittana figure out how to make their relationship work again? Also will Mercedes refrain from killing them all?
1. Chapter 1

**Brittana/Unholy Trinity AU. Based on the movie Bachelorette.**

 **A/N: so I have 32 pages of 'it was love to me' written out but I'm kind of stuck on a scene and I just wanted to do something really quick and different and the first half of this movie gave me Unholy Trinity feels. So I kind of had to try this out...Warning: minor drug use/mention. Also the movie itself is a dark comedy so some characters are kind of assholey.**

X

''Things have been going really well. I've been working with these young women. Pregnant at sixteen sucks but...being pregnant sucks in general, but at sixteen sucks. _It's when it happens_.''

''When what happens?''

Quinn sat across from Mercedes in a warm but quiet little restaurant. The two had been chatting away, or more precisely Quinn, aloof and rigid, had been chatting away while Mercedes, beautiful and at ease, tried her best to interject. Quinn however had long mastered the art of somehow making every conversation and comment about herself.

They had been friends since high school.

Quinn, Mercedes, Santana and Brittany had together been known as The B Faces. The bitch clique who did what they wanted, who they wanted, when they wanted. They didn't really rule the school or terrorize the rest of the student body, that wasn't what they were about. All they really cared about was making it out together and taking care of each other. Yeah, there were occasional dust ups between them but nothing could ever truly break them apart for good.

Except, perhaps, for time.

After they graduated Santana and Brittany had both made their way to Los Angeles. The two of them had been ridiculously, seriously passionately in love as far as Quinn knew until about a month after their big move that she got word that they had broken up. Neither of them had ever offered her a reason why. Santana always managed to shrug off any and all questions with nonchalance and Brittany, well, any time she had broached the subject with Brittany, the other blonde just got really sad and really quiet and as cold as Quinn could be, she didn't have the heart to push.

Still, Santana and Brittany had apparently somehow managed to salvage their friendship, even as Santana, who had found a steady gig as a bartender, began bedding every hot girl in her zipcode. Brittany who had once dreamed of designing her own line of clothes herself had been languishing in retail hell. Unlike her ex Brittany had never taken to bed-hopping but had floundered through a series of casual relationships that never lasted for a couple of months at a time. The two of them had found a way to see, or at least pretend to see past all of their own past baggage to continue to be a part of each other's lives.

Because even when they weren't together, they were together, thought Quinn.

She and Mercedes had taken a different route. The two of them had found their way to New York after high school. Quinn made her way through college and med school to become a pediatrician while Mercedes found her calling in the fashion world and now worked for Vogue.

While Santana and Brittany were on the other side of the country, Quinn and Mercedes had tried to make due with each other, but their get togethers were always a little stilted and odd. Without the two other b faces the dynamics were thrown way off.

Mercedes was just too polite and too sweet to call Quinn out on her behavior. She always let Quinn dominate the conversation because it was just easier.

And even though Quinn knew she was kind of an asshole for always doing it, she could never really stop herself for whatever reason.

''Are you ladies ready to order?'' a waiter approached their table, interrupting their conversation.

Quinn opened her menu and skimmed her eyes over it. ''Oh I'll get the cobb salad with the no chicken, no bacon, no cheese and no avocado.''

Mercedes smiled at her friend who constantly denied herself the simple things in life. She turned to her waiter and began, ''I'll get the burger with fries, with maybe her bacon and her cheese and do not even bring me a dessert menu I already know I want the cheesecake. The brownie cheesecake.''

''I'm so glad you're not on that stupid diet anymore,'' Quinn remarked stuffily once the waiter had gone.

''Yeah me too it was making me a miserable person,'' Mercedes said nodding in agreement. Her face flashing with a hint of sympathy for the other woman. ''So! The reason I asked you to meet me is I have some news and it's really important. It's about Sam. I haven't really told anyone and-''

''Wait,'' Quinn interjected and held a hand to her heart, as if wounded. ''Can I say something, I think I know where this is going and I only say this because you're my friend and I really care about you. _Guys like Sam -_ born wealthy guys - they hate going public and if he doesn't want to be with you it's because he's an asshole, not because you're…'' Quinn trailed off and made a general wave towards Mercedes and her body. ''It's just that we've been friends since we were little girls and I want you to be with someone who shouts it from the rooftop.''

''I know and that's why I can't really keep it a secret anymore,'' Mercedes tried to start again. This time however she didn't fight the giant, breathtaking smile that bloomed across her face. ''Sam asked me to marry him.''

X

Somewhere in Los Angeles in a messy cluttered bedroom a naked Santana was startled awake by her cell phone which was buzzing wildly on the side table. She swiped at the screen to accept the call and was greeted with Quinn's nasally voice.

''Shit fuck what?!''

''What are you doing right now?'' Quinn demanded to know, foregoing all pleasantries.

Santana wiped the sleep from her eyes and turned and saw an equally naked girl sleeping at her side. Her body was half concealed with a sheet. The previous evening's activities came rushing back to her and she winced. She had totally hooked up with some random ass last night.

''Just like your typical sunday morning ,'' Santana drawled lazily to Quinn before locating her pack of smokes and lighting one up. She immediately took a long relaxing drag.

''It's monday and it's like noon in L.A.!''

Santana scoffed. _This bitch._ ''How do you know that you don't even fuckin' live here.''

''You don't even know my day right now, okay, listen, I was having lunch with Mercedes…''

Santana tumbled out of bed and did a couple of spins in place in an attempt to locate some clothes. She quickly pulled on a shirt that was not her own, only to holler ''FUCKER!''.

''Hey! I haven't even started the story yet!''

''I wasn't talking to you Fabray.'' Santana looked down at the article of clothing she was sporting that belonged to her one night stand. It was a Justin fucking Beiber concert tee. ''Ugh, I just realized the chick I slept with last night suuuuuuucks.''

''Will you stop thinking about yourself and your weird little life for one second and listen to me Santana.''

''Stop-stop-stop-stop,'' Santana groaned rapidly. ''I gotta conference in Brittany.''

''For fuck's sake just tell her later.''

''No, this conversation is so fucking long already I'm not gonna remember anything, so just hold on.'' Santana pulled the phone away from her face and started randomly smashing her pointer finger at the screen. She was way too tired for this, she was way too hungover for this.

X

Across town in Los Angeles Brittany stood bright eyed and bushy-tailed, sporting a ridiculously large floppy hat as she greeted customers walking into the upscale clothing boutique she worked at with her friend Kurt.

He had really done her a solid and put in a good word for her despite the fact that her resume and references had been less than stellar. Being a shop girl wasn't her dream job but it would have to do for the time being. Besides she really did love that feeling she got when she helped a person find their style and confidence with an outfit. It was all about expressing yourself, she thought.

One day her dream was to go back to school and finish what she had started, what she had come to Los Angeles to do, to create, to style, to design. It had always been the plan but life kind of happened, or rather heartbreak kind of happened. Maybe it was dumb, maybe she was dumb, she thought, but after she and Santana had broken up something had left her. A certain spark. A certain desire. When they fell apart and it all went down she found herself unable to create. It was like the colors had seemed to fade.

Things had never been the same after that.

Still, no one could ever take the place in her heart that belonged to her best friend which was why when her phone screen lit up with Santana's face Brittany immediately smiled and answered it.

''Britt,'' Santana said in greeting. ''Got a minute?''

''For you? Always.'' Brittany turned to Kurt and whispered with urgency, as if it were a life and death matter. ''I have to take this, it's work.''

He shook his head at her. _''You're at work.''_

Brittany waved him off and abandoned the busy work of folding shirts to begin wandering around the store through the aisles and racks, touching and admiring the clothing as Santana continued to speak silkily into her ear. ''I have Quinn on the line, she has something major to tell us.''

''Oooo, spill,'' Brittany urged with girlish intrigue.

Through the phone Quinn meanwhile grumbled at her two friends who couldn't quite tell that she was on the verge of collapse. ''So _as I was saying_ I was at lunch with Mercedes when she dropped a motherfucking bomb in my motherfucking lap. Are you bitches listening? Her boyfriend Sam proposed. Mercedes is getting married. _Married_.''

Santana made an indifferent, dismissive grunt while Brittany's speech devolved into happy squeaks and dolphin noises.

''So neither of you are going to back me up here?'' Quinn asked in a huff. ''I mean _I was supposed to be the first to get married_ , right? That was going to be me, obviously.''

''You know I googled that Sam guy a couple months back,'' Santana said, mumbling just slightly as she spoke with a cigarette dangling from between her lips. ''Aside from the guppy lips which FYI are fucking alarming, he's pretty cute.''

''Yeah,'' Brittany chirped. ''And he's supposed to be worth loads. He inherited his father's company and now he's like some super vegetarian guy or whatever.''

''I think you mean _humanitarian_ , babe,'' Santana corrected her gently with a soft chuckle.

''What's that again?'' Brittany asked, confused. ''If a vegetarian only eats vegetables, does a humanitarian only eat... _humans_?''

''Huh, not quite,'' Santana snickered. ''It just means he likes to help people a lot, B.''

''Ohhhhh, okaaaaay. Well good, because I would not approve of Mercedes marrying a cannibal.''

''Not that I would entirely rule him out as one,'' Santana continued. ''For serious, the dude has a totally giant ass trout mouth situation going on. Disturbing.''

''OH MY GOD YOU TWO!'' Quinn shouted down at them, breaking into their playful back and forth. ''You both know we're all going to have to be in this wedding now.''

''Silver lining,'' sang Brittany. ''We're gonna get to throw a bachelorette party and dress up and be cool, it's gonna be just like high school-''

''Hopefully _not_ just like high school.'' Quinn made a weird silly unpleasant throw uppy noise into the phone. ''Every time we went anywhere back then you two abandoned me so you could go screw each other like bunnies.''

''Whatever. High school was ages ago and Britt and I are like totally in a different place. Plus we're not even together anymore.''

''Yeah, we're like grown ups now Quinn,'' Brittany said as she turned a corner in an attempt to hide from her manager.

Santana looked down at her borrowed Justin Bieber shirt. ''We're totally adults.''

X

Six months later.

Santana stood on the sidewalk sporting shades and sipping from her coffee as she waited for Brittany to come down from her apartment.

She had her bags packed and had managed to funnel her coke stash into an empty travel bottle of baby powder because Mercedes and Sam's big day was finally near and she and Brittany were flying out together for the festivities together and she honestly wasn't sure she'd be able to make it through the weekend sober.

Santana was not looking forward to this wedding. Not really.

Unlike Quinn, she had actually found it it easier to be happy for Mercedes. She was a great chick and of course she deserved all the happiness in the world. It had been years since they had all been together but she loved the B-faces like family and she knew that would never change, it's just that she happened to still be in love with one particular B-face.

Brittany.

She and Brittany were still as close as they were all those years ago, except maybe minus all the nudity and orgasms but, they still spent most of their down time together. Seeing Brittany wouldn't be anything remotely new, no, but she feared that in a room with all of her old friends where drinks were running freely and everyone was filled with nostalgia she might say or do something and make a total idiot out of herself over the blonde again. And that? That was out of the fucking question.

Not after how it all ended, not after everything.

They had found a way to pull this friends thing off and the last thing she wanted to do was risk that.

Of course there were moments where she wanted to say fuck risk and fuck her heart, like now, when Brittany was walking towards her in a ridiculously revealing black strapless dress with her rolling suitcase dragging behind her.

''You look hot,'' Santana said with a playful twinkle in her eye.

Brittany leaned forward to peck her cheek in greeting. She placed her lips against the dimple in one of her tan cheeks. ''You're just saying that so I can forgive you for being late.''

''Late, I'm not late,'' Santana half chuckled, half scoffed.

''You said you'd be here an hour ago.''

Santana opened her mouth as if to combat that but then in defeat she simply sank her shoulders. ''Alright I'm late but it couldn't be helped, something came up.''

''Something came up or _someone_ came up?'' Brittany asked with a raised eyebrow.

After they split Santana had developed the habit of hooking up with random snatch and it wasn't out of the ordinary for her to lose track of time or become preoccupied with a conquest for a couple of hours only to be forgotten by the next day.

''Let's just say I was running on time until I stopped for coffee and the female barista asked me if I _wanted to see where they kept all of that whip cream in the back_ and-''

''Do I wanna know the rest of this story?''

''Probably not but on the plus side,'' Santana paused briefly to hold up a small white paper bag which she wiggled in front of Brittany's face, ''she hooked me up with a couple of free scones after we were done. You wannnnnt?''

Amused, Brittany's shoulders shook with laughter. ''No, I do not want your weird sex scones.''

''Hey my sex scones are delicious! I had one on the way here.''

''Whatever, you're carrying my bag.'' Brittany pushed the handle of her luggage into Santana's hand.

Santana grinned and obliged, tickled with their teasing back and forth. She loaded Brittany's bag into the back of her vehicle and then like a gentlewoman opened and held the passenger door for the blonde.

''You're ridiculous,'' Brittany said at Santana's adorable gesture.

''Yeah, I am.''

A couple of hours later they were in the air, having a laugh as they slouched in their seats. Santana had given Brittany the window seat, because she always gave Brittany the window seat. Her favorite thing to do when they were flying together was watch Brittany as Brittany watched the clouds.

A female flight attendant interrupted Brittany's cloud watching and Santana's Brittany watching when she stopped to deliver their second round of drinks. The woman smiled a little too long and a little too appreciatively at Santana who just smiled back but sent the woman off with a simple thank you.

Brittany tried to pretend she didn't care or notice that unspoken but flirtatious exchange. She was just thankful that Santana turned her attention back to her and their conversation which had become increasingly giggly as they started down memory lane...

''Oh my god,'' Santana cackled a half hour later, her eyes were crinkled up in laughter. ''Do you remember junior prom when you and I totally walked in on Quinn and that teacup chihuahua Rachel Berry making out in the bathroom?''

''And she made us promise to never tell anyone?''

''Yeah I told like five people that night.''

''No!''

''Yes. Those two always had some weirdly intense sexual tension thing going on.''

''You know she's going to be at the wedding. Rachel I mean. Her and a whole bunch of people from high school.''

''Ugh. See we're smart.'' Santana raised her clear plastic cup and swirled it around lightly. ''We're getting a head start cause you know everyone's going to need to be inebriated to make it through tonight's rehearsal dinner. I pity the fool who walks into that dining hall sober. God. A room full of assholes from high school.''

Brittany nodded and wrinkled her nose up at the thought. She tended to get along with people easier than Santana but it still didn't sound like her idea of a good time. The majority of her high school classmates thought she was stupid. ''But at least all the B-faces will be together. We'll have each other. You, me, Quinn and Mercedes.''

''Yeah, yeah, seeing Mercedes again will be awesome but between you and me, I'm not looking forward to hanging out with Q this weekend.''

''What are you talking about?''

''It's just all this marriage shit has Quinn all twisted up about her own junk and she's been irrationally pissed off lately.''

''Yeah but Quinn's always irrationally pissed off.''

''True. But this time it's different. Back in high school Quinn always tied up all of her self worth in being able to pull of this charade of being some picture fucking perfect waspy chastity queen? She was all about being perfect, having the perfect life. And now,'' Santana laughed and tossed back the last sip of her alcohol. ''She's going to have to watch one of her oldest friend's walk down the aisle first.''

''But Mercedes _deserves_ to be happy.''

''Wuh of course she does, we know that and deep down Quinn knows that, but let's be real Q is not over all of her stupid ass teenage stuff and that's bound to leak out somehow.''

Brittany shrugged. She could understand that, sorta. ''You never know though, maybe she is over it. Maybe she's turned a new leaf. Like us.'' She bumped into Santana's shoulder affectionately. ''We're in a totally different place than we were when we were all sixteen and I think for the most part me and you are over our high school stuff. Right?''

Santana didn't answer.

''Maybe Quinn's gotten over hers too,'' Brittany suggested.

''I doubt it. God we were all such messes,'' Santana sighed, smiling wistfully. They were total mess, but also, _totally hot messes_.

''We were,'' Brittany said fondly as she recalled her own wonderfully ridiculous memories to mind. ''Except Mercedes. We were all total messes but Mercedes...looking back now I think she had it all together, like as much as any teenage girl can.''

''She kept us afloat, that's for sure. I don't even know if the B-faces would have been a thing if she hadn't held us together which is exactly why we gotta make sure no one, including Quinn, shits on her big day.''

''Deal.''

''Deal.''

Brittany held up her pinky and Santana linked her own into it.

''God I really can't believe this is happening. Like. One of the B-faces is taking the plunge. It's just...I mean…'' Brittany hiccuped. ''Did you ever think Mercedes would be the first one of us to get married?''

Santana turned away and became preoccupied with the back of the seat in front of her. ''Um…..''

The truth was Santana never once thought Mercedes would be the first of them to marry, hell, she didn't even think Quinn would be the first. Once upon a time way back when, when she was still someone who dared to dream about a future she had a very specific image of who she always imagined to be the first of their group to walk down the aisle.

She always thought it would be Brittany and she had always thought she'd be the one to walk down and stand with the blonde at the alter. It was always going to be them, she had once thought, had once dreamed. But.

''No...no, I didn't,'' Santana answered with a mouth that was suddenly dry. She shook herself out of her fog and started to stand in the aisle. ''I think I'm gonna go find that flight attendant-''

Brittany widened her eyes as if to say _really?_

'' _Not for that,_ '' Santana explained with a playful roll of her eyes. ''I just want to stretch my legs and get us a couple more drinks. Besides I'm already a member of the mile high club...if you recall you actually inducted me into it.''

Brittany squinted her eyes as if in deep thought and brought a finger up to her lips which she tapped gently as trying to recall an ancient memory. ''Hmmmmm, now that you mention it yes, I do seem to remember you and I encountered a little bit or turbulence in a stall together once.''

Santana remembered that Brittany-induced turbulence fondly. It was a couple of weeks after high school graduation, they had packed their bags as well as all of their hopes and dreams, hopped a plane and never looked back. They had been starting their life together, or so Santana had thought. And when Brittany had kissed her cheek and whispered for her to wait five minutes and then meet her at the last bathroom stall in the rear of the plane, well Santana had never been more sure.

This was it, she had once thought. Brittany was the one, the only one. And she knew what that meant. She knew what she had to do.

Thousands of feet in the air, they had kissed madly, seriously, passionately and fumbled with each other's clothing. It hadn't been the best sex they had ever had, but in the moment it really hadn't seemed to matter to each of them, because it was never about being perfect, it was about the adventure. As they laughed and pushed against each other, banging elbows and knees in the tiny, cramped compartment Santana knew Brittany was the only person in this world she would ever want to go on this adventure with.

How fucking pathetic and foolish she had felt when after only a month in Los Angeles together they fell apart.

 _No_ , Santana now mused inwardly as she started off towards the back of the plane in search of liquor, _she was not looking forward to this fucking weekend of giggles and nostalgia_.

''Fuck my life,'' she muttered to herself as she found an unguarded cart full of tiny liquor bottles and immediately popped one open, downing the entire thing in a single gulp.

X

 **TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: so the bones and the general tone of the story is based off of Bachelorette but I'm taking liberties and making some tweaks here and there obviously. I kind of planned to follow the story more closely but then when I started writing I just couldn't help injecting a lot of my own dialogue into it. So dialogue wise it's like 20% movie, 80% me. But you should still go watch the Bachelorette (2012) trailer, or if you have Amazon Prime it's streaming. :)**

 **Also just to be clear this fic will be primarily Brittana, with lots of Quinn and Mercedes.**

X

Later that evening Quinn sat in the hotel lobby alone and waiting and reflecting. She smoothed down her perfectly styled hair and adjusted her already perfectly tailored clothing. She was on the outside the picture of perfection, of elegance, of sophistication.

And she was so very utterly miserable.

Soon Mercedes would come swooping in to join her with her giant smile and never ending enthusiasm. She was the bride to be after all and had spent the last few months floating on a blissful high. For the past several weeks she had stars in her eyes...and Quinn, well, Quinn sometimes wished them away.

It wasn't that she wasn't happy for Mercedes, it was just that in comparison, Quinn seemed like she was miles behind her.

She was the B-face who was supposed to have it all, after all. The one who was supposed to do it all and be it all. It was what she had been working towards her entire life. She had the perfect grades and the perfect hair and the perfect house, she got into the perfect college and found the perfect job and got the perfect apartment - so where the hell was her perfect husband? Where the hell was her perfect life? Where the hell was her adventure?

She went to work, she exercised and then she went home to pre-cooked meals for one which she would eat at her dining table across from exactly no one.

She knew it was wrong, she knew it was petty, she knew it made her the bitchiest bitch face of them all to think this way, to feel like she was losing the this four way race, because this was Mercedes and there wasn't a thing in this world she wouldn't do or be for her fellow B-face.

So when Mercedes had asked her to be the maid of honor Quinn had sucked it up and stepped up to the plate. She had interviewed the best bands and tasted cakes and went to dress fittings and bitched out caterers because despite everything else she knew, that's what you do. She had to be a bigger person, a better friend, because that's what Mercedes deserved.

Still, she planned to have several drinks over the weekend just to dull the ache over her own unsatisfactory life.

And it wasn't even like she was going to have Brittany and Santana as her back up, not really. Again, even when they weren't together they were always together. They would eventually slink off to do their own thing when Santana eventually got bored or frustrated with Quinn. She would inevitably storm off and Brittany would inevitably choose Santana's company over hers.

So really what did Quinn have to look forward to this weekend for?

It really just served to remind her of how completely and utterly hollow she felt. She had no one, no family, no ring, no promise of a bright and sparkling future. And granted Santana and Brittany didn't exactly have those things either but they had each other. At least they had that, at least they had something.

All Quinn had were secrets.

And to be left alone with them was the loneliest feeling in the world.

''YO BITCH FACE!''

Quinn snapped out of her thoughts as she saw Santana and Brittany dancing through the lobby together, clearly already buzzed on something, as they made their way to her. Despite everything Quinn didn't have to force the grin that broke out into her face as she stood and walked to meet them. She captured them both, wrapping an arm around each of them.

''Hey Fabray,'' Santana grunted, not so keen on the friendly display of affection. ''I know your frigid little body is starved for human contact but I ain't here for you to get your grope on. You mind like stepping off.''

''Yay, ohmygod B-face hug!'' Brittany squealed and hopped, more excited to be in Quinn's embrace.

Quinn took a breath and stepped back to look at her two friends. ''Alright, so how are we going to get through the next twelve hours?''

''Oh, Santana brought cocaine!'' Brittany exclaimed only to have Quinn jump forward to clamp her hands around the other blonde's mouth.

''You two are already high aren't you?'' Quinn accused in a hushed intense little whisper.

''What? No,'' Santana whisper-shouted right back at her. ''God, Q, give us a little credit here.''

''We've only had like a couple of dozen tiny liquor bottles on the plane,'' said Brittany. ''But listen Santana and I were talking on the way here and we agreed, _we have to do some_ before the bachelorette party.''

''Do some what?'' Quinn asked.

''Coke,'' Santana said.

''Are you two serious?''

''Of course,'' Brittany leaned in and began to speak conspiratorially, ''we have to do it before because when this thing starts tonight we don't want to be sharing our coke with rando bridesmaids.''

Santana nodded. ''It's for B-faces only.''

Quinn shook her head in admonishment. She loved her two fellow B-faces to pieces, but the pair had yet to grow up and get their acts together. In contrast Quinn and Mercedes had far more impressive careers now and with a certain social standing they had both toned done any wild ways from their youth. Santana and Brittany had their mature moments sure, but could sometimes revert to well…

''So let's all do a line before dinner huh?'' Santana pulled a travel sized bottle of baby powder from her handbag and tossed it at Quinn.

''Me first,'' Brittany declared and tried to snatch the bottle from Quinn who quickly snatched it back.

''No, no,'' Quinn said sharply. ''You will do no such thing! Not tonight, not this weekend, neither of you.''

''You know this is really good expensive stuff,'' Santana informed her yanking the bottle out of Quinn's hands and dropping it back into her bag. ''You could sound grateful and just say no thank you. God, you act like you've never done any.''

''Yeah I have a long, long time ago,'' said Quinn. ''Look you two are adults and you can do whatever the hell you want on your own damn time but tonight is about Mercedes and she doesn't need you two doing anything to cause a scene or disruption.''

Santana rolled her eyes. ''Yeah cause it's me and Britt that she has to worry about ruining her wedding,'' she said sarcastically.

''What the hell does that mean?''

''Nothing, she means nothing,'' Brittany said, trying to step between them and quell the tension between the two B-faces that always found a way to butt heads.

''What I mean,'' Santana began, gently pushing Brittany aside, not wanting to be soothed or calmed as she stepped closer to confront Quinn in a low whisper, ''is that you don't have to worry about Britt and I okay? If anyone is gonna somehow ruin this fucking wedding it's gonna be you with your jealous petty ass and we all know it so you need to just calm your shit.''

''You calm your shit, Santana,'' Quinn whispered back, her tone full of venom.

''You know what, both of you need to calm your shit,'' Brittany said, not wanting to be brushed aside. She stepped towards Santana however making it very clear where her loyalty lied.

''Whatever. I'm the maid of fucking honor though,'' Quinn said. She took a deep breath and composed herself. ''So just...whatever.''

The three of them stood in silence for a long and loaded moment until they all heard the infectious and unmistakable voice and laughter of their and fellow B-face, Mercedes Jones.

''Ahhhhh,'' Mercedes exclaimed as she made her way over to them, her arms open and ready for an embrace.

And just like that in an instant, with Mercedes presence the tension that had been building in the air disappeared and they all piled in for a group hug that even Santana looked like she enjoyed. The claws retracted and Quinn put on her best happy supportive maid of honor smile, she wasn't about to let her and Santana's squabble hamper Mercedes' mirth.

''You guys I'm so excited. I can't believe you're all here for my wedding! Wow that still feels so weird to say. _My wedding._ Me.'' Mercedes looked both overjoyed and overwhelmed. ''Brittany, San...you both look so...so…''

''Drunk?'' Quinn supplied under her breath.

''What?'' Mercedes asked, not quite catching that.

''Nothing.''

Mercedes looked between them but didn't think anything of it as she continued. ''You both look so good. I'm so glad you two are here. Did Quinn tell you about the party tonight?''

''I was just about to tell them actually, but why don't you do the honors.''

''Well okay,'' Mercedes said, her eyes lit up with glee as she looked to the two L.A. based B-faces. ''It's a little last minute but after the rehearsal dinner tonight we... _are having champagne and ice cream in our suite_.''

Santana forced an awkward smile and tried to hide the fact that she was hoping for just a little more debauchery during the evening's festivities.

Brittany just nodded along at Mercedes. ''Great, but then _after that_ we're gonna like really party right? Like,'' she stopped speaking and began to mime a series of movements. Touching her boobs. Snorting an imaginary line of coke. Making a V with her fingers and placing it to her mouth to wiggle her tongue between her two digits. She ended it with a weirdly lewd pump of her hips. ''Like that right?''

Quinn looked on horrified while Santana's shoulders shook with silent laughter.

Mercedes wasn't so much scandalized as she was amused with her friend. ''Oh no. Not really. A lot of the other bridesmaids are pretty lowkey so we thought we'd keep it simple. And besides I'm not a big partier anymore, heh. Not like some people.'' She nudged Quinn in the side and pointed playfully at Santana and Brittany. ''Not like you two.''

''You know our car is waiting so we should all head out,'' Quinn announced and wrapped an arm around Mercedes affectionately and began leading the bride to be through the hotel lobby leaving the Santana and Brittany to stand alone-together.

''We're totally gonna keep it lowkey too,'' Brittany said to her friend's backs as they continued to walk away. ''That's what Santana and I are totally gonna do cause that's like the kind of girls we are now. Lowkey.''

They watched as a bellhop held the elaborate glass doors open for Mercedes and Quinn as they made their exit from the building and slid into the hired care for the evening.

Santana turned to Brittany after the others were out of earshot. ''Let's do some coke.''

''Yesssss.'' Brittany did a double fist pump.

A half hour later they were in the bathroom of the very trendy upscale restaurant the rehearsal dinner was to be taking place in. They had each just finished doing a tiny bump as they stood in front of the long row of sinks and were now inspecting themselves in the mirror.

''Mercedes is really happy isn't she?'' Brittany asked in a moment of thoughtfulness and clarity

Santana sniffed her nose loudly and rubbed her hand against it briefly before looking her friend-slash-ex in the eyes. ''Yeah. I think she is. Why?''

''I don't know. Do you think Quinn is happy?''

''Quinn is never happy.''

''...well do you think we're happy?''

''What is this? Where is this coming from?''

''I have no idea. I think the coke is making me thinky or something. It's nothing I'm fine, I'm good.''

Santana watched Brittany do a little shoulder wiggle as if finding her balance and train of thought again.

''Tonight I think we should make a promise,'' Santana began.

''Hm?''

''No matter what happens we won't leave each other's side. Tonight it'll just be me and you. I don't want to be left alone in a room full of strangers and assholes from our old high school. Can we do that?''

''Of course. Me and you. But you have to mean it too.'' She gave Santana a playful poke in the side.

''Why wouldn't I mean it if I'm the one who brought it up?''

''Just try not to ditch me to hook up with some hot bridesmaid will you?''

Santana smirked. ''Why would I when I'm already hanging out with, like, the hottest bridesmaid here.''

''Exactly how much have you had to drink?''

''Why?''

''Because,'' laughed Brittany. ''My buzz has worn off mostly but you, when you get tipsy you get horny.''

Santana scoffed comically, making funny cute sputtering noises. ''Shut up.''

''We dated for like all of high school, you know it's true. You would get tipsy and then you would get all riled up and then before you knew it your head was somehow magically between my legs.''

Santana looked up wistfully in remembrance, batting her eyelashes rapidly. ''Ahhh, prom night. Good times.'' She looked back down at her friend. ''And don't pretend like you didn't love it.''

''Who said I didn't?'' Brittany countered with a shrug.

''And like you're one to talk. You're the one who turns into a stripper when you're drunk.''

''And I have to accept and embrace that. Oooo you know what, speaking of strippers I sorta kinda maybe might have arranged a little something for tonight as like my wedding gift to Mercedes.''

''What? You don't know any strippers.''

''I know a guy who moonlights to put himself through fashion school here in New York, he's a friend. Or well a friend of my friend Kurt's anyway. I gave him all the deets about how awesomely close the B-faces were back in the day. I told him how cool Mercedes was and like everything that happened back in high school-''

Santana's voice went low and angry as she recalled a rather unpleasant memory. ''Like that one year some asshole hacked into the yearbook team's system and-''

''-changed it so under Mercedes' class photo it said 'Pigface' instead of her name,'' Brittany finished quietly, her voice taking on a sorrowful tone. ''Yeah…''

The B-faces as a clique for the most part had stuck to themselves in high school. Never causing any major drama or trouble. They didn't exist to torment, all they ever wanted, all they ever demanded was respect. And so when that happened, when their fellow B-face was so openly disrespected and humiliated Santana had taken it upon herself to do what needed to be done. She had found out who was behind the nasty little prank, some girl named Bree, and had given her what she had coming.

She, Quinn and Brittany had wrangled the girl into the empty girl's locker room one day where thanks to the strength of Lauren Zizes, the only female wrestler on the school's team, they had managed to overpower her long enough to duct tape her hands, feet and mid-section to a row of gym lockers. There Bree wiggled and struggled to break free but that duct tape was as strong as a bitch, and so they left her there, hanging off of the wall and cursing at them. Of course not before Santana stepped up to stand in front of the other girl with a single clear strip of tape which she placed at Bree's nose, just so, lifting it up ever so slightly so that when the tape stuck so that Bree herself made the classic pigface. _''Now who's the fucking pigface,''_ Santana had said before she and the others walked away.

It wasn't until two hours later that the cheer squad were done with practice and filtered in and found the girl there taped to the lockers, raging and crying in humiliation as the squad pointed, laughed and took pics with their phones.

The Pigface incident was a sore subject. It had hurt Mercedes but she had insisted that she was beyond all of that, all of the cruel laughter and needless hate, that she wasn't going to let it touch her. Still though how couldn't that screw your head and your heart up, Santana thought.

''...Anyway he said he'd do me a favor so,'' Brittany resumed.

Santana came back to reality. ''A stripper huh? You know Quinn is going to hate that right? Good job! I love it. You're so smart.''

Brittany looked proud and bounced in place before attempting to calm herself. ''I am?''

''Totally, now let's go out and do this, we didn't come all the way to New York to hang out in a bathroom. How do my boobs look?''

''Delicious.''

''Let's do this.''

Together they marched out of the restroom, down a hallway and entered the main dining room which was filled with violin music, as well as a hundred or so people. Most were complete strangers but a few were easily recognizable as former classmates, classmates that Mercedes was kind and thoughtful enough to invite to her big day.

There was of course Rachel fucking Berry, the human version of a headache. Tina Cohen Chang who was harmless and boring enough to be tolerated. No relation to Mike Chang who was chatting up Artie Abrams, the nerd Santana had once suspected of having a crush on Brittany way back in the day. The always obnoxious Sugar Motta also appeared to be in deep conversation with the quiet and prim Jane Hayward who looked mildly frightened by the girl.

The rest of the people in the room Santana had no clue about and she was certainly in no rush to get to know them.

''Hey,'' Mercedes appeared before them before they could make a made dash to find their table. ''So I'd like you both to meet Sam Evans.'' With a flourish of her hand Sam appeared at her side and beamed at them both.

Maybe it was the tiny bottles of alcohol, maybe it was the bumps of coke, but they both comically winced at his smile. He had the most giant mouth either of them had ever seen on man or animal. He was sorta handsome in like a weird fishy way.

''I've heard so many amazing things about you two,'' Sam began kindly, looking to them and to Mercedes and back again. ''She's told me crazy story after crazy story about your old high school days. I'm a fan. But then I'm a fan of anything or anyone Mercedes loves so.''

Mercedes rewarded him with a kiss to the cheek. ''You know you can stop with the flattery, I've already agreed to marry you, right?''

''Yeah know it's not flattery if it's true. Besides I gotta work this game until you walk down that aisle and I lock this thing down,'' Sam said jokingly. ''I mean if I don't you might wake up and realize that you're out of my league, Jones.''

''Boy, you're being silly!''

''You're being silly!''

''I'm not silly, you're silly!''

The couple then dissolved into silly cooing, pecks and eskimo kisses. They were wonderfully, pathetically in love. The kind of love that blinds you to the fact that you were annoying your friends who had to stand by and watch you make kissy-sucky sounds as your mouths met.

Santana and Brittany stood and watched. It was a little awkward if only because once upon a time they had been that couple. That ridiculously grossly in love kind of couple. Being on the other side of it, having to watch another pair act all deliriously happy - little uncomfortable.

Thankfully Mercedes and Sam pulled themselves away from each other and returned to the conversation.

''So uh how long have you two been together?'' Sam asked, completely clueless.

Brittany awkwardly shifted in place but said nothing. Santana blinked unevenly, like some small injured squirrel.

Mercedes stepped up to cover for Sam's mistake. ''Um, they're not a couple,'' she gently reminded him, patting his shoulder with affection.

''They're not?'' he squeaked. ''I thought you told me these two were the ones who were in love? Right?''

Mercedes widened her eyes to her soon to be husband in warning, conveying to him a silent _'please shut your mouth, sweetheart'_. ''I said they dated. A long time ago.''

Sam looked confused but decided to leave it alone. He was just eager to make a good impression. He was crazy about Mercedes and just wanted to make nice with her best and oldest friends.

''Do you guys wanna hear my Mcconaughey impression?'' he asked for some unknown reason.

''Please fucking god no,'' Santana said under her breath, paralyzed in fear over the idea of being subjected to such a thing. ''Question though, Sam, this,'' she pointed around the room over towards the bar area where people were being served, ''this is an open bar right?''

''Ohh ye-yeah, absolutely,'' he stammered, eager to get in her good graces. ''Come on, I'll go with you, we'll grab a few.''

Santana started off without another word and Sam scampered after her leaving Brittany to stand with Mercedes who leapt into an apology.

''Sorry about that,'' Mercedes said and placed a hand on Brittany's upper arm. ''I was just filling him on the basics of everyone and I think he just misinterpreted something I said. That you two had dated but that it was over.''

''Yeah,'' Brittany sighed glumly.

''How are things though? How's the job, how's life? Dating anyone?''

''I'm dating a little but, no one special. I'm just….'' Brittany shrugged at a loss for words. ''I'm just okay.''

''And Santana?''

''She's Santana.''

Mercedes looked at Brittany and then turned to look over across to the other side of the room where Santana was standing with Sam at the bar waiting for their drinks to be served.

''Are you two ever gonna give your thing another try again?'' Mercedes asked in a hushed tone, careful that no one around heard. ''It's been, what, almost ten years since it happened.''

''Exactly, and if it was gonna happen it would've already, but it hasn't and it won't because she's over me and you know what,I'm over her. We're both over it and we're good now.''

''Are you?'' Mercedes didn't sound like bought that.

''Yeah I am. Really,'' Brittany insisted with a false smile. ''What Santana and I had, it was high school-''

''What you and Santana had was _anything_ but high school.''

''If that's true then why is it that once we got out of high school and into the real world, it got messy and fell apart all over us?''

''That...that I can't answer, but that's what life is, Britt. It's messy sometimes. It doesn't mean it's over. It's a part of the adventure. If anyone could appreciate that I thought it'd be you.''

''I get what you're trying to say and do, I really do, and of course I still love Santana, I mean, I love all of you B-faces-''

''Sure, but it's different with her,'' Mercedes laughed. ''I mean you certainly weren't writing my name or Quinn's name on the inside of your notebook in high school, no, youuuuu were scrawling Santana Lopez all over the place with little cartoon hearts flying over her name. You love her in a different way. A serious, passionate way I've never seen you love anything or anyone else.''

Brittany shook her head at that. ''Even if I was...even if I still wanted...it wouldn't matter, Mercedes, because Santana is over me. What happened-happened...and maybe I do wish it was different but she walked away, she finished things.''

''She was hurt, Brittany.''

''And I wasn't? We were eighteen and I got scared and at the first speed bump in our relationship she just walked. So…..yeah. Trust me when I say it's over.''

Mercedes exhaled and decided to back off of the subject. ''I guess,'' she said softly, looking once again to Santana over at the bar where Sam now appeared to be introducing her to a woman. A pretty blonde woman who immediately offered Santana her hand.

''Who is that?'' Brittany zeroed in on the scene.

X

''This is my sister Kitty,'' Sam began the introductions when his sister had found him at the bar and had taken an intense and sudden and not so innocent interest in Santana. ''Kitty, remember how I was telling you about the B-faces, Mercedes' friends? This is Santana Lopez, she's one of them.''

''Hi. It's very nice to meet you,'' Kitty said and stepped forward to offer Santana her hand.

''Yeah, same.''

''So is it Mrs. Lopez or…?''

''It's Ms. I'm not married.''

''Oh, _interesting_.''

And then as per usual Santana's undeniable sexual magnetism worked yet again as Kitty started to give her the tell-tell signs of _wanting all up on her_. She gave her the eyes and the hair toss and the lean. Santana wasn't exactly basking in the attention but it was a somewhat welcome distraction as Kitty came to stand beside her, practically draping herself against her as she asked Santana stupid question after stupid question.

Sam putting his foot in his mouth about her and Brittany's relationship had been an accident but the belly flop that her heart did in her chest had been all too real and all too uncomfortable. She hated talking about their past, because it inevitably led to her ass dissolving into a fucking sobbing mess.

And that wasn't how Santana Lopez rolled anymore.

Eventually though after a good ten minutes of Kitty rubbing up on her side the blonde woman was called away by some other family member in the room.

''Alright I have to go but um, when we do this dinner thing...would you like to sit next to me,'' Kitty asked.

Santana let out a chuckle. ''Well I think everyone has those little name plates, so, whatever those say, I mean…''

''Well, if we don't end up sitting next to each other at dinner I guess I'll catch up with you later at the bachelorette party. Yeah?''

''Sure. Yeah. Okay,'' Santana offered noncommittally.

Kitty gave her one of those waves where she wiggled her fingers at her and then she disappeared into the standing mingling crowds.

Sam, who had been witness to the entire exchange, just sighed and looked like he was about to faint. ''Please don't nail my sister.''

Santana just laughed dismissively. ''That depends.''

''On what exactly?''

''On if you're serious about Mercedes.''

''I'm more than serious. I'm marrying her. I love her,'' he said without hesitance, completely unwavering in his devotion. ''I love everything about her. She's the one for me.''

''Listen Sam you seem like a nice guy but I mean you are pushing, what, 30, and you're still rocking Bieber hair? That fact alone makes me seriously question anything you do.''

Sam laughed, he wasn't so much offended as he was amused with her.

''But I'm still gonna give you some real advice, alright,'' Santana continued in a bored tone. ''There's no such thing as the one. You might think that now but you're wrong. There's just people. Sometimes people make sense together, sometimes they don't. If you're lucky to find someone who you make sense with you ride it the fuck out, you have fun, have some orgasms and then when the time comes you call it a day. You and Mercedes you seem to make sense together and I'm sure you will have many happy years together too, but _don't_ count on forever. Don't ever count on forever. You hear me?''

Sam squinted, unsure of where this spiel was coming from or why it was aimed at him when it seemed she was drawing on her own weird issues.

''As her friend all I ask is that you be good to her, respect her and love her for as long as you have her,'' Santana said.

''And if I don't?'' he asked out of curiosity.

''And if you don't, if you and your giant ass trout mouth ever hurt her you can expect a very special visit from all of the B-faces,'' she turned her body to face him head on and place both of her hands atop of his shoulders, ''and trust me when I say we will burn your life down. And then? _Then I will nail your sister._ I will fuck her ten different ways. I will nail her so hard, Sam, _your mother will feel it_.''

Disturbed by that last bit of imagery he yelped, ''What does that mean?''

''I have no idea but it sounded badass in my head. My point though is: don't do anything to screw it up. Cause Mercedes...she's one of the best people I know and she deserves to be happy so give her that for as long as you can...for as long as she'll let you.''

''Santana, look, you and your friends don't have to worry about anything like that because,'' a laugh left his body as he looked over at his soon to be wife standing on the other side of the room with Brittany who appeared to be watching them, ''as far as I'm concerned I'm the lucky one. She is the funniest, sweetest, most amazing person I've ever known, and yeah it kinda helps that she's like totally beautiful too, but I know my heart's safe with her and her heart is safe with me. I wouldn't have asked her to spend the rest of her life with me if I wasn't ready to give mine to her - you've probably never proposed to anybody but-''

Santana flinched at those words that seemed to stake her heart the moment they left his mouth.

''-when you know, you just know,'' Sam finished. ''And I get it, you just want to make sure no one hurts your friend and that's totally cool and I can respect that, although _I do hope_ when you make your speech tonight at dinner what you have to say is a little more romantic than-''

''Wait-WHAT?!'' she said, waving her hand about, shushing him. ''I have to give a fucking speech?''

''Wuh, Quinn told me and Mercedes all the B-faces were. You are, aren't you?''

''That bitch Fabray,'' Santana said to no one in particular as she slapped the wood of the bar, took her waiting drink and marched off looking like a woman on a mission.

Sam stood alone, bewildered and slightly frightened. ''God I hope she doesn't nail my sister.''


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: to the guest reviewer, thank you and your English was totally fine! :)**

X

Santana pushed her way through the wedding rehearsal dinner crowds, elbowing and shoving her way until she was on the other side of the room where Quinn was standing with a glass of champagne talking to a group of people. Without a word or apology Santana walked through Quinn's personal audience and snagged her ear and began dragging her away.

''Ahhhh what the hell are you doing?'' Quinn asked, struggling to get away and failing that.

Santana didn't answer she just continued to pull Quinn along, even as the mingling dinner guests threw curious, scandalized glances at the scene and the two women who appeared to be making it. Santana only let go of Quinn's ear when she found an empty corner of the room for them to speak in.

Quinn whimpered and pressed a delicate hand to the side of her face and her reddened ear. ''You know it really isn't a B-face reunion until you've assaulted me, Santana, so thank you for that.''

''Yeah well you're fucking welcome.''

''What is this about?''

''Why didn't you tell me that you volunteered both me and Brittany to give speeches tonight?''

''I didn't think it would be that big of a deal, I just thought it would mean a lot to Mercedes if we all maybe said a little something at dinner in front of everyone. You know, to show our support. I was going to mention it earlier, you know, right before you told me to 'calm my shit', so excuse me if it slipped my mind.''

Santana clenched her jaw and swallowed her rage. ''Whatever.''

Quinn sighed at her friend. Yes Santana was being a bitch but that was the norm, Quinn thought, but that didn't explain the twitchiness. ''You know what, I think you need to relax. Why don't you go find a bridesmaid to defile before dinner and get some energy out of your system?''

''I'm not in the mood,'' Santana answered monotonously.

''Since when are you ever not in the mood? You can't even brush your teeth without some kind of sexual stimulation. Last week I called you about hotel arrangements for the wedding and you answered the phone like mid-fuck.''

''I'm just not. What? I know everyone thinks that's _my thing_ , but it's not. At least not all the time.''

Quinn looked into her eyes thoughtfully as if sensing something. They weren't just friends after all, they were B-faces, and B-faces knew their own. ''Oh.''

''What oh?''

''Just... nothing.''

''It's obviously something so just spit it out,'' said Santana.

''I know you think this wedding has my head all fucked up about my own life, but it's totally fucking with you too.''

Santana laughed inwardly. ''Yeah right.''

''It is, it's _so_ fucking with you. Maybe not in the same way it's fucking with me but it is and you know it.''

''I don't know what the hell you're talking about.''

''You know exactly what I'm talking about,'' Quinn said almost sympathetically. '' _You and Brittany at a wedding together_ \- that's like a total head fuck. No, you know what? It's a _heart_ fuck. Your heart is so fucked about it, it's hilarious.''

Santana was no longer amused with this conversation. ''Can you not go there?''

''Why? I mean,'' Quinn chuckled though not out of spite. She really did think it'd do Santana some good to confront some things. ''If it's not fucking with your heart then it wouldn't bother you if I did go there. How you and your high school sweetheart - the only girl you've ever loved - are at a wedding together, out of town, and it's bringing up all of these feelings.''

''I don't have feelings. Not anymore.''

''That's bull.''

''Is it now? Hmm?'' Quinn scoffed lightheartedly. ''So then you're not at all bothered that Brittany is over there chatting up the guy who used to have the huggest crush on her back in high school?''

''What?''

Quinn spun her around so that she was facing out, looking out towards the large open room where Brittany was off in a corner sharing a drink and having what looked to be a pleasant chat with Artie Abrams who still looked absolutely smitten. The two were alone as Mercedes had apparently wandered off to greet the rest of her guests.

Santana's right eye twitched for some unknown reason.

''What's happening with your eye?'' Quinn dropped her snotty tone and took on one of concern.

''Nothing.'' Santana clamped a hand over said eye. ''It's, uh, the coke. _Yeah it's the coke_. I'm just really high.''

''Are you crying?''

Santana began to laugh almost manically in her attempt to save face. ''Crying, funny. That's good, Quinn. You're just a bucket of laughs. My side hurts. So listen I'mma go and wreck the shit out of this open bar some more and I will see you later when we get this rehearsal going.''

''Santana-''

''Hey, I'm good, I'm okay, I'm dazzling,'' Santana insisted as she turned and started walking backwards, away from Quinn and into the crowd.

Quinn stood there for a moment, regretting what she had said and how she had twisted the knife when she knew Santana was, deep down, incredibly sensitive about all things Brittany related. She hadn't meant to be a snot, she was just trying to have a laugh. It's how the two of them worked usually, it's how they operated, they would bitch at each other back and forth and then shrug it off, but she realized now that perhaps she had taken it too far.

Here they were at one of their best friend's wedding weekend. It was a signalling of something, of a new chapter in the life of Mercedes Jones. She was moving on to a bigger adventure. Maybe that meant moving away, maybe that meant starting a family, there was an infinite amount of possibilities opening up for her and while she was glad for her friend it was a rude awakening to Quinn that she had allowed her own life to grow stagnant.

Perhaps it was making Santana realize that her life, too, hadn't exactly panned out the way she had always imagined.

She took a deep breath then, because she couldn't dwell on her issues or Santana's. She was the maid of honor and she had duties and dinner was only moments away from starting…

X

Brittany had been standing and watching the group of professional violinists hired for the evening. She had listened appreciatively as they they played for the room. When the musicians finished one piece of music she clapped and asked, ''Do you guys do requests? Cause like I have one. Can you play the violin part of Toxic by Britney Spears? That would be like totally awesome.''

The violinists looked amongst themselves questioningly and silently began to nod at each other and then to Brittany's delight they began to launch into the song, hitting every note perfectly. She made a small adorable squeeing noise.

And that was when Artie Abrams came to roll and pause at her side. ''I love this song,'' he remarked.

''Britney Spears is like my lord and savior,'' Brittany said, her eyes still on musicians playing expertly.

She then turned to face the person who had joined her in observation of them. And she had no clue who he was.

''You don't remember me do you?'' he asked.

''Um. No? Sorry.''

''I'm Artie…''

Brittany blinked.

''I grew up with Mercedes. I want to high school with you all,'' he offered, trying to jog her memory, again to no avail.

Brittany squinted.

''Your girlfriend Santana once sold me and some friends pot,'' he said, in his final attempt.

''Oh, okayyyy, I think I remember. Artie... was it?''

''Abrams. Artie Abrams. That's me.''

''I'm Brittany.''

''Yeah I remember. You look fantastic.''

''Thanks. You look...I like your bangs.''

''Thanks.''

''So you and Mercedes are still cool?''

''Yeah we're still buds. I work in computers now. Her fiance Sam invested in some little start up I have going. What about you? How have you been? You and Santana are still together, huh?''

He made a nod over to the bar where Santana was knocking back drink after drink while talking animatedly to Mike, Tina and Jane who all appeared to be confused yet intrigued by a story she was telling. Brittany wasn't sure what Santana was saying exactly but it involved a lot of hand gestures and eye rolling. She only heard the climax to the tale she was weaving which was something like _''so I told that police officer he could take his 300 dollar ticket and suck my metaphorical dick''._

''No, we're just friends now. Best friends,'' Brittany laughed, because even when Santana was acting like a drunk asshole she was a hilariously adorable drunk asshole. ''We broke up after high school but she's still like...my person.''

''Oh. Well, I'm sorry to hear that,'' Artie said, looking genuine. ''About the break up I mean. Those aren't fun. It's good that you two are still close though. That isn't easy to pull off.''

''It's really not, but it's worth it. I mean when you find someone you make sense with, it's worth the friendship. It's always been hard for people to get me or my weird, but Santana just does.''

''I imagine Santana has a harder time making those kinds of connections to people. She's always struck me as a little rough around the edges.''

''You think?'' Brittany asked and took another look at her ex-slash-best friend. ''I guess so, I dunno, she's always been like a puppy dog to me. Trust me, I've known her for fifteen years, she's surprisingly gentle.''

Artie nodded as he silently noted the sad but dreamy look in Brittany's eyes.

He had the biggest crush on her in high school but back then Brittany had been all about Santana and Artie wasn't stupid enough to go up against that. He had been hoping that now, years later, with a better haircut and impressive career he might stand a slightly better chance, especially when she said she and her ex were done. Looking at the blonde now, however, he could tell the two were anything but. Done that is.

''It's been good seeing you, Brittany. I'm glad you're doing well. Tell Santana hi for me.''

She smiled warmly. ''Thanks and I think it's awesome that you're doing what you love now. I'm sorry I don't remember you more.''

''Me too, but...'' he shrugged with a sad acceptance of that. He began to roll away when a sudden thought hit him and he turned back. ''Oh and uh, if Santana has any pot on her, like if you could pass it along to her that I'm _totally_ game to buy.''

X

The rehearsal had finally begun and Santana and Brittany were guided to sit at the main table in the center of all of the action. Mercedes and Sam were in the middle of it while they were flanked by their bridesmaids and groomsmen. Everyone else was sitting out at circular tables surrounding them, though the guests were taking their sweet time in settling down. The entire room was filled with inane chatter.

''So who was that blonde I saw you with earlier at the bar?'' Brittany asked Santana who sat at her side.

''Hm?''

''The one who was like dry humping you in front of Sam?''

''That was his sister. Kitty. Get this, I heard she's trying to be an actress and changed her family name and now goes by Kitty Wilde,'' Santana chuckled quietly into Brittany's side. ''Total porn name.''

''Oh.''

''What about you? I saw you talking to that Bill Gates looking guy we went to high school with.''

''Artie.''

''Yeah,'' Santana said, trying to play it cool and aloof. ''He looked like he was into you.''

''I guess.'' Brittany shrugged. ''Probably, but I thought we agreed, tonight, this weekend, it's me and you against all of this wedding chaos?''

''Still though, if you wanted to...I mean…'' Santana spoke in strange stilted turns. Pushing Brittany to anybody was the last thing she ever wanted to do, but she always tried to be encouraging and supportive of Brittany doing her thing, just as Brittany did for her. ''If you wanted to go hang out with him then I'd find a way to keep myself busy. Don't feel like you have to babysit me.''

''I don't. You know if you wanted to go hook up with Kitty you could just tell me right,'' Brittany countered. ''You don't have to beat around the bush and try to push me on Artie, if that's what this is about.''

''It's not, I just thought you guys looked like you were having a _super fun_ conversation and I didn't want to cramp you or whatever.''

''You're not cramping me and trust me if I wanted to go hang out with Artie or whoever I would. I wouldn't need your permission ya know.''

''Uhhhh, I didn't say you needed my permission. I just said that if you wanted to go for it you didn't have to worry about me. That's all.''

''Good.''

''Fine.''

''Sure.''

''Whatever.''

Their slightly tense exchange came to a halt when the best man stood up and began tapping his glass with a utensil, trying to get everyone's attention. The entirety of the room shushed and began to listen to a long winded story about how as children he and Sam had went to an amusement park and hit up all of the roller coasters, saving the biggest, scariest one for the end, and how their 12 year old selves had pissed in their pants. The best man went on to explain how he had gotten the bright idea to buy sodas and proceed to purposely spill them in their laps so that their parents were none the wiser on the way home.

The best man laughed all throughout the story as if he thought it was the most brilliant thing.

''And so, sitting in the back of my parents SUV, drenched in Dr. Pepper and piss, that's when I knew Sam Evans was the best friend I would ever have,'' the best man declared, looking weirdly emotional at his overshare.

A few seats down Santana leaned in to whisper into Quinn's ear, ''who the fuck is that?''

''Finn Hudson, Sam's best man,'' Quinn answered in a whisper.

Santana wrinkled up her nose. ''He sounds like an idiot.''

''He _is_ an idiot,'' Quinn said dryly before she herself stood and plastered a giant smile on her face as she began to address the room as maid of honor. ''Why thank you Finn. That was a grossly inappropriate story, but moments ago I was informed by two of the bride to be's good friend's that they have a special surprise for the couple of the hour. Everyone give it up for Sugar Motta and Tina Cohen Chang.''

She made a wave over to Sugar and Tina who stood up from their table and made their way to the clear and open center of the room where smiled and then for some unknown reason began an acapella rendition of Nicki Minaj's _Superbass_ that was equal points on point as well as embarrassing. It was especially cringey given Sugar's ridiculous dance moves which included turning around, bending over slightly and backing her ass up into Tina who responded in kind by playfully slapping it to the rhythm of the song.

Brittany closed her eyes for a long moment. ''San, am I imagining this, like is the coke making me hallucinate this or-''

''No this is real,'' Santana said completely horrified by what she was witnessing. ''This is real life. _This is happening to us_.''

Tina and Sugar ended their Minaj cover with some weird robot dance off between them. The dinner guests began a slow awkward clap. Quinn stood again to address the room once more. ''And that was...some kind of lovely. Thank you, ladies. Now I think it's time we hand it over to some of our bridesmaids. Brittany, why don't you start us off.''

Brittany stood out of her seat as she started. ''You guys I just want to make a really important announcement, that I want everyone to hear because I really mean it,'' she spoke solemnly, looking at Sam, Mercedes as well as the rest of the wedding party and guests. '' _I've lost my cell phone_ and the last time I saw it, it was back there.'' She pointed to somewhere behind her. '' _And I think someone here took it_.''

Realizing that Brittany was struggling here Santana stood up with her own drink. She knocked it back and gently guided Brittany to sit back down beside her. ''Alright I think it's my turn to say a little something here. So! Mercedes...Mercedes….I love you. I've known you for a long time. We met in our high school bathroom, do you remember that? Yeah, yeah, I was in there eating my lunch cause I was kind of a loser...''

Mercedes smiled at her sweetly, putting a hand to her heart and the surrounding dinner guests made a loud collective ''awwwwwwww''.

''So I was in there eating _mah_ Breadstix and she was in there - '' Santana paused her story to mime sticking two fingers down her throat, making vomit sounds. At this awkward implication the room went silent. Friends and family looked on and the smile that was on Mercedes' face turned to one of embarrassment as she shifted in her seat

Hinting that the bride had an eating disorder once upon a time was apparently a faux pas Santana realized much too late. Thankfully she felt Brittany lay her hand on her arm and use it to raise herself so she was standing along with her.

''You know what, update everyone,'' Brittany said loudly. ''False alarm on my stolen phone. It was in my boobs the whole time. I'm sorry about that, it's just that this is a new dress and it had fell way down up into my underboob, but it's all cool now.''

At this, Quinn jumped out of her seat and began clapping excitedly. Her two friends had made utter fools of themselves, not to mention Santana's remark had put Mercedes in a really awkward spot in front of her friends and family. ''Alright, Santana and Brittany, thank you,'' Quinn said through clenched teeth as she looked over to them. ''You two suck at speeches,'' she hissed under her breath once the rest of the room began clapping along with her.

''For your information Quinn,'' Santana said, ''I suck at a lot of things.''

''That's what she said,'' Brittany couldn't help but quip.

''Look everybody is going to finish up here but I need you two please get your acts together before the bachelorette party. It means a lot to Mercedes and you can't be fucking embarrassing her like that. I told you two not to get high.''

''We're like _barely_ high,'' Brittany said in their defense.

''Brittany you lost your phone in your boobs,'' Quinn huffed. ''That's how high you are.''

''Correction,'' Brittany interjected with a scoff. ''My _under_ boob.''

''Whatever, shut up, but get your heads together.''

X

After another boring ass hour of talking and fake laughter Quinn began to wrangle several of the younger women in the room, informing them that there was an impromptu bachelorette gathering that would be taking place upstairs in a suite. 18+ and no one over 30 were the only rules.

While everyone started to make the journey upstairs, Santana and Brittany lagged behind in the lobby.

''I really screwed up with my toast didn't I?'' Santana closed her eyes. She did a lot of stupid stuff, she said a lot of offensive, hurtful things, but she hadn't meant that. She was just nervous and yeah, a little drunk and prone to word vomit.

''You didn't mean it, and she knows that. Just pull her aside and apologize and everything will be fine.''

''You think she'll forgive me?''

''Of course she'll forgive you, alright,'' Brittany encouraged with a bump of her shoulder. ''And you know what? She's probably gonna forget about it because in about twenty minutes Mercedes is gonna be getting a lap dance from a totally hot guy and laughing her head off on her last night of freedom.''

''Oh man I forgot about the stripper.''

''Which reminds me, I better call him, I have his card.'' Brittany pushed one of her hands down into the front of her dress where she began digging around, feeling up her own breasts as she looked up. She stuck her tongue out of the side of her mouth in concentration. ''Ah, here we go!'' she pulled a business card out of her underboob and handed it over to Santana.

''Elliot Gilbert,'' Santana read.

Brittany punched in the number and sent out a quick text to him, giving him the hotel and room number information. ''Alright, text is sent, the eye candy is on his way. Now let's just go up there and have some good _wholesome_ fun.''

''We can totally pull off wholesome, right?''

''Absolutely. Wholesome.''

''Now put this card back in your underboob, we might need it later.''


	4. Chapter 4

Upstairs in a large lavish hotel suite a dozen or so young women were standing about even though there were a couple of trendy couches placed throughout the room. The younger female wedding guests were mingling with each other, sipping champagne and nibbling on the provided hor dourves laid out for their enjoyment.

Mercedes took the opportunity to find Quinn and pull her aside.

''Hey, Quinn, a word please? Brittany and Santana…'' she began cautiously and threw a glance at the two women in question who were standing together and having a drink with Jane, Tina and Sugar. Everyone appeared to be laughing at something Brittany was saying. ''Are they okay? Because they're looking a little…'' Mercedes went silent and mimed snorting coke off of the back of her palm.

''What? Noooooo.''

''Or a little…'' Mercedes then held out her arm and took two fingers and flicked at her skin, as if trying to find a vein and shooting herself up with an imaginary needle.

''No,'' Quinn insisted emphatically.

''And then what was with those speeches at the dinner?''

''They're fine, they're okay, I've talked to them. I promise, everything is fine.''

Mercedes took a deep breath. ''If you say so.''

''Hey, you're my favorite B-face, okay? I wouldn't lie to you.'' She leaned forward to give Mercedes a comforting hug. ''Besides I'm also your maid of honor, putting out fires is my job here. I'm not gonna let anything ruin this weekend for you.''

Meanwhile across the room…

''...so I had been dating someone for a few months,'' Brittany said as Tina, Sugar and Jane stood before her. ''And it had been going really well, or so I thought, when out of nowhere they totally dumped me for quote-unquote _not understanding their vegan lifestyle_ , which like whatever. For a week straight I was a sad panda until this one here,'' Brittany paused to nudge Santana at her side, ''dragged me out of my apartment and took me out dancing. The night was a total blur of tequila and body glitter-''

''I think there might have been a coordinated dance or two a-la _Romy and Michele's High School Reunion_ ,'' Santana added. ''Because it's one of our many drunk-traditions.''

''Long story short, I don't even know how we managed it but the next thing I knew we woke up in some cheap motel in Mexico-''

''-wearing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle masks.''

''-wearing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle masks, with _B-faces fo' life_ written all over our bodies in marker. Wait-what was the question again?''

Moments earlier Jane had simply asked Brittany how she had spent her previous weekend, she, along with the others, were amused and entertained with the long winded round-about answer Brittany supplied them. It was so much more interesting than their own lives.

''So that was my last weekend,'' Brittany continued.

''I still don't know where we got those Ninja Turtle masks,'' Santana said, mostly to herself. ''Weird.''

''Speaking of exotic locals,'' Tina jumped into the conversation and began steering it away. ''Have you guys heard about the crazy honeymoon Sam is taking Mercedes on?''

''No, tell,'' Jane said with an encouraging smile, urging her to go on. ''Where are they going?''

''I heard they were taking a month long vacation so they could travel all around Europe,'' Sugar gushed. ''So romantic.''

''You know what else I heard,'' Tina continued excitedly. ''They're spending the night before the wedding in separate rooms so that come the wedding night things will be even more special. His best man told me Sam already booked the honeymoon suite and it's empty and waiting for them already. Mercedes is going to love it, I've seen it in like design magazines, it's the real deal, it's gorgeous and it has the most spectacular view of the city.''

Santana found it hard to swallow all of this, all of this oooo-ing and ahhh-ing over romance. She didn't do romance, at least not anymore. She cleared her throat and announced she was going to make a trip to the little girl's room and quickly stepped away into the connecting bathroom of the suite. Brittany watched her shut the door behind her.

And that's when Kitty approached their little group, interrupting their happy chatter.

''Hi,'' she said to everyone with a hollow smile meant to convey that she thought they were all beneath her. ''A little birdy whispered into my ear that some of you went to high school with _Santana_ …?'' she looked around the group questioningly.

Collectively they all nodded in confirmation. Everyone except for Brittany who began to study this Kitty with a serious eye. This girl was giving off some wacko predatory vibes and Brittany didn't like the way she she said Santana's name. All smarmy and, just, ew, she thought.

''We did, yes, why,'' Jane began slowly. She too looked a little hesitant with this stranger, even if it was Sam's sister.

''I'm just curious about her that's all,'' Kitty said and stole Sugar's champagne glass from her to sip out of it herself. ''What's her deal?''

''She's complicated,'' Tina offered. She wasn't trying to be helpful, but she did want this Kitty to leave them alone.

''Exactly how complicated?'' asked Kitty, intrigued.

''Very,'' said Jane.

''I once heard from someone her boobs were fake,'' Sugar commented randomly and for no good reason.

''I usually don't do complicated but I'm bored so I may just have to make an exception.''

''Why are you so interested in her?'' Brittany asked sharply. Unlike the others she wasn't playing it cautious or timid.

Kitty shrugged. ''Why do you think? I'm happy that my brother has found _'twu wuv'_ but this whole wedding thing has just been a complete and total yawn. I was thinking things might get interesting if I could get to know Santana a little better.''

''Well good luck with that,'' said Tina.

''Yeah, she really doesn't do girlfriends anymore from what I've heard,'' Sugar added.

Kitty laughed in their faces like they were idiots. ''I'm not looking for a relationship here, ladies. Weddings are prime hook up destinations. I'm simply looking for a distraction. Preferably one that involves orgasms. I don't want to get her alone and naked so I can ask her about her hopes and dreams, I just want to use her as a _human sex toy_ -''

Before Kitty could get another word out Brittany's palm was flying forward to make contact with the side of her face.

 ** _SLAP!_**

There was a loud collective gasp that came over the room. Tina, Jane and Sugar's eyes flashed with shock, but also amusement because, let's face it, it was damn funny.

''Awwww snap,'' said Sugar who went right for her phone so she could get the aftermath on camera.

''Are you okay?'' Tina asked Kitty while holding back laughter that threatened to sputter forth from her lips. She really wasn't all that concerned for the woman but she thought it polite to pretend to care.

Kitty remained silent as she registered what had just happened. She looked directly into Brittany's eyes as she put a hand to her lips and realized she had broken the skin. Her bottom lip was bleeding.

''YOU STUPID BITCH!'' Kitty erupted with anger before trying to launch herself at Brittany.

Luckily for Britt though Jane, Tina and Sugar jumped into action, flanking Kitty and holding her back together as she struggled to free herself from them.

''What the fuck is your problem?!'' Kitty screamed at Brittany who was statue still in shock of her own actions.

She had never hit anyone before.

Soon Mercedes and Quinn were rushing to the scene. ''What's going on?'' Quinn demanded to know.

''This stupid skank slapped me across the face is what's going on!'' Kitty shouted.

''She's my friend,'' Mercedes interjected firmly, convinced this, somehow, had to be one giant misunderstanding.

''Yeah well your bitch friend just hit me, I'm bleeding!''

''Britt wouldn't,'' Mercedes said, looking desperate to believe that.

''She did!''

Mercedes looked to Tina, Sugar and Jane who were still holding back a raging Kitty. They said nothing but their expressions gave them away, Kitty was telling the truth. Brittany had hit her.

''Oh my god Mercedes,'' Brittany started tearily once she realized what she had done. She didn't regret it, not after what Kitty called Santana, but she knew it probably wasn't the time or the place to be smacking the crap out of the sister of the groom. ''I don't know what I was thinking, I'm sor-''

''What the fuck are you crying to her for,'' Kitty said to Brittany who's first concern was apologizing to Mercedes. ''If you're gonna be apologizing, it should be to me.''

Quinn stepped up to stand in front of Kitty. ''Let's everyone just calm down.''

''I'm not gonna calm down. Not until someone throws this bitch out,'' Kitty demanded. ''My family is worth fucking millions, we're paying for all of this. So I don't care who she is but I want her out of here.''

''What the fuck is happening?'' Santana asked as she walked back into the room and was immediately confused by the chaos unfolding before her.

Mercedes looked confused and upset, Quinn meanwhile was screaming at everyone to shut up. Kitty was bleeding and raging, Tina, Jane and Sugar were struggling to keep her from Brittany who was standing in shock and looking down at one of her hands, almost on the verge of tears.

Santana wasn't sure what she had missed when she was in the bathroom and she didn't care, she immediately made her way to stand with Brittany. She pulled her into her side protectively.

''Why the hell are you screaming at my friend?'' Santana shouted at Kitty, aiming a glare at her as well. ''What's your problem? Because you know what-''

''Santana shut up,'' Quinn ordered as she tried to diffuse the situation. Adding Santana into the mix was like throwing gasoline on a fire. ''You take Brittany to the other room.'' She pointed over to two elaborate doors that separated the large sitting area of the room from the bedroom. ''Let me deal with this.''

Santana looked like she wanted throw down but her overall concern for Brittany took priority. She took her best friend and began to gently guide her away from the room, the others and the escalating situation. The entered the connecting bedroom and Santana shut the doors behind them, giving them privacy.

Santana turned on a bedside lamp and watched Brittany begin to pace.

''Did she hurt you?'' Santana asked, her voice full of worry. ''If she did you can tell me and I will walk right back out there and punch her face in.''

''What? No, she didn't hurt me.''

''Then why are you holding your hand like that?'' Santana pointed at Brittany who was cradling her right hand, palm up.

''Cause. I sorta slapped her.''

''You what?''

''I slapped her and now my palm is all stingy. How do you and Quinn slap each other so much, it hurts, like a lot.''

Brittany stopped her stalking to take a seat on the bed and bury her face in her hands in embarrassment, and maybe even a little bit of shame too. She had never flown off the handle like that. Santana went to her immediately and took a seat at her side.

''Lemme see.'' She pulled Brittany's stinging hand into her lap and began to trace over the lines of her skin soothingly with her thumb. She looked down at it as if it was the most beautiful precious thing. ''Why?''

''Why what?''

''Why did you slap her?''

Brittany raised a shoulder. ''She was being ugly. Like to the girls, and like...about you.''

''Oh?''

''It's stupid.''

''You're not stupid so I doubt that.''

''It was just, I don't know. She was talking about how she wanted to... _with you_...and obviously you're free to do whatever, but I just think...even if you're not in love with someone and you just want to hook up you should still respect the person and not call them a 'human sex toy'.''

''Human sex toy huh?''

''She was talking about you like you were a thing and I got pissed. Oh my god, I've never hit anyone before. What the hell did I just do?''

''I think you may have just defended my honor,'' Santana concluded, ''which if you ask me sounds kinda hot.''

''It's not funny,'' Brittany said with a chuckle, because yeah it was sorta funny. ''Violence isn't funny. I mean I won't even play Whack-a-Mole on principal because I feel so bad for those poor animatronic moles!''

''No, I know, it's not funny,'' Santana amended with a sweet smile. ''But hey, it sounded like this Kitty chick had it coming. So screw her, you did what you did and it looked like Tina and the others had your back - I doubt they would have if they thought you were in the wrong.''

''I'm sorry if I screwed anything up for you. You were probably planning to get on top of that later-''

''If by that you mean Kitty? I really wasn't.''

''No?''

''Nah. I'm not gonna lie, blondes are kinda my thing but she reminded me waaaay too much of Quinn and frankly I've always been of the belief that Quinn has no vagina but like some kind of venus flytrap situation down there. I'm sure Kitty's lady bits are probably the same. And I mean I'm kinky but not kinky enough to go down on, like, plant life.''

Brittany cracked up into shoulder shaking laughter at that wildly imaginative imagery. So relieved to be put at ease. Her nerves were wrecked and her heart was still beating rapidly from all the adrenaline.

''Anyway,'' said Santana. ''Like you said earlier we made a deal. Remember? This wedding weekend we're sticking together. I wasn't gonna nail Kitty, now or ever.'' She shrugged and continued to stare down at Brittany's soft, delicate palm as she tenderly stroked it. ''Besides I mean usually I'm with girls because I'm bored, but when I'm hanging with you...I'm never really bored. Honestly getting laid this weekend hadn't even crossed my mind.''

''It hasn't?''

Santana shook her head in the negative. ''Thank you though...for thinking I had honor worth defending.''

''You do you know. Everyone does regardless. But especially you.''

Santana laughed at the thought.

''I mean it,'' Brittany said. ''I know you have your fun, I have my fun too, but that isn't who you are. It isn't all you are. You may want everyone to believe it is, but I….I know different. We did date for like four years-''

''Five years.''

''Five years. My point is you like to play emotionless badass but I'm pretty sure you do have a heart, and I'm pretty sure that heart is made out of cupcakes. Like that's how sweet you are on the inside. People should know that. That's why I went all she Hulk out there on Kitty for thinking you were just some _thing_ that she could use to get off on.''

''What kind?'' Santana asked, tickled.

''What kind what?''

''What kind of cupcake is my heart made out of?''

Brittany squinted and looked upwards as if in great thought. ''The sprinkly kind with like pink frosting all over. It's a little bit messy, like maybe a four year old made it, but it's so good. Your cupcake heart is so good.''

''Come here.'' Santana pulled her towards her and placed a kiss on Brittany's forehead before looking down to inspect Brittany's hand once again. ''Does this still hurt?''

''A little. Feels better when you do that,'' she said, motioning down to Santana stroking the skin of her palm.

Using both hands Santana took Brittany's palm and lifted it slowly to lay a kiss into it. Brittany practically melted when she felt Santana's lips connect with her skin. Even though it was completely chaste something about the gesture made her shiver in _that_ way.

It was so sweet. So romantic. So Santana.

''That makes it feel a lot better,'' Brittany whispered, transfixed as Santana laid another one into her palm.

''Yeah?''

''Uh huh.''

''Much better.''

The air between them suddenly felt warm as Brittany realized how close they were sitting and that they were in fact on a nice soft bed in a dimly lit hotel room.

All it would take was one of them to lean in and-

''Knock-knock,'' a voice said softly. It was Sugar who soon poked her head into the room. ''Hey guys. The skank has left the building, it's safe to come out now.''

''It is?'' Brittany asked, pushing her body fully upright and putting just a couple of inches between her and Santana who did the same.

''Yeah, Quinn called Sam and he calmed her down. Apparently Kitty has a glug-glug problem,'' Sugar let her tongue hang out of her mouth as she mimed drinking sloppily, ''I kind of got the feeling he was more annoyed with his sister than anything else. He told her to go to her hotel room and so she took off, although not before calling all of us a bunch of slutbags.''

''Lovely,'' remarked Santana.

''Mercedes is a little peeved at the commotion so I'd give her some space for a while but I don't think she's angry,'' Sugar explained.

''Thanks Sugar.'' Santana dipped her head in gratitude.

''Can I be an honorary B-face?''

''We'll see,'' Santana shoo'd her with her hand. ''Give us a sec and Britt and I will be out.''

Sugar saluted her with her hand and popped her head back out, shutting the door quietly behind her.

''You ready to go back out there?'' Santana stood and asked, standing in front of Brittany's sitting form.

''I think so.''

''You sure? You look a little flushed there.''

''I'm okay,'' Brittany said even though she was beginning to realize she was anything but.

X

They eventually made their way out of the bedroom and back into the sitting area of the suite where the guests were still congregating.

Brittany itched to find Mercedes and make amends for making a commotion but when she saw her friend in conversation with other pals and family, her face lighting up as she spoke, she couldn't bring herself to walk over and interrupt. Mercedes deserved the spotlight tonight so Brittany decided to hold off on that conversation for the time being so the bride to be could enjoy her last night of freedom without anymore of her and Santana reeking (unintentional) havoc.

But the general calm that had come over the room disappeared yet again when someone began banging on the door to their suite.

''This is the police! Open up!'' a male voice shouted from the other side of it.

Everyone froze and Quinn was about to start for the door but was cut off by Mercedes who took it upon herself to answer it. Once she opened it she saw a handsome dark haired man in a police uniform.

''I'm sorry but have you been aware of the complaints we've been getting about the noise coming from this room,'' he said with a stony expression.

Mercedes was genuinely taken back. ''We're so sorry. Oh gosh. There was a little bit of a situation earlier but it's been dealt with. You have my word, officer, we'll keep it down.''

''I'm afraid the matter is much more serious than that, miss. I have grounds to search this place.'' The officer stepped inside the suite and with him he had a small black bag which he placed on a nearby table. He flicked the thing open then to reveal that the contents inside consisted of a small portable boombox which he turned on to ridiculously cheesy song.

Several of the women in the room screamed, absolutely titillated as it dawned on them that this wasn't in fact an actual officer but their entertainment for the evening.

''SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT BREEDERS!'' the stripper, Elliot, announced to the room as he started his routine.

Off in a corner Brittany felt herself laughing so hard champagne almost shot out of her nose. Santana stood nearby watching the show in a quiet kind of astonishment. It was hilarious watching everyone squeal and swoon.

''Straight people are so weird,'' Santana joked quietly to Brittany who pinched her playfully in reply. ''Ooowww, what, I'm kidding. Anyway why don't you go on with them.'' She threw a nod in the direction of the stripper getting down to the nitty gritty of it. ''Go have some fun.''

Brittany wrinkled up her nose. ''Don't really feel like it right now.''

''Mmm.'' Santana made a thoughtful little noise.

''I was thinking though after this...maybe you and I could go somewhere...go somewhere and talk.''

''We are talking.''

''Yeah. I meant privately though. Just the two of us.'' Brittany swallowed shakily. ''You could come to my room or I could go to yours. Just hang out and talk. Really talk.''

Santana opened her mouth but nothing came out. She wanted to say yes, she wanted to say yes more than anything. It wasn't like they hadn't shared a bed since becoming strictly friends, it wasn't like they hadn't shared a room either, or stayed up all night talking but _Quinn was right_ , Santana thought. This weekend was a total _heart_ fuck. Being at a wedding event with Brittany had gotten to her head and she couldn't shake all of the emotions it was bringing to the surface.

On any other day, during any other occasion Santana probably wouldn't have thought anything of it, but here and now, she knew if she got any closer to Brittany in private she was going to do something stupid. She was going to say something stupid. She had already come close with those kisses to her palm that Santana knew were a little too sweet, a little to tender to be considered strictly platonic.

''Maybe,'' Santana answered as she looked back out at the scene playing before them. Everyone was going wild for Elliot and his dancing. ''But shouldn't we at least attempt to call it an early evening? We gotta be up at the ass crack of dawn, Britt, and you know how I am without my beauty sleep.''

Brittany blinked and hid her disappointment under an unconvincing smile. ''Yeah...yeah, you're right, I guess.''

''Besides we'll have all weekend to hang and talk with Mercedes and Quinn and the four of us can-''

''I'm not talking about the four of us, Santana. I'm talking about the two of us.''

Santana turned back to look at her. She didn't have anything to say to that, she couldn't have anything to say to that. She couldn't give in. She was never going to be that fool ever again.

They stared in silence as the room filled with music, laughter and scandalized screams.

''I'm getting another drink,'' Santana said ignoring Brittany's words and walking off.

Brittany was left standing about alone watching the others with disinterest.

Meanwhile, Elliott the stripper popped open his button top, threw it across the room and he must have been wearing magic pants, because he somehow pulled those off like he was a magician and threw them in Jane's face. She was blinking rapidly, looking both excited and anxious. Elliot was now down to tiny black briefs and had begun dancing in front Mercedes who could only laugh and walk backwards.

She came to plop herself down into a chair where Sugar and Tina soon flanked her sides and started supplying her with single dollar bills.

''What is this for?'' Mercedes asked through laughter. It was kind of difficult for her to not enjoy the eye candy in front of her, she had to admit to herself inwardly.

''Put it in his undies!'' Sugar instructed as she herself reached forward to stick a bill into the man's waistline.

Elliot placed his cop hat on Mercedes' head and gave her a wink before turning around to shake his ass for all to admire.

''Yeah, that's right, uh huh,'' he said, encouraging her own. ''Come on pigface let's get crunk.''

And just like that there was a shift in the room as Mercedes as well as everyone else allowed those words to sink into their ears. She stood out of her seat and went to shut off the music. The silence was awkward and agonizing.

'' _Why would he say that….how would he know about that?'_ ' Mercedes looked over to her high school classmates, specifically the B-faces. ''How?''

Brittany's eyes widened in horror at Elliot who looked ten kinds of confused. ''I….might have...fuck,'' Brittany started a stuttery ramble. ''Fuck. Mercedes, I'm so sorry, fuck.'' She moved past the small gathering of women to stand in front of her friend. ''I told a friend the yearbook story who told stripper dude here the yearbook story but I didn't tell them because it was a joke, I told them because I was trying to explain how tight the B-faces were and how we never let anybody mess with one of our own and how we totally took care of the girl who pulled that stupid pigface crap. I don't know and-and-and that's how he knows.''

Santana stepped up and tried to help. She went to place a hand on Mercedes' shoulder. ''Hey, hey, you know what, who the fuck cares what some stupid ass stripper thinks or says, because we're all having a good time, huh, huh, we're all having a laugh here so-''

Mercedes took a deep breath as she looked between Brittany and Santana. This was it.

This was the last straw. She had now lost the last of her cool and had fallen off the edge. She couldn't hold her tongue any longer.

''Yeah, yeah,'' Mercedes erupted in fake hollow laughter that actually made both Brittany and Santana cower in their spots. ''We've been having such a good time tonight, like earlier when you told the entire room at the restaurant THAT I WAS BULIMIC IN HIGH SCHOOL! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SANTANA?''

Santana winced. ''That? Uh. That was me...fucking up.''

''Or what about you,'' Mercedes said to Brittany. ''You assaulted someone in the wedding party tonight why exactly?''

''Mercedes, that was an accident and-'' Brittany began.

''NO! How would you two like it if I just told everyone some of your shit?'' Mercedes asked.

At this, Santana and Brittany went silent. Properly admonished.

Quinn took it upon herself to try to diffuse the situation. She stood in the middle of the room. ''I think everyone should go. Everyone just, just go. It's late and we all have an early morning and-''

Everyone began to quietly gather their things and walk towards the door, shooting concerned and sympathetic looks at Mercedes who was almost shaking with emotion. When everyone was gone and it was just Quinn, Mercedes, Santana and Brittany in the suite Mercedes stepped up to stand in front of both of them, sticking a finger in both Santana and Brittany's face.

''You know what…'' Mercedes began with a heartbreaking smile. ''Don't even bother coming to the wedding tomorrow unless you're going to act like normal people, am I making myself clear?''

Mercedes then started for the door, when she opened it she found Sugar, Tina and Jane waiting for her on the other side of it. She began walking down the hallway and they followed without a word. Quinn went to shut the door only to find Elliot standing in his underwear out in the hallway.

''Can I get my boombox?''

''No, you can't get your damn boombox, you ruined my friend's bachelorette party!'' Quinn scoffed.

Elliot shrugged. ''It kinda sounds like maybe it was ruined before I even got here. Look if you're not gonna give me my boombox, can I atleast get paid? Brittany was supposed to pay me.''

Quinn gave him an epic eye roll reached for her purse which was placed on the entry way table and threw a wadded up fifty dollar bill at his face before slamming the door in it.

And then it was just her, Santana and Brittany in the empty room.

''So what do you call a bachelorette party without a bride?''

''A friday.''

X

 **A/N: So has anyone ever been a bridesmaid or a maid of honor? I was maid of honor for my sister a few years back and it was a ton of stress. Like I only slept for two hours the night before the wedding I was just so stressed, and then after the ceremony and completing all of my stupid maid of honor duties I slept for 18 hours straight, no joke, it was crazy. Fun story though the bridesmaid dresses looked almost exactly like the Glee girls dresses during Season 2's Valerie performance, I looked mega cute yo.**


	5. Chapter 5

Mercedes, Tina, Sugar and Jane were all silent as they stood in the hotel elevator.

The three wedding guests had flown into supportive mood to be there for the bride to be while Quinn had been left behind to wrangle and deal with Santana and Brittany.

''I've never yelled at them like that,'' Mercedes said as she stared off in a daze. ''Was I wrong?''

''No,'' answered Tina softly, hugging Mercedes from the side. ''They've been acting strange _all night_. I don't know what was going on with them but you weren't wrong to say what you said Santana gave that horrible drunk toast at dinner and Brittany had no right telling that stripper any of your high school stuff.''

Sugar spoke up and looked like a sad little chihuahua. ''If it makes you feel any better I totally stole his boombox.'' She held up the small black radio and offered it to Mercedes who rolled her eyes and pushed the offered item back into Sugar's arms.

''It doesn't,'' said Mercedes with a sad, dejected sigh. ''What would make me happy is if my oldest friends acted like they wanted to be here.''

Jane leaned into her. She knew it would hurt her friend to hear this, but she thought it was worth saying. ''I'm sorry to say...but if this is who they are on your big weekend, maybe you've outgrown your friends.''

It was a thought that had never once occurred to Mercedes but now that Jane had put it out there she had to consider it.

In high school they had been messes and it had been cute back then, at 16, when someone drank too much and got sloppy, or when someone made an inappropriate scene, they could all laugh it up with ease. Sure, Mercedes had her share of fun back in her youth too but when the time came for it she had embraced adulthood in a way the others hadn't.

They were all pushing almost 30 now and they seemed to still be flailing aimlessly, she thought.

Brittany and Santana had been the best versions of themselves when they were together but it clear to her now that they had been languishing in some weird territory together - wanting each other but not allowing themselves to be with each other - and using alcohol, other people and avoidance to mask and dull the ache. Even Quinn who at least had her head together enough to make it through school and land a career, Mercedes kind of thought she was the most sad of them all. At least Santana and Brittany were navigating their messy lives together and knew what they wanted even if they never allowed themselves to say it to each other, but Mercedes got the feeling that Quinn had yet to realize what she wanted because Quinn had yet to realize _who_ she was without the world telling her who she should be.

In short Mercedes finally realized that she had learned to take care of herself in ways that the other B-faces had never learned to do. She had family, she had a flourishing career, she had a certain kind of faith and belief in herself, she had a partner who loved her and she was about go on one of the greatest adventures of her life-

-and if this is who they were still after all these years, maybe she had outgrown them.

X

Quinn, Santana and Brittany stood in silence for several long moments in the now empty suite.

Mercedes had rightfully called them out on their behavior and now they were left alone with the glaring truth: they were still the same messes they were back in high school. If it was even possible they had even somehow turned into even bigger messes.

If the three of them had been mature, responsible adults they would have realized maybe it was the time for self reflection. They would have concluded that maybe this was a sign to sit down and put their issues on the table and ask each other for help and support.

Unfortunately the three of them were the furthest thing from responsible adults. On this night anyway.

''...Alright, give me some of this coke already,'' Quinn finally spoke first.

Santana and Brittany looked at each other questioningly. They were still reeling from Mercedes putting them in their place and giving them an ultimatum and were in no headspace to question anything from anyone. Santana found her bag and the tiny coke-filled bottle of baby powder.

''Let's fucking do this.''

The next half hour was a blur as they drank straight from the half dozen champagne bottles left behind and took turns doing lines on the glass coffee table while _A Girl Like You_ by Edwyn Collins blared through the sound system. Quinn had dropped her holier-than-thou attitude and out of frustration had finally decided to partake and she wasn't holding back.

They were all sprawled out on the couch when Santana had the sudden thought. ''You know what I just realized?'' She looked at the two blondes. Quinn had white powdery residue on her upper lip and Brittany appeared to be eating peanuts upside down from a chair. ''We're the assholes of the story.''

''What?'' asked Quinn.

''We're the assholes,'' Santana said. ''We showed up drunk and high and totally made asses of ourselves at the rehearsal dinner and I may or may not have threatened Sam that we might burn his life down just a little bit, and Brittany's over here slapping people-''

''I slapped one person,'' Brittany said. She maneuvered herself upright in her chair and chugged from her very own champagne bottle. ''And maybe I shouldn't have shared that particular high school story because I know how much it screwed with Mercedes but what that stripper said was not my fault.''

''Still I think we gotta face it, we're the assholes of the story.''

''Excuse me,'' Quinn interjected. ''You two may be the assholes of this story, but I'm not. I didn't show up high, I didn't show up drunk, I haven't made tonight all about me and my issues like you two. And I certainly haven't been slapping people even though believe me I've wanted to.''

''Psh,'' scoffed Santana who began popping open another bottle to swig down.

Quinn reached over to grab it from her. ''You two are over here balls deep in your own junk with each other that you haven't even asked me how I'm doing with all of this? Huh, huh, what about me?''

''What the fuck about you, Fabray?''

''You two have been off in L.A. living your lives and I've been the one here planning this wedding with the knowledge now that I may never get one of my own,'' Quinn was both weepy and angry. Pathetic was oozing from her pores. ''I have done everything everyone has always expected of me. I did EVERYTHING RIGHT! I went to college, I exercise, I eat like a fucking insect and NOTHING is happening IN MY LIFE!''

Santana was unmoved and unimpressed. ''The fact that you just said all of that and still can't admit that you're one of the assholes of the story makes you THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE OF THIS STORY. At least me and Brittany are fucking aware!''

''Three Little Assholes,'' giggled Brittany. ''It sounds like a children's book.''

''We gotta do right by Mercedes though,'' Santana said. ''After all we pulled tonight, we need to show up tomorrow and act like fucking human beings for her. Look here.'' She took one final gulp of champagne before slamming the bottle down on the glass table. ''That is the last drink I take this weekend, and no more coke, and no more acting like an idiot because this is supposed to be all about her now.''

''You're right and I'm in,'' Brittany said. ''No more.''

''No more wallowing in her own issues,'' Quinn said in agreement. ''And you know what? We should all get to bed because we gotta be up in like six hours. This suite is gonna be the headquarters for everything. Hair and makeup people are gonna be here on the dot working on Mercedes and all the bridesmaids. Her dress is in the other room too and-''

''Wait, her dress is in the other room?'' Brittany squeaked. ''Tell me is it gorgeous? It's probably gorgeous, isn't it? I bet she looks so beautifuuuuullll in it.''

''Oh my god, go get it, go look,'' Quinn urged.

Brittany clapped like a baby seal and ran into the connecting bedroom in search of the wedding dress. Less than a minute later she came prancing out…. _wearing the dress_.

''What the-you put it on your body!'' Santana cackled and her body folded up in laughter.

It didn't fit Brittany very well as she and Mercedes had different statures and body types.

''Quinn, you should come and try to squeeze into this with me,'' Brittany said. ''We can be like conjoined!''

''Wait? No,'' Quinn waved a hand at her dismissively.

''Yes, come on. Look if I turn my body this way you can totally fit in here with me!''

''Just fucking do it, Quinn,'' Santana said and slapped her friend on the back. ''When's the last time you did something silly and fun? When's the last time you made yourself laugh? Huh?''

While they had sworn off anymore booze or coke they were still technically pretty drunk and high and no one seemed to think this was a bad idea. In their inebriated brains it actually sounded like a brilliant hilarious one. With some encouragement and curse words from the others Quinn eventually stood and went to Brittany just to shut them up.

Brittany twisted her body in the dress to make more room for Quinn who stepped into it and tried to shimmy herself in fully but then something happened. Everyone was laughing and snickering and Brittany lost her balance and began to wobble in place which then made Quinn lose her balance and do her own jerky, wobbly dance. _And then before either of them knew it there was a loud tearing sound and they were both on the floor._

''What the fuck just happened?'' asked Santana, shooting up from the couch to stand over them.

Quinn and Brittany were splayed out on the floor and were now comfortably in the dress together - only thanks to the large tear in the front of it which had made their squeezing in possible.

Santana's eyes went wide. ''Tell me this is okay, tell me Mercedes can still wear that.''

Quinn looked down at her and Brittany's bodies and at the torn dress they were wearing and was within seconds on the verge of tears. ''She can still wear this,'' she said lamely as she and Brittany slowly wiggled their bodies free of the garment.

''No, no, she can't! That is un-fucking-fixable!'' Santana shouted when it hit her, what they had just done. ''We're FUCKED.''

They had fucked up several times throughout the evening already but this - this took the fucking cake. They had torn the wedding dress practically in two.

Yes. There was no denying it now. They were indeed the assholes of the story.

''You know what,'' Brittany said as she stood upright. She was slightly twitchy from the latest batch of coke they had all just snorted up and was still a little out of her mind. ''We're just gonna hide it, we're just gonna make it look like someone broke in here and stole it!'' She began wadding the dress up into a ball and dropped to her knees to hide it in the mini fridge. ''Now we gotta ransack the place!''

''Brittany, Brittany, Brittany,'' Quinn tried to settle her friend down. ''No!''

Brittany hopped back up onto her bare feet, grabbed a champagne bottle and threw it against the wall. It smashed, glass and liquid erupted from it.

''What the fuck are you doing!'' Quinn shouted when said bottle flew past her head. ''Santana stop your girlfriend!''

''She's not my girlfriend!''

 ** _SMASH!_**

Brittany had moved on from the champagne bottle to destroy a vase against the hardwood floor.

''Britt, hey,'' Santana began gently. ''Let's stop throwing things huh? Stop, okay? Everybody just calm down.'' She opened the mini bar and pulled the dress back out, holding it up and in front of all of them as they formed a tight circle. ''We need to be real, we need to fix this.''

''I thought you said this was un-fucking-fixable!'' Quinn retorted angrily.

''Yeah well,'' Santana chuckled frantically. ''I have done so much coke that I should be dead, like I should have died ten minutes ago so _perhaps_ we should get ourselves a second opinion.''

X

''Mercedes,'' Quinn said into her cell phone. ''Are you still up? Oh god, look at the time, you're probably in bed and I woke you-''

''No, I'm up. What's going on?'' Mercedes asked groggily.

Quinn, Santana and Brittany had made their way out of the hotel room and through several service doors until they located the large laundry room where they were running around in search of someone who worked there. Quinn took the opportunity to check in with the bride to be one final time to make sure she was tucking herself into bed, she didn't want to run the risk of them bumping into Mercedes while they ran around the hotel trying to fix their mess.

''Nothing I just wanted to say goodnight and that I'm gonna stick with Britt and Santana for the rest of the evening. Keep them in line ya know.''

''Listen, about them, I've really been thinking that the four of us need to talk about some stuff-''

''And we will, but not tonight,'' Quinn said gently and watched as Brittany and Santana ran ahead of her, only for Brittany to slip on her ass on the cement flooring and for Santana to run back and collect her friend. Together they sprinted when they saw an employee working her shift in the laundry department. ''You need your rest and I think they need to sober up before they can have any real conversation. But they said they're going to be there tomorrow and that they're gonna act like adults. They're gonna sit and be quiet and they're not going to drink or do anything to disrupt your and Sam's big day.''

''Yeah. Alright. I guess I'll see you all in the morning. Get some rest, make sure they do too. Okay? Night.''

Quinn blinked as drunk tears formed in her eyes. ''Goodnight, Mercedes.''

Meanwhile several yards away…

Santana and Brittany had approached the female employee and tossed the wedding dress onto a large table so the woman could inspect it. They had laid out their dilemma and she had told them she couldn't help several times and yet, they were too fucked up and freaked out to hear it properly.

''This is an emergency,'' said Brittany.

''An EMERGENCY,'' reiterated Santana.

''And as I said before,'' the woman said firmly, ''I'm sorry but I can't help you.''

''Well what are we paying you for?'' Brittany asked.

''We're not paying her.''

''Well somebody is paying her.''

''She's right, that's true somebody _is_ paying you.''

''Are you a volunteer?'' Brittany questioned the woman. ''What kind of false economy is this?!''

The woman shook her head at their nonsense. ''Are y'all high?''

''That MADAM is none of your business,'' Santana wailed. ''And I'm pretty sure that's like a violation of my rights to even ask that!''

''You just violated her rights!'' Brittany pointed at Santana.

''You know what I'm taking out my phone and I'm getting video of this because we are social justice warriors and I will not stand by as you walk all over MY LIBERTIES!''

''I'm calling security.'' The woman eyed the nearby phone attached to a wall.

Santana turned around to see that Quinn had just finished her call and was no just dumbly staring down at her cell phone.

''QUINN! WE HAVE A BIT OF A CATASTROPHE HERE!'' Santana screamed at the top of her lungs. ''You wanna come help us fix the fucking dress?!''

Quinn took a calming breath and went to join them standing around the table with the woman with the dress on display between them.

''Okay please,'' Quinn began in a soft reasonable tone to the woman. ''There's gotta be something you can do here.''

''This is housekeeping, not Project Runway,'' the women explained. ''What you need is a tailor and tailors don't work in the middle of the night.''

''But girlfriend to girlfriend you gotta be able to do something for us, please.'' Quinn tried again. ''This is our friend's wedding dress. The ceremony is tomorrow.''

The woman looked down at the dress again and inspected it more closely. ''If you bring it back first thing in the morning I can clean it for you.''

''Clean it? It doesn't need to be cleaned.'' Quinn laughed until she looked down at a spot the woman pointed to. There was now a splotch of bright red blood dribbled across the front. _''Holy fuck who's bleeding?''_

Santana put a hand to her nose to check herself. ''Wait am I bleeding? No?''

''No.''

''Then who's bleeding?''

Quinn and Santana looked to Brittany who had a small river of blood dripping down from her nose. She blinked completely unaware of the fact.

''What?'' Brittany asked them, weirded out by their stares.

It took her a moment to realize why and when she did she let out a pathetic little cry. Her shoulders quaked as tears started to roll out of her.

''I'm bleeding, I'm bleeding, I'm dying aren't I? This is how it happens!''

''No, hey,'' Santana said urgently, going to her and holding her side. ''You're fine, you're gonna be fine.''

The hotel employee offered Santana a tissue who then tore it into pieces and stuck two of them up into each of Brittany's nostrils. It was strangely adorable.

''There see!'' Santana said and plastered a false smile onto her face in the hopes of calming Brittany down and stopping her from making all of those horrible whimpering noises that broke her heart. ''You're all better now.''

''I am?'' Brittany asked.

''Absolutely. But I'm thinking like maybe no more coke, ever, for any of us.'' Santana touched Brittany's face supportively and nudged one of her bloody nose tissues up a tad when it had become loose.

Quinn meanwhile was staring down at the torn and now bloody dress. ''Now what?''

She turned and looked for answers from her friends but just found Santana fluttering about and tending to Brittany's face.

''Santana!'' she shouted.

''WHAT?'' Santana screamed and turned around. The dress situation had taken a backseat to a freaked out Brittany.

 _''What the fuck are we gonna do?''_

X

 **So yeah. I love all of the characters but in this wacky Bachelorette AU the unholy trinity are kind of messy assholes. Messy but loveable assholes but messy all the same. That's sorta how the movie is.**

 **I'm still following the movie at this point (but again I'm injecting bits of my own dialogue) but I think after the bridal shop/drugstore/strip club scenes I'm going to veer off almost completely and do my own thing. Stay tuned.**


	6. Chapter 6

''What we need to do now is brainstorm our next move.''

''We could leave the country.''

''We could fake our own deaths.''

''I'm talking about real solutions here guys, come on!'' Quinn huffed at her two friends.

After running into a dead end with the housekeeping woman who could do nothing for them, Santana, Brittany (her nose was still comically plugged with tissue) and Quinn had returned to wander the halls of the hotel. Nervously they paced up and down walking past door after door, turning corners, back tracking and basically walking in giant circles as they tried to brainstorm their next move.

''Alright I have an idea, we could call the woman I got the wedding dress from,'' Quinn suggested.

''That's a brilliant fucking plan, Q.''

''Right,'' Quinn agreed, she was pretty brilliant. They took a moment to pause in front of a bank of elevators and she pulled out her cell. ''I'm gonna get her on the phone but first how much cash do you two have on you?''

''I have five maxed out credit cards,'' Brittany offered.

''I have a twenty! Wait, no I ripped it, I have nothing.''

Quinn rolled her eyes. ''That sums up your lives.''

''You can give us shit later, just call the lady will you,'' Santana said.

Before Quinn could do so however a noisy group of people came around the corner. It appeared to be Finn Hudson, Mike Chang and Artie Abrams were forcing a blindfolded and unwilling Sam Evans down the hallway, right in their direction.

Santana turned to Quinn and without a word they both took hold of Brittany, who was standing between them holding the bloody torn wedding dress, and rushed her into one of the elevators. They couldn't have anyone seeing the dress like that, it was much too risky, they didn't want to chance someone seeing it and word getting back to Mercedes. All they needed was a little bit of time to fix their mess and no one would ever have to know about any of this.

With Brittany hidden in an elevator Santana and Quinn used their bodies to conveniently block them from that specific one in the hopes that they'd simply hop into one of the other two elevators available.

''Ohhh it looks like we've been caught in the act,'' Finn said as he pointedly eyed them up and down in a very obnoxious smarmy way. ''You've found us in route to a gentlemen's club.''

Quinn's face was expressionless and her voice was deadpan. She didn't have time for this doofus. ''Are you sure you're gonna get in cause I don't see any gentlemen here.''

Finn laughed at her dry joke like an idiot but the blindfolded Sam launched into speech. It seemed he thought Mercedes was with them…

''Mercedes I know this is a total cliche,'' he said, ''the guys taking me to a strip club and all but I want you to know I don't even care about any of this. In fact I didn't even want to go but-'' he paused and held up his hands which were tied together for some reason. ''The guys are taking me out for a drink but that's all it is, a drink, because yeah we're gonna say 'I do' tomorrow but as far as I'm concerned I've already made my commitment to you and that's all I care about and-''

''Mercedes isn't with us,'' Santana groaned in annoyance. ''She called it a night and went to her room.''

''You ladies wouldn't want to join us would you?'' Finn asked.

''I can't, I have bridesmaids duties, so,'' Quinn answered and held up her phone, indicating she was up to something mondo important.

''And I can't tag along, sadly I gave up strip clubs for lent,'' Santana said and attempted to look crestfallen.

The men just shrugged in response, they didn't appear all that bothered that neither of them accepted the invitation, although Artie did roll forward and nod at Santana. Sensing he wanted to have a private word with her she leaned down.

''Hey Santana I'm not sure if Brittany caught up with you or not but I told her to tell you that I was maybe interested in, um, buying a little pot from you, if you had any that is. Just because back in high school you were that girl who knew how to get everything and-''

She held up a hand to silence him and stood upright and to the side so she could stick her hand down the front of her dress and pull something out.

''Why do you and Brittany carry your valuables in there, seriously?'' Quinn grimaced at having to watch her friend fondle herself.

Santana found the desired item, a small baggie, which she threw into Artie's lap. ''It's your lucky day, Abrams, because after tonight I'm done with all of my favorite vices. Have fun, it's all yours.''

Artie smiled in gratitude and the other men chuckled in amusement as they all started to pile into an elevator. Santana however grabbed Sam and held him back for a moment. He pulled his blindfold off and waited to see what she wanted.

''Hey Sam! One more thing.'' Santana's voice was suddenly warm and friendly as she pulled him into a side hug like they were the best of buddies. ''I was telling Quinn over here that you do a Mcconaughey impression and Q here is like all about the Mcconaughey because she has a thing for generic white boys and I was wondering if you could maybe do a little something for us.''

Sam's eyes lit up like Christmas at the chance to show off one of his impressions. _''I once got some pretty sweet waves down in the Dominican, hey-hey-hey,''_ he said and added a weird southern Mcconaughey lilt to his voice. _''How about you and I go smoke a little grass and play bongos man? Huh? Huh?''_

His impression.

Was horrifying.

But both Santana and Quinn grinned like it was the most awesome hysterical thing they had ever witnessed. Quinn wasn't entirely sure why Santana was pretending to eat this up and play like she was suddenly pals with Sam but she figured her friend was working some angle so she played along.

''Oh man if you love that then you're also gonna love my Denzel impression too!'' Sam then dropped his voice into an intense almost-whisper. _''Alright, alright, remember those titans, training day, you better come correct cause I'm comin' for you and when I do it's your day to train, training day is here, ha-ha-ha, my man alright!''_

''Wow, Sam, you should like totally do this for a living. That was great.'' Santana cracked up into completely fake ass laughter, a fact which seemed to float right over Sam's head. She then removed herself from their side hug and nudged him into the elevator where Mike, Artie and Finn were still waiting. ''Well your friends are waiting so I'll let you go but I want to hear more tomorrow at the wedding alright, save a dance for me, pal.''

Sam nodded eagerly. He looked so happy to have a fan. The elevator doors started to close though just as he was launching into yet another impression. '' _This morning I woke up and decided to swallow the sun_ \- guess who that is? Huh huh guess.''

Quinn and Santana however made no attempt to do so and they breathed a sigh of relief once the doors slid shut and the groom and his companions for the evening were safely away, no where near them or the ruined dress.

Quinn grimaced. Watching Santana act kind was just so unnatural and unsettling. ''Christ almighty what the hell was that about?''

''I had to distract him,'' Santana explained, the bite in her voice returning automatically now that her little performance was over. ''I had to pretend to find his ridiculous impressions funny so he wouldn't fucking notice I just lifted his wallet. Buh-bam!''

With a flourish of her hands Santana magically produced a black wallet which she opened up and pulled several hundred dollar bills out of.

''You just stole from the groom,'' Quinn said, unsure if that had been a wise more.

''Psh. Whatever. Like that's the most scandalous thing I've done tonight,'' Santana scoffed. ''Anyway he's loaded, he's not gonna miss it, I'll return his I.D. and important crap later but you said we needed cash to fix this wedding dress. Problem fuckin' solved.''

Behind them an elevator dinged and opened and Brittany stumbled out.

''Guys...I know I'm high but the room you just pushed me into... _it was moving_.''

X

A short while later they found their way out of the hotel and after a cab ride they were dropped off in front of a sleek trendy looking bridal shop where they waited for what felt like an eternity for the store owner to arrive.

While Quinn walked in small tight circles on the pavement grumbling to herself, Brittany and Santana came to stand near the side of the building as they worked together to stuff the wedding dress into a black trash bag. By the time they had all of it in they were out of breath.

Despite the ridiculousness of the situation, and the deep shit they were all in if they didn't get things fixed, they smiled at each other.

''What?'' Brittany asked.

''Nothing.''

''No, what?''

Santana lifted a shoulder. ''Seriously, it's nothing, it's just you look cute with those tiny wads of tissue up your nose.''

Brittany held a hand up to her. Right. She had totally forgotten about those. She tried to pull them out as gracefully and lady-like as she could, which was not at all, because pulling tissue out of your nose was not attractive. Santana seemed pretty tickled about it though.

''That's crazy sexy,'' Santana teased.

''Shut up.''

''No really,'' Santana joked. ''I'm like so turned on over here. That's totally going in the spank bank.''

Brittany slapped the side of Santana's ass playfully, just enough that she would feel it. It as a tad flirtatious and knew she knew it. ''Stop making me laugh. We have to get for real here. Do you think we're gonna be able to pull this off?''

''I have no idea but I know if we don't...we're fucked in a way we've never been fucked before. I mean this-'' she paused and wiggled the wedding dress-filled trash bag between them, ''-this is not something a friendship just comes back from.''

''Do you really think she wouldn't forgive us?''

''I think this is a fucking sign that we're horrible fucking people and you know what if Mercedes never speaks to us again I wouldn't even blame her. Hell after tonight I don't even want to speak to myself ever again. You know...we made that stupid promise on the plane to not let anybody else ruin her big day when really, me and you should have just stayed our asses home because here we are.'' Santana raised her hands up into the night sky. ''It never even occurred to us that we'd be the fuck ups who ruined it when _of course we'd be the fuck ups who ruined it_.''

''We have like five hours though. We can still fix this.''

Quinn approached them, interjecting herself. ''Alright the owner of the bridal shop is two blocks away and here's the new game plan okay? We're gonna get Mercedes a whole new dress.''

''What, why a whole new dress? Why can't we just fix this one?'' asked Santana.

''Just trust me,'' Quinn urged. ''I am the least high out of all of us. This is the simplest solution to our problem. Is it perfect? No. We'll have to tell Mercedes what happened, yes, but at least she'll have something to walk down the aisle in. Alright?''

Santana supposed that made the most logical sense and Brittany nodded in agreement because it wasn't like she had a better plan.

''And just a heads up,'' Quinn continued, ''this shop owner, Emma, has some freakish Bambi eyes so be prepared and don't stare.''

Soon this Emma was walking towards them looking tired, frustrated and frazzled. Her red hair was pulled back haphazardly. She looked like a pleasant woman who had been recently pushed too far.

''Emma!''

''Emma!''

''Emmaaaaaa!''

The three of them began shouting with joy as the shop owner made her way over as if this were a gathering of friends.

''Oohhh, hello, look it's the maid of honor from hell that has landed on my doorstep,'' Emma chirped and stood before Quinn. ''No I'd much rather be here with you and your skanky friends than maybe getting touched by my husband, _thanks_.''

''Chill out,'' said Santana.

''You're beautiful,'' Brittany sighed dreamily.

''Sorry I called you so much,'' Quinn said sweetly.

Emma took a step back, alarmed at Quinn's pleasantness. ''Okay, you're being nice and it's scaring me, stop. What do you need?''

''Well,'' Quinn carried on, again turning on the prim and proper in the hopes of making all of this work in her favor. ''Our lovely bride has decided she doesn't want to wear her wedding dress so we need a new one.''

Emma squinted and held up her hand, silencing her. ''I'm sorry I was just in my brain right now hurting you, what did you just say?''

''Buh-bam!'' Santana shouted pulling out a wad of hundreds and shoving it into Emma's face.

Emma grabbed the cash and sighed as she pushed past the three of them so she could open her store and allow them entrance.

X

Fifteen minutes later they were all inside the beautiful and pristine bridal shop and while Emma was in the back stock room in search of a few suitable selections for them to choose from they had all taken a moment to catch their breath.

Quinn plopped herself down into a chair and began rubbing the side of her forehead while she waited.

Brittany however began to wander the rest of the shop when she noticed Santana had disappeared. She checked a few of the connected rooms. She wasn't in the shoes or the dresses, or even in the corner where the tiaras and bling were displayed in glass cases. But she eventually came to find her in a room fitted with several mannequins on a sort of elevated catwalk like display. The lights were off in this particular room but the mannequins themselves were visible due to small strategically placed lights at their bases.

Santana was leaning against a glass counter, smoking a cigarette and looking up to silently admire the wedding dresses. Or rather one specific wedding dress on one specific mannequin. It was simple and classic and gorgeous and the way she was looking at it made Brittany's heart ache. There was a certain sadness and longing there that couldn't be denied. Santana's eyes were even a little glassy.

''You know they say every story ends one of three ways,'' Santana said though she didn't turn to look at Brittany, she just stared ahead. ''No matter what the story is, no matter when the story takes place or what it's about, there's only three endings. It's, like, basic storytelling, whether it's a book or a movie they usually end one of three ways. Either someone dies, someone gives birth...or someone gets married.''

Brittany made a quiet but thoughtful noise and came to stand at her side. Their shoulders bumped slightly.

Santana continued. ''I'm really hoping this story ends with a wedding because I get the feeling if someone dies it might be me, at the hands of Mercedes. Possibly Quinn.''

Brittany laughed lightly at her joke.

''So is that Emma chick still looking?'' asked Santana.

''Yeah, she hasn't brought anything out yet. What were you doing?''

''Just having a smoke, which I should probably put out. It's probably a bitch to get the smell out of that fancy fabric huh?''

There was an awkward beat.

''I've never been in one of these places,'' Brittany said. ''Everything's really pretty and shiny.'' She reached out to touch the hem of the dress Santana had been staring at. ''What do you think of this one?''

Santana shrugged in reply and dropped her cigarette to the shiny marble floor where she stomped on it with a heel.

''Why does it matter what I think about a dumb dress?'' Santana asked, but there was something strange about her voice. It wasn't angry or combative in any way, it just sounded really incredibly _profoundly_ sad. ''Go ask Quinn.''

''I'm asking you.''

''Well I don't know what you want me to say. It's just a dress. They're all just dresses, they don't mean anything.''

Brittany tilted her head and considered that. ''If that was true none of us would be freaking out trying to fix the one we wrecked. It must mean something to Mercedes.''

''Well obviously, but Mercedes isn't me. Don't get me wrong I want her and Trouty Mouth to be happy, but all of this…'' she motioned to the gowns and the mannequins and veils all around them. ''Is bullshit. They're just things and they don't mean anything in the end. You know? So I say who gives a shit what I think.''

''I do.''

Brittany hadn't planned to do it like this, to push like this, she had just wanted to continue their fun flirtatious moment from earlier in the hopes that Santana would relax enough to open up and talk, really talk, but that looked like it was a bust. Still she couldn't let the moment go now that they were here.

She couldn't stop thinking about how close they had been in that hotel room when they were alone together and Brittany couldn't shake all the feelings that were bubbling up inside of her. Even though she had always told herself she was over _it_ , Brittany knew that probably wasn't true. Otherwise she wouldn't feel like crying, seeing Santana in a room full of wedding gowns.

''How come we never talk about what happened?''

''Talk about what?'' Santana played stupid. ''The fact that Quinn's totally a repressed lemon?''

''Santana...I'm being serious. You know what. We never talk about it.''

''Maybe we don't talk about _it_ because there's nothing to talk about, Britt. I put myself out there _for you_ and I made a fool out of myself, end of story.''

''Not _end of story_ ,'' Brittany said, quietly pleading for Santana to say something real. ''Me and you...we've been doing this just friends thing for awhile but me and you have never had an end to _our_ story.''

''Well that wasn't my call.''

''Yeah it was because you're the one who left. I was still all in, but you walked away.''

''Yeah and I'm never walking back, so why are you bringing this stuff up now?''

''Did you want to kiss me earlier?''

''What?''

''Earlier at the bachelorette party when you took me to the bedroom and we sat down and- _did you want to kiss me?_ ''

Santana's said nothing but she blinked rapidly, looking thrown by such a point blank straight forward question.

''Cause I wanted to kiss you,'' Brittany admitted freely, unashamed. ''And god I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted you to more than kiss me. Santana...I want-''

''Guys!'' Quinn shouted from the other room. ''Emma found some stuff for us. We might have some wedding dress contenders here. Come look. And so help me if you two are doing any more coke I swear to god I will tit punch the both of you!''

Before Brittany could go back and finish what she was saying however Santana used Quinn's crass interruption to make an escape to the main show room of the bridal shop.

X

 **Okay dudes, I'm gonna try to update once more before the weekend, but I might be a tad busy because work, and then also this weekend I'm going to see Stevie Nicks in concert. I'll report back to tell you if I cry or not during Landslide. But I'll get back to this story asap ;)**

 **Also if you want to come poke at me I'm yourstreetserenade on tumblr.**


	7. Chapter 7

''Can we please stop all of this and turn around?''

Sam was fidgeting in the back of the limo as Finn, Artie and Mike watched him quite literally attempt to chew threw the cloth restraints around his wrist. He was surprisingly unsuccessful, considering his crazy huge mouth allowed him a lot of jaw flexibility.

This really wasn't how he wanted to be spending the night before his wedding but his best friend Finn was pretty much holding him captive.

They were travelling through the city on their way to a strip club. Artie and Mike just looked excited to be invited but overall just seemed to be kind of along for the ride, like they weren't truly invested in the destination of this particular field trip. Finn however was the one who appeared overly eager to get Sam, along the others, in front of some naked women.

''Man, you need to chill,'' Finn said to his oldest friend who was seated at his side. He began handing out beverage from the icebox to everyone, including Sam who purposely dropped and spilled it in protest. ''Say, Artie...you're name's Artie right? You ever been to a strip club?''

Artie smiled and began to stammer and nod. ''Of course I've been to a strip club, hence why I know that it's actually kind of awkward. You never know what to expect, it's weird and not all that sexy either.''

''Kind of have to agree,'' Mike added with an uncomfortable smile.

''I'm with Artie on this one,'' Sam said.

''Damn it, Sam,'' Finn laughed. ''I will not let you kill fun during your own bachelor party.''

''No, this is like negative fun,'' Sam laughed right back although frustration was starting to seep into his voice. ''You don't get it.''

''Get what?'' Finn questioned.

''When you meet the one...all you want to do is hold on to the person,'' Sam explained to his emotionally and mentally challenged friend. ''When you have something real everything else just becomes empty. I don't want to go a strip club. That's not what I'm about, Finn.''

''If Sam's not into this why don't we just forget the club and go to dinner,'' Mike suggested. ''Have a couple beers, order some steaks.''

''We can still have a good time,'' Artie said in support of that. ''We don't need to go to a strip club for that.''

''Buzzkills all of you,'' Finn scoffed in disgust. ''Look I'm the best man so I'm calling the shot here. Let's go to the club and have _a_ drink and if you losers decide to call it a night after that, fine, but not until then.'' He then pointed a finger at Mike and Artie. ''And for your information I was actually planning to get both of you laid tonight because I'm generous and upstanding like that, but you know what, that offer is off the table now. I'll just bang my way through the bridesmaids by myself.''

Artie and Mike exchanged a look between them. They were guests of Mercedes first and foremost which meant they knew her, which also meant unlike Finn they also knew the B-faces.

Finn getting anywhere near them and surviving to tell the tale was unlikely.

''Yeah good luck,'' Mike said with a shake of his head. ''You should trust us when we say you shouldn't play with the B-faces like that though. We knew them in high school and-''

''Listen buddy,'' Finn mocked, ''this is not my first rodeo. I've been the best man to friends and family half a dozen times, okay? Nailing bridesmaids is like shooting fish in a barrel for me.''

''Can you not talk that way about my future wife's friends like that,'' Sam said. He wasn't amused with his friend any longer.

Finn paid him no mind and kept spewing out words. ''What are the names of those two who were sitting next to each other at the rehearsal?'' He snapped his fingers at Artie like he was wait staff.

''Brittany and Santana,'' Artie supplied.

''Brittany and Santana,'' hummed Finn. ''Hot.''

''Yeahhhh, if you want to keep both testicles you don't want to go anywhere near those two,'' said Mike. ''I mean, great girls, a little nutty at times but great girls.''

''But?'' Finn questioned.

''But the two of them dated back in high school,'' Artie interjected, ''and were seriously all about each other and they're not together now but from what I've seen and heard through the grapevine-''

''What grapevine?'' asked Mike.

''Sugar's Twitter.'' Artie handed Mike his phone to show him. ''She was live-tweeting the bachelorette party earlier. According to her eyewitness account she saw them getting a little close and cuddly in a bedroom. My point is, Finn, you don't want to step in that.''

''Fine whatever.'' Finn shrugged and moved on. ''I'll take down the maid of honor then, what's her name? Quinn?''

''That's an even worse idea,'' Mike advised.

''Why? What do you mean?''

''Because,'' Sam said, ''you know how there are serial killers and _then there's Hannibal Lector_ ….well there are girls... _and then there's Quinn_.''

X

''Okay, this is what I have. It's not much but here we are…''

Santana was standing with Quinn and Brittany as Emma walked out of her stock room with a couple of dresses for them to inspect and decide on. The girls quickly concluded that most of the selection in front of them was butt fuckingly ugly and simply _not_ Mercedes. There was one however that Emma insisted they really take a good look at. She pulled the final dress out of a bag and showed them. It was beautiful, it was elegant, it was stunning.

''Everyone wants this cut, it's so popular,'' Emma encouraged and waved to the gown as if it were an item on The Price Is Right.

''It's gorgeous,'' Brittany sighed as a sense of recognition came over her. ''Oh my god, Quinn, that's the dress you've wanted to get married in ever since you were a little girl.''

Quinn went pale. Well, paler.

Santana meanwhile turned to Brittany with a look of relief. The situation wasn't perfect and they were sure to get their asses rightfully chewed out after they explained themselves but at least Mercedes would have a dress. Crisis averted. Right?

''Wrap it up,'' Santana instructed Emma.

'' _No,_ '' Quinn said.

''What do you mean no?'' Santana laughed. This was their answer.

''I mean N-fucking-O,'' Quinn repeated again, this time more firmly. ''Over my dead body.''

Without another word or explanation Quinn threw her hand up at Emma, signally that she was done with her, and began a quick angry looking stride for the exit. Santana and Brittany had no choice but to follow, hauling their wedding dress-filled trash bag with them. They had plenty of Sam's cash left over even after bribing Emma into opening her store but nowhere near enough to actually purchase a new dress, at least not one that would look as beautiful on Mercedes as that one. Quinn was the only one between them that had the means to lay down her credit card but she was storming out on them.

''Quinn, come on, what the fuck?'' Santana hollered at her friend's back as she and Brittany trailed behind. ''That was our solution!''

Quinn halted and turned to face them as they came to pause on the sidewalk just outside of the shop. ''Mercedes can't get married in that. Not in that dress. Not in _my_ dress.''

Santana waved her hand about in aggravation. ''This is clearly some girl shit that I don't understand so may I just be very diplomatic and say LET IT FUCKING GO!''

''No! I'm not going to watch Mercedes walk down the aisle in my dream wedding dress,'' Quinn countered snottily. _''I'd rather lick this sidewalk.''_

''Fine.'' Santana shrugged. ''Lick the sidewalk.''

''Don't be ridiculous, I'm not going to lick the sidewalk!''

''Yeah you fucking are! You lick the sidewalk,'' Santana ordered, pointing a finger in her face. ''You lick this sidewalk right now!''

''I'll lick it too,'' Brittany said to Quinn for moral support.

''No.'' Santana placed a gentle hand on her ex to move her aside as she and Quinn faced off. ''Britt you don't lick the sidewalk,'' she tore her gaze away from Brittany and aimed it back at Quinn, '' _you_ lick the sidewalk.''

''Why?''

''You want me to let this go? You want us to find another way? Okay but you have to lick this sidewalk right here, right now Fabray.'' If Quinn wanted them to walk away from this solution to their problem this was going to be Santana's condition.

''Just do a little lick. Like a cat lick.'' Brittany made a funny little slurpy sound with her mouth.

''Yeah, Quinn, like a cat lick,'' Santana taunted.

Quinn swallowed and looked down at the disgusting pavement beneath her. She looked like she might pass out or cry but she eventually decided to do what she had to do. If this was the only way to get Santana to let this go…

She got down on her knees in front of them and placed both palms to the ground to brace herself.

Santana tapped a foot obnoxiously and Quinn slapped at it because it was way too close to her for her liking. ''Hurry it up, just do it fast.''

''Like you're taking off a band aid,'' Brittany suggested helpfully.

''Or doing anal for the first time.''

Quinn lowered her face closer and closer to the sidewalk and closed her eyes as she pushed out her tongue just slightly. Her features were contorted in repulsion.

''Is that how your face looks when you have sex?''

''Shut the hell up Santana. Let me do this my way alright, I'm mentally preparing myself.''

She took one deep final breath before pushing herself forward and gave the pavement a tiny cat lick. Within seconds she was spluttering all over herself and making gross gagging noises as she wiped her tongue with her hand.

''You're so pathetic, Q.''

''Whatever.'' Quinn picked herself up from off the ground now that her humiliation was over. ''I did it though so now we're moving on.''

Brittany looked between her two friends and very matter of factly stated, ''You know Mercedes couldn't wear that dress anyway, a vice cut would look awful on her. It utilizes the stretch of the fabric in a diagonal direction accentuating body lines. It would look all wrong on her…''

Santana and Quinn squinted at Brittany in both confusion and awe.

''Wait...what?'' Quinn asked. ''What did you just say? How did you know all that stuff?''

Brittany lifted a shoulder in nonchalance. ''Remember, _I did a semester of Fashion Design_ in L.A. like way back when.''

Santana shook her head. Of course she knew that. It had been Brittany's dream right before, well... ''Britt...that means you know how to sew things right?''

Brittany rolled her eyes at the two of them. ''Duh I know how to sew!''

X

Within the next fifteen minutes they had formulated yet another game plan which they began preparing for once they found a 24 hour drugstore. Quinn wandered off on her own to search for sewing accessories and Santana and Brittany had automatically splintered off from her to head for the rear of the store for the long back aisle where frozen food and chilled beverages were stocked.

They had sworn off any illegal stimulants but they did need a little something to keep them up and alert. There in the middle of the aisle they were slamming down energy drinks and scarfing from a box of Twinkies. Surely the caffeine and sugar would do the trick they thought.

''Alright, Brittany, are you ready to Betsy Ross the shit out of this dress?''

''Yes. Also this drink tastes like gasoline.''

They took a gulp in unison and wiggled their bodies as the liquid made it's way down their throats.

They ate and drank in silence for several long moments.

Santana found it hard not to stare at Brittany though, because how was it possible for her to make eating a freaking Twinkie look so cute. Even with creamy Twinkie filling smeared at the side of her mouth...Brittany was still the most adorable thing she had ever seen.

And god, she felt like an asshole for walking away from their conversation earlier at the bridal shop, but she had to. Santana knew that if she had stayed there for a second longer and looked into Brittany's eyes she would have given herself away, she would have crumbled, because of course Santana had wanted to kiss her. Of course she had wanted to touch her. More than anything.

But she refused to go there. Not again.

Her heart had been shattered by Brittany once and while she had never quite figured out how to reassemble it, she had found a way to cobble together the important bits. She wasn't about to offer that up to run the risk of getting it smashed again.

And so she lied.

''I didn't.''

''What?'' Brittany asked, her mouth full of Twinkie.

''I didn't,'' Santana said again. ''Want to kiss you earlier. I didn't.''

''Oh.''

''I mean you asked me at the bridal shop and I didn't exactly give you an answer but just so we're clear: I didn't.''

It took a few seconds for any kind of expression to register on Brittany's face but when one finally did Santana was confused as to why it looked like her ex slash best friend seemed amused more than anything. She didn't look angry, she didn't look sad, she didn't look heartbroken, she looked like she thought Santana had just said the funniest thing she had ever heard.

Which was why Brittany's response was to steal the last Twinkie from the box and let out an airy little laugh in Santana's face. ''Sure. Right. Fine. If that's how you want to play it…''

Brittany walked off, not even dignifying Santana's denial with a proper response. It was Brittany's clear disbelief of her words that made Santana scamper after her with a need to prove how much she hadn't wanted Brittany. Which, okay, she did, but she certainly wasn't prepared or willing to just admit that.

''You don't believe me?''

''Not really.''

''Well I didn't,'' Santana insisted with a chuckle in some lame but adorable attempt at nonchalance. ''But it's totally understandable how you could misinterpret our friendly moment as something else.''

Brittany smiled, opened up the plastic wrapping of the Twinkie and tore into the spongy treat with relish as they walked through the store, casually strolling through aisles of magazines, make up and miscellaneous. ''Sure. Misinterpret. Like I've been misinterpreting how for the past ten minutes you've been staring at my boobs.''

''Staring at your wha-'' Santana laugh-scoffed as if that were the most absurd thing she had ever heard. ''No I wasn't. I haven't been-don't make it like I-'' she sputtered, at a loss for words briefly before firing back in a light playful tone, ''for your information I have been over you and your boobs for a very long time.''

Brittany just chewed and smirked. ''Mmm, is that so?''

The blonde was clearly toying with her.

''It's the truth,'' Santana said.

''You're cute when you're full of shit.''

''Excuse me?''

''I said you're cute when you're full of shit,'' Brittany repeated herself. ''Why can't you just admit that you _maybe might have possibly_ wanted to kiss me back there?''

''Maybe because I didn't,'' Santana chuckled awkwardly. ''Cause you know what, I love our friendship the way it is now. It works for me you know, heh. You and me can do breakfast and go to clubs and have our weekly Rupaul's Drag Race viewing party and there's no feelings or complications. We just are. And I? I can get laid whenever I want to now, no strings, no commitment, and yeah I was bummed out when we split but this works for me. I'm happy with my life, Brittany.''

Which was another lie, but there was no way in hell she was going to admit that.

''Stop looking at me like that,'' Santana warned lightheartedly.

''Like what?''

''Like you're humoring me.''

Brittany still appeared to be amused though. ''Sooooo you're saying you didn't want to kiss me?''

''No.'' _Yes._

''Or touch me?''

''Of course not.'' _Of course yes_.

''I don't believe that.''

''It's the truth though. Look I'm never gonna say what we had once wasn't great...it was...we were...great.'' Santana smiled warmly, softening at the memories. ''I mean...the feelings stuff...you know I was all about you back then, and the sex? The sex was…''

''It was something else,'' Brittany said, her own memories coming back to her. ''That was never a problem for us. Even you have to admit when we went to bed together...the world stopped spinning. We weren't just good together, we were better together. You and me, Santana.''

''I'm not denying that we had some good times and some fucking amazing sex, Britt. You know what that meant to me. It still means something to me. But we can't go back.''

''Says who?''

''Says me.'' Santana reached forward to wipe a smudge of Twinkie filling from Brittany's pink bottom lip. ''We have all of this wedding stuff in the air. It makes people do the wacky. It makes people look at their own messy as hell lives and question everything. I mean it's why Quinn is falling apart. I'd be lying if I said being at a wedding with you...doesn't bring up a lot of feelings, it does-''

''Then why won't you share them with me?''

Santana shrugged. ''Because the last time I shared my feelings like that with you...you broke my heart.''

The playfulness that had been in the air was gone now, suddenly, and replaced with a sort of quiet sadness. For each of them.

This time Brittany was the one to walk away from their conversation. Santana closed her eyes and stood alone for a few moments, hand to her head, before shaking herself out of it and starting off to find her. When she did she came to see that Brittany had already caught up with Quinn who was browsing sewing accessories and had apparently pulled the wedding dress out partially.

''What are you doing?'' Santana's eyes went wide. ''Why do you have the baby out of the garbage bag?''

Quinn looked at her as if it was obvious. ''I'm matching the thread color to the dress.''

''Uhhhhhh it's a wedding dress, I think maybe it's white,'' Santana replied, her voice dripping with annoyance.

''Actually,'' Brittany interjected and grabbed a package of thread from a peg. ''It's ivory.''

''Actually it's pearl,'' Quinn contested holding up a different color.

Brittany examined the thread more closely and with a nod concluded Quinn was indeed correct.

Santana grumbled. She was just ready to get out of this store and for their their little sewing mission to be over. ''You know knowing stuff like that does not make you guys cool, it makes you-''

''Amazing,'' Quinn supplied, looking a little bit in love with herself in the moment.

''Gorgeous,'' added Brittany.

''Incredible.''

''God blessed me with perfect tits, it's only right that people should know that.''

Santana made a ridiculous face at the two blondes who had been talking in turn. ''I was going to say it makes you _fucking nerds_.''

''Whatever,'' Quinn shushed her. ''Let's just buy this shit so Brittany can work her magic and we can fix this dress before Mercedes wakes up on her wedding day to find it missing. So are we good? Do we got everything?''

''I think so,'' Brittany answered as she looked at the supplies Quinn had gathered for them.

''So how fast can you sew?'' Quinn asked Brittany.

''Well, it would be faster if I had a sewing machine.''

''Okay...who do we know that can get us a sewing machine?''

The three contemplated silently for a moment before a light bulb went off above Santana's head. ''Brittany your boobs!''

''What?'' Brittany grasped her own boobs in confusion. ''Are they out or something?''

''No,'' Santana said. ''But that stripper, what's his name?''

''Elliot.''

''Yeah, Elliot. You still have his card in your boobs right? You said he was in fashion school or some design class or some shit, do you think he might have a sewing machine?''

''Wouldn't hurt to ask.'' Brittany pulled the business card out from her boobs and started dialing.

Quinn shook her head. ''Seriously, why do you two carry things in there?''

X

They made the call, or rather Brittany made the call on their behalf and while Elliot did express regret and genuine sorrow for inadvertently hurting Mercedes and said he wished he could help he informed them that he wasn't at home. He was out working, it seemed when he wasn't moonlighting as a stripper he picked up some bucks here and there working a bartending gig at a gentlemen's club. Because he was out, he said, he was nowhere near his sewing machine and gear and unfortunately that meant he wouldn't be able to help them.

Loud thumping music could be heard in the background and it sounded like Elliot was trying to say something else but his voice was drowned out. It sounded far away and fuzzy before the call was dropped.

But they were on a mission and they weren't going to let that stop them and so that's why they hailed the nearest cab and hauled their asses across town to find Elliot in person. If their sob story didn't tug at his heartstrings and do the trick they were counting on bribing him with the fistful of hundreds they still had from Sam's wallet.

What they weren't expecting when they, along with their trash bag, landed at the entrance of the strip club however was the doorman refusing them entrance.

''No females without a male escort,'' the man said, holding up a hand and blocking them from walking forward.

Santana was pissed. ''That's sexist and _homophobic_. I'm a lesbian and these could be my girlfriends. Like I've tapped this.'' She gestured to her side where Brittany stood. ''Multiple times. Hundreds of times. Once in water.''

''Upside down even,'' Brittany added.

''So,'' Santana resumed telling the doorman off, ''what the fuck, you don't know. How do you know we aren't taking our friend…'' she then pointed a finger at Quinn's face, ''this pressed lemon over here to blow off a little steam, huh?''

''Whatever ladies just move on down the street,'' he grunted.

Quinn stepped closer to him, insulted by the insinuation. ''Did you just call us prostitutes? Listen I got a scholarship to Princeton.''

They B-faces were about to give him the verbal thrashing of a lifetime but the man was spared the nightmare as just then Sam walked out of the club and walked straight into the scene. Apparently he and his companions were visiting the very same strip joint. In a flash Santana drop kicked the bag to the side of the road. Conveniently there was a giant heap of other trash bags cluttering the sidewalk and he didn't seem to notice.

''Hey, it's okay, they're with me,'' Sam told the doorman who nodded in understanding and stepped to the side, letting them know they were now granted entrance.

''What is this misogyny night,'' scoffed Santana.

''What are you guys doing here?'' Sam asked.

''We, uh, came to hang out,'' Quinn supplied.

''Are you leaving?'' Brittany asked him.

Sam wrinkled up his nose. ''I didn't even want to come but Finn was on me to 'get wild' on my last night of freedom. He got distracted during a lap dance and I decided to make my escape. I just want to go back to my hotel room and get some shut eye, you know. I got a big day tomorrow and I want to look good for Mercedes when she walks down the aisle.''

They all nodded, quite aware that if their luck didn't turn around quickly Mercedes might not have anything to walk down that aisle in. He wished them a good night and they watched him slip into his limo to go back to the hotel. Once he was gone they turned to the mountain of trash bags on the sidewalk…

''Which one is it?'' Quinn asked.

''It's this one.'' Brittany picked a bag up and tore it open, making its contents spill out messily. Food, napkins and random bits of trash fell at her feet. ''Orrrrrrr maybe this one.'' Again she picked another trash bag up and opened it only to find it filled with more garbage.

Santana bent down to try a trash bag of her own. Only to find hers was filled with baby food and diapers. She gagged and chunked it as far away from her as possible. ''I threw it right here in this section. It has to be here.''

''Do not fucking tell me we lost the fucking dress.''

Brittany winced. ''We lost the fucking dress.''

X

 **A/N: so the ''lick this sidewalk'' scene is basically why I wanted to write this fic. It lasts for a grand total of like 20 seconds in the movie but it just screams Unholy Trinity to me. _Santana would totally make Quinn lick the sidewalk. And Brittany would totally egg her on with ''like a cat lick!''_ It's my favorite scene in the whole movie and I wish it lasted longer.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey all! First thing is first I'm still recovering from Stevie Nicks/The Pretenders. If you're interested I'll fill ya end at the end of the chapter on how it went ;)**

 **But I wanted to address something super quick. I just want to say thanks for reading/favoriting/following to everyone who gets what I'm going for with this fic, which is that it's a _silly_ story about some of our favorite characters being _incredibly_ dysfunctional and messy in this AU universe. I get the feeling from a couple of reviews that maybe I'm making some people angry? I'm not entirely sure. But if this story is upsetting to you in any way it's completely okay to check out of it. Don't read things that you don't like. Feel free to close the tab and find a story you truly enjoy. I love warm and fuzzy fics, but warm and fuzzy this is not. My intent was to always portray The Unholy Trinity in a _severe_ way that was maybe a little dark, a little comical, a lot dysfunctional. In the first chapter I did warn that certain characters would be assholey.**

 **And to the person who said the movie was shit - personally I actually enjoyed the first half of it when the girls were all together being ridiculous (the second half of the movie, meh). I thought Kirsten Dunst, Lizzy Caplan, Isla Fisher and Rebel Wilson made the characters watchable. Not always likable but watchable. And honestly, I survived Glee so my threshold for horrible characters/writing is pretty high.**

X

''Maybe this is what we deserve,'' Quinn sighed to herself.

She along with Santana and Brittany had been poking and prodding about in the mountain of trash bags in search of the wedding dress and after opening at least a dozen bags they had come up empty handed. And now they were almost quite literally knee deep in garbage.

''I'm standing in trash.''

''We're all standing in trash Quinn,'' Santana reminded her.

''Maybe the universe is trying to tell us something,'' Brittany thought aloud.

Quinn let out a mirthless little laugh that quickly transformed into a pathetic self-pitying whimper. ''What? That since we're such garbage friends with such garbage lives it's only fitting we end this lovely evening of hours mucking about in actual fucking garbage.''

Quinn looked overwhelmed and a little at wits end. Brittany kindly bent down to grab an already _soiled_ tissue from the trash and handed it to Quinn who took it without even noticing. Completely unaware of where it had come from Quinn dabbed her eyes with it all delicately.

''Thanks Britt.''

Brittany shot Santana a look and they pulled ridiculous _'oh my god that was awesome I can't believe you got her to do that'_ faces at each other, so very amused at having one over on their friend. Their gleeful moment was cut short however when Santana let out the squeakiest, girliest little scream and hopped several feet into the air.

''What's wrong?'' Brittany asked.

Santana shivered. ''Something just ran across my foot!''

''Are you playing with us?''

''No I'm not playing with you. Something actually ran across my foot.'' Santana spoke evenly to get her point across, she wasn't joking or being silly and was in fact completely serious.

''You're just imagining things,'' Quinn dismissed her. ''Now will you please go back to looking for the dress?''

''JESUS SHIT THERE IT IS AGAIN!'' Santana shouted as she pointed her finger at the vermin dodging around in the piles of trash they were standing in. She let out a series of short high pitched screams as she practically leapt into Brittany's arms. Brittany in response went into automatic protect mode, wrapping Santana in her limbs. ''It's a fat disgusting sewer rat! See!''

Quinn hopped up onto a slightly elevated pile of garbage bags, trying to get as far away from the rat who was dodging wildly around them. ''Oh my god ew ew ew.''

Santana meanwhile was on the verge of a comical sob. She couldn't help it, _it had touched her_. For all she knew she had rabies. Or scabies. Or whatever the hell diseases rats carried. She was vibrating with disgust as Brittany held her.

Their commotion was halted when the rat stopped moving to pause and begin gnawing at a trash bag, tearing a hole into it with it's gnarly teeth to get at the inside. And what was at the inside of this particular bag was a white wedding dress.

''God damn it,'' Quinn said to herself, because this was just there luck. Their garbage night would not be complete if they didn't have to do battle with a rat.

''The rat has our dress,'' Brittany remarked.

''Santana get the dress!''

''Fuck you Quinn, you get the dress!'' said Santana, who was still trembling like a little girl.

''Then Brittany you get the dress,'' Quinn urged.

''Like hell is Brittany getting the dress.'' Santana wasn't about to let Brittany go or get anywhere near the fat gross rat who was currently gnawing at the white gown. ''You're the reason we don't have a replacement dress so if you want this one you can just march your debutante ass over and go get it yourself Fabray.''

''You're the maid of honor Quinn,'' Brittany said, encouraging her one as if that fact alone trumped everything else. ''This is your duty.''

''Yeah, it's your duty so go do it.''

''Fuck you and fuck you, but fine.''

Quinn shot them a look as if to say _'your asses are paying for this later'_ and took a deep breath. She really thought she had hit her quota for grossness this evening after she had licked the sidewalk, but the universe was definitely having fun with her. She stepped down from her specific pile of trash bags and began to slowly approach the rat who was gnawing away. She circled around it, figuring it best to move in from the other side of it. She was about to leap forward and make a grab for the bag to yank it away from the vermin but stopped when she realized Brittany had stopped holding Santana with one arm in order to pull her phone out and started videoing it.

''What are you doing?'' Quinn asked.

''She's getting footage so we can upload this to Youtube later,'' Santana answered for her. ''WASP verses rat, the epic battle.''

''Stop getting enjoyment out of this,'' Quinn warned them both. ''This isn't funny, it's disgusting.''

''Fine if you don't want to go viral and turn into a meme...puh,'' Brittany hummed as she slide her phone back into her boobs.

Quinn blinked and without any more prompt or warning she made a quick grab for the bag but somehow misjudged the distance as well as her stability and slipped on a gross gunky garbagy clump that consisted of tissue, chinese food and mud. She fell on her side but decided to stay down and crawl towards the bag and rat, horrified but even more determined to do what needed to be done and retrieve the dress.

''Punch that rat in the fucking face Q,'' Santana said as she watched it all go down from the sidelines.

''Shut up I hate you!'' Quinn yelled back.

It was an intense game of tug-o-war that she played with the rat for several moments. It simply wouldn't let go of the dress with it's mouth and Quinn feared pulling on it any harder for fear that it would somehow create more damage. Spooked finally from all of the noise and motion the rat began to scamper away although not before taking a chunk of the dress with it as it fled down into a nearby alleyway.

In triumph Quinn fully collapsed face first into the mountain of garbage bags.

It took them a few minutes to regroup (and to get Quinn back into her heels) but when they did they entered the strip club with their heads held high. They were on their way to finding a real solution to the problem, all they needed was to find Elliot the stripper-slash-fashion design student and convince him to help put together the wedding dress which was now slightly even more damaged after they had encountered the sewer rat outside.

''Okay he's somewhere around here so I'm going to go find this Elliot and try to talk to him,'' Quinn started and looked to each of her friends. ''If my fake crying doesn't work I'm just gonna tell him money is no object. I'll come and find you two when I get him on board, I think it'll be easier if it's just me coming at him instead of all three of us, we might freak him out. Alright?''

Brittany nodded along with Santana. It made sense. And with that Quinn was off, hauling her wedding dress garbage bag behind her and leaving Santana and Brittany to stand back and fully take in the loud thumping music, glowing lights and scantily clad women dancing everywhere.

''This must be what it feels like to go to the Oscars,'' Brittany said with a look of total awe as she took in the scene.

X

Back at the hotel Sam was hesitating as he stood in front of a hotel door. He stopped his clenched fist mid-knock, unsure if he should actually continue and disturb Mercedes.

Hanging out with Finn and going to that horrible club had left a nasty taste in his mouth. That wasn't how he wanted to remember the night before his wedding and so when he had arrived back to the hotel he had wandered the halls until eventually his heart had tugged him into the direction of the room belonging to Mercedes.

He bit his lip and allowed his hand to make contact with the door. She answered a few moments later. She looked a little sleepy and _a lot amused_ , once she saw who was standing in front of her,

''What are you doing here?'' she asked, not even trying to fight the smile on her face.

''Nothing,'' he said with a dopey smile of his own. ''I was just sorta knocking around and...well...Do you think, like, I could come in?''

''Is something wrong?''

''What? No. Everything's _right_ actually...I think...I guess...I dunno...I just wanted to see you one more time. Before tomorrow. Before everything.''

Sensing that he had something on his mind Mercedes thought nothing of moving aside and allowing him entrance into her room. She flicked on a couple of dim lights and settled herself in the sitting area. He quickly went to sit at her side, turning his body to her fully. Without even thinking one of his hands found one of hers and curled into it.

''You look tired,'' she said.

''Not all of us are blessed to just roll out of bed looking like you Ms. Jones,'' he teased with a flirtatious wiggle of his brows. She rewarded him with a throw pillow to the face and he responded by throwing one back at her. They both had a bout of that silent shoulder shaking kind of laughter. ''No but I guess I've been thinking is all. Thinking always makes me tired. Plus Finn kind of dragged me to this _mega gross_ club.''

Mercedes wrinkled her nose. ''Ew.''

''Super ew,'' he laughed in agreement. ''I got out of there the first chance I got though.''

''You know I love you, but I will never understand why you chose that guy as your best man.''

''Can I be honest with you?''

''When are we ever not honest with each other?''

''Tonight I've been asking myself the same thing. Why is _he_ my best man?'' Sam questioned himself. ''I've known him since we were kids and when I told him I was getting married... he gave himself the job and even though I have better friends, closer friends, I just didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise. It's like having history with people makes you feel an obligation to have them be a part of it. But tonight hanging out with him, really getting to spend time with him again, hearing the way he talks...I kind of just felt like I've grown out of him. Being an idiot it's okay when you're 15...not so much when you're almost 30. And now, he's going to forever be a part of this memory you and me make tomorrow. It's supposed to be the best day of our lives and he's going to be in all of the pictures and the videos instead of someone who I'm actually close to. And for what?''

Mercedes took a breath and considered his words. ''You put him before your own happiness...and believe me...I get it. I mean you will not believe what I had to deal with, with the B-faces earlier tonight.''

''Why, what happened?'' he sat up in concern.

''Nothing really,'' she said with a chuckle. ''They were just being complete and total messes. And don't get me wrong I still love those girls but we're just in really different places now with our lives. Like you said, history makes you feel like you have an obligation to people. Having them here I thought it would feel just like the good old days in high school but if anything it just makes the good old days seem so far away.''

''He's kind of an ass now but Finn and I had some good old days. The thing is as fun as I remember them being I really don't care about reliving the good old days. I'm just excited about going forward, ya know? I want some brand new days. With you.''

''I want some new days too.''

''You know I can't wait to be your husband but I can't wait until we're done with this wedding,'' he laughed wearily but with affection.

''Oh my god yes,'' she shouted, so relieved he said it loud. She exhaled with exaggeration. ''What's really funny about all of this wedding/marriage stuff is it's supposed to be about us. Me and you, the bride and groom, right? But we've both been running around trying to please everyone else.''

He nodded. ''Making your mom happy.''

''Making your father happy.''

''Because your mom wouldn't stop until we hired the band she liked.''

''And your father wouldn't be quiet until we agreed on having the wedding cake he wanted.''

''Right! It's like we've been going out making sure everyone's parents and siblings and cousins and friends all feel _happy and included_ when this day...tomorrow…'' he squeezed her hand gently and pressed his thumb on the finger he would be slipping a ring onto tomorrow. ''It's ours. The day is ours.''

''I'm pretty sure planning this wedding is gonna give me premature grey hair.'' She smiled wickedly before gently teasing, ''and just think this is only _my first wedding_.''

''First wedding?'' Sam asked, the humor in her voice going completely over his head.

''Wuh yeah, first wedding,'' she said as if it were obvious. She was tickled with his confusion and decided to keep her joke going a little while longer. ''I was kind of planning to live this fabulous Liz Taylor-esque life. You know, marry a half dozen times or so, spread them all out over a couple of decades. Maybe even have my own perfume line like her too.''

''Whhhaaa?''

''But don't worry, I totally planned to _remarry_ you in the end.''

Sam blinked rapidly, looking like a sad little puppy. She rolled her eyes at his sudden boyish sadness and reached for his face to cup it with both of her hands. She then pulled him forward to lay a firm and reassuring kiss onto his lips.

When she pulled back his smile had reappeared on his face.

''You know if you want to we could walk away from all this,'' he said, his eyes shining bright with possibility. ''I mean I don't care about the money I'd lose, if you wanted to pull the plug on this wedding and just fly off somewhere, me and you, to do this on our own we could. Say the word and I'll make it all happen.''

''As tempting as that sounds and believe me after the night I had, you don't know how tempting, but I want the day. I want our parents there and all of our friends…''

''Even the ones we sometimes want to throttle?''

''Even the ones we sometimes want to throttle yes,'' she confirmed. ''And FYI, you have full permission from me to throttle Finn whenever, I am not against hurting that fuckboy.''

''Mercedes Jones!'' Sam cackled loudly, raising his voice. ''Did you just curse?''

''So what if I did?''

''You don't do that often...it's kinda hot when you get all badass talking like that.''

He went in for another kiss. A kiss that didn't stop until they were both dizzy and breathless.

''I should probably go back to my room,'' he said, chest heaving just slightly in excitement.

''You don't have to if you don't want to.''

''I don't know,'' he said, pulling a funny face. ''I'm not sure if I trust you with my virtue, Mercedes.''

''Shut up.''

''Seriously I can't just let you ravage me before our wedding day!'' he joked.

''Sam.''

''What? Fine, okay! Defile me _if you must_ ,'' he sighed and blinked rapidly, as if he had no interest and _she_ was really the one twisting his arm into staying the night. ''Just promise me you'll be gentle. Owwww my nipple! Stop pinching me!''

He was laughing as she pulled him down into another embrace.

X

Back at the strip club Santana and Brittany had wandered around the place until they came across Mike, Artie and Finn who were sitting in a corner and occupying a table.

''Well, well, well, so glad you ladies could join us,'' Finn said when he noticed them walking towards their seats.

''Don't soil your panties in excitement,'' Santana said dryly. ''We're only staying for a minute and then we're out of here.'' She slipped into a chair next to Artie and Brittany found one next to make. The two of them ended up seated on opposite sides of the table so that they were looking directly at each other.

''What have you guys been up to?'' Brittany looked around the small group.

Mike and Artie just lifted their drinks, signalling that they hadn't done much but nurse their beverages and act as bystanders while Finn douched it up.

''Not a lot.'' Finn looked disappointed as he spoke. ''Sam up and left us which means it's just us single folk and frankly I am shocked and appalled that these two wet blankets here refuse to let loose. What about you girls? What did you get up to during your bachelorette party tonight?''

''It was a pretty tame lowkey thing,'' Santana lied. ''Right Britt?''

''Yep, totally lowkey. We just ate ice cream and like, uh, sat around in a sewing circle and made doilies.''

''Cause we're wild like that,'' Santana punctuated their fib with an obviously fake smirk.

''Are you sure?'' Artie asked, curiously but cautiously. ''Cause I heard something about someone getting slapped at the bachelorette party?''

Brittany shifted in her seat in embarrassment. She was saved from having to make up any lame response because just then a dancer in a barely there outfit approached. She was clearly there looking to see if anyone wanted a dance. Mike and Artie were clear 'no thank yous' and Finn was too busy guzzling his drink to speak so that's when she turned her attention to Santana. She perched her ass on the arm of Santana's chair and leaned down to whisper in her ear. The dancer had a job to do and she was laying it on thick.

Brittany couldn't hear what the woman was saying but seeing the way Santana smiled at the woman's (probably lascivious) words made her want to collapse into a puddle of her own tears. It wasn't like she hadn't seen Santana get her flirt on with other women before, she had, but tonight everything felt different.

''Maybe later,'' Santana chuckled and sent the woman off, although she did turn her head briefly to watch the stripper walk away.

When she turned back Brittany was staring at her. And it, Santana concluded, did not look happy.

''What?''

''Nothing,'' Brittany said in a tight clipped tone.

''Are you upset?'' Santana asked gently, leaning forward to whisper-shout so as to be heard over the music.

''Who said I'm upset?''

''You look upset.''

''Well, I'm not.''

''I was just telling her something to get rid of her.''

''You don't have to explain anything, you know. You've always been free to have your fun.'' Brittany swallowed her emotions and made a small wave over to the stripper who had just made a play for Santana. ''Why don't you go do what you always do?''

''What is it that I always do?''

Brittany didn't answer her question, she just turned to Artie and with a false, forced smile asked, ''Can I have some money?''

Artie squinted for a second until he realized what she was asking. He lifted his shoulder, giving her a non-verbal _'why not'_ and handed her some singles he happened to have in his wallet. Brittany thanked him, stood up from the table and began to make her way to a slightly elevated catwalk where a woman was doing a very intricate, elaborate dance against a pole while in her underwear/costume.

She joined a handful of people surrounding the woman and began to enjoy the show herself. In no time she had the attention of the stripper who made her way to Brittany's side of the stage.

''Is she…?'' Mike began.

''Yeah she is!'' Finn hooted as they watched Brittany stuff a bill into the dancer's thong.

From her own seat Santana watched uncomfortably.

Whatever point Brittany was trying to make, she didn't like it. Not when that point included some rando half naked chick shaking her ass in front of Brittany's face.

''Dude are you crying?'' Artie looked to Santana with concern.

X

 **The next chapter will be all strip club probably, because our characters aren't done there...Quinn still has to find Elliot and Santana and Brittany get some relationship/communication advice from exotic dancers.**

 **Also. I've never been married but I was maid of honor at my sister's wedding and a lot of what I have Mercedes and Sam talk about are actually things that I heard my sister and her husband discuss. It was incredibly stressful because even though it was their big day they felt so much pressure and obligation to make everyone else happy. In the Bachelorette movie the bride and groom don't have very many scenes and play minor roles but in my fic I gave them a little bit more to do/say.**

 **Also. Not really an author's note, but re: the Stevie Nicks/Pretenders concert in Dallas I mentioned I was going to a chapter or so back. Seriously it was a religious experience. Didn't cry during Stevie but there were some tears during _I'll Stand By You_ during The Pretenders set. I knew and loved the song before Glee but I always thought it was a little dumb how they had Finn sing that to the sonogram, yet hearing that song live in a giant arena just makes it so much powerful. So powerful that it totally evoked something in me. I don't have any kids and I don't ever plan to. And like, I've had relationships but the truest most pure love I've ever known is the love I have for my two year old nephew who I spend a lot of time with. Him coming into my life has opened up a part of my heart I never knew existed. I made myself a promise once that I'm going to do everything to make sure he has the childhood I never did. Hearing that song live was powerful and all I could think about was my favorite kid in the whole wide world and how there's nothing that he could ever do or be that would make me not love him, and yeah, I cried. And after that, suddenly Finn singing that song to a sonogram didn't seem so silly or dopey anymore.**

 **And now I kinda feel bad for making Finn a jackass in the fic but _cha well_ , haha.**


	9. Chapter 9

''No I'm not fucking crying, you're fucking crying. I'm Santana Lopez okay? I don't fucking cry…''

So.

Santana was fucking crying.

Or was at least on the brink of doing so as she sat at their table, blinking back the tears that were rapidly forming.

Ever since she watched Brittany storm off with a fistful of bills and garner the attention of a pole dancer on the other side of the room Santana's eyes had been glued to the scene. Santana watched from afar as Brittany's hands dipped dangerously close to intimate areas on the dancer as she pushed bills into her barely there panties, her finger sometimes getting trapped between the dancer's skin and the tiny piece of elastic. There was ass shaking and hair tossing and maybe a little boob in face action-

 _They weren't even that great boobs_ , Santana thought. _She had way better boobs than those stranger boobs! Her boobs were like the hope Diamond of boobs, perfect and rare in every way!_

But Brittany seemed really intrigued and entertained by those stranger boobs and even though she knew it didn't mean anything, even though she knew this was Brittany blowing off some steam after Santana herself had point blank said she didn't want her, Santana's tiny pink frosting sprinkle covered cupcake heart couldn't take it.

It didn't help when Finn shot out of his seat and made his way over to go join Brittany and encourage her on, handing her more cash for her to entertain the stripper as he himself found a dancer that interested him. In no time the two of them were plopped into a couple of chairs as they were both on the receiving end of lap dances.

Usually when Santana was this angry or frustrated her knee jerk reaction would be to rage, but this was Brittany. And when it came to Brittany rage was never the solution. She just never went there when it came to Brittany.

Instead she felt sadness invade her heart. Maybe this was her fault, maybe she had no right to feel this way over it, but it didn't stop that tiny pang of pain inside of her from forming and spreading out to her entire body.

''Santana, why don't I buy you a drink huh?'' Mike offered, as if sensing some underlying discomfort.

''Thanks but I've had enough to drink tonight,'' she answered, her eyes still glued to the scene taking place on the other side of the room. ''You two have fun though. I think I'm just gonna take a walk.''

Artie and Mike looked like they wanted to say something, but frankly, they didn't know Santana that well and more to the point they didn't know what was going on between her and Brittany. They held their tongues and nodded at her.

She stood up and made her way further into the club looking for Quinn at the bar in the hopes that her friend had found Elliot but there was no sign of either of them so she took a moment to gather herself. She put her face in her hands and took several shaky breaths.

All she wanted to do was get out of there and get the dress fixed so Mercedes could have the day she deserved. But after tonight she never wanted to hear the word _wedding_ again. She knew coming was a bad idea. Coming _with Brittany_ was an even worse idea. She wasn't sure if she could survive it.

''Hey there…''

Santana turned to find the dancer who had offered to spend a little time with her earlier was now standing at her side leaning against the bar. She was dark haired and gorgeous and smiling at her.

''Hey,'' Santana replied back.

''You okay?'' the dancer asked.

''Yeah. I'm just having a sucky night is all.''

''Oh I know those. Especially working here.''

''I imagine you must get a lot of crazy and creepy up in here.''

''Occasionally yeah. Tonight's a good night though. Usually the people that come here are gross or old or both, but tonight's a decent crowd. No one too rowdy-''

''And no one too fugly?'' Santana laughed, happy to be distracted from her sadness.

''No one too fugly,'' the dancer agreed. ''The guys that roll up in here most of the time all kind of look like him…'' she pointed off in the direction of Finn who was red faced and laughing with Brittany as strippers grinded up on them.

''Yeah he's got that face like he's always taking a dump. I don't know what that's about.''

''We don't get a lot of people who look like you though. You're really...you're just like…''

''Hot?'' Santana asked.

''Yeah. Seeing someone like you in a place like this, it was something different. I'm sorry if I came on a little too strong earlier when I was at your table.''

Santana shook her head. ''No, I mean you were doing your job. I get it. You're probably putting yourself through school and hey, gotta pay the bills. Ain't nothing wrong with that.''

''Hot _and sweet_.''

''I am anything but sweet, trust me.''

''Well you're sweeter than most. You're standing here talking to me like a person instead of a thing. That's a rarity.''

''I guess it would be in here.''

The dancer looked hesitant for a moment as she bit her lip. ''...you know if you wanted to we could go somewhere private and keep talking?''

Santana knew what they meant, she knew what that was code for in a place like this. This was still a strip club and this stripper was still working her…

She looked over to Brittany one more time. She was still caught up in her own lap dance, in her own laughter, in her own desperate need for distraction.

''Yeah...yeah, let's go somewhere private.''

X

''You're very...uh...limber…''

There in the middle of the club Brittany was still on the receiving end of a lap dance from one of the dancers. She had been enjoying the show at a distance, and yeah it had been fun to push a couple of bills into the chick's panties, but the minute things got rubby and grindy between them she really started to question herself.

Santana had basically flat out rejected her earlier and denied what was so clearly there between them and okay, maybe Santana hadn't encouraged the stripper who asked if she wanted a dance but it still stung to have to sit there and watch Santana give the woman that flirty but aloof grin and a _''maybe later''._

It was this stupid wedding, Brittany thought. It had opened the door to something that they had shut a long time ago and now that it was open, everything was flying out. All of their baggage, all of their past. They had learned to close and shut all of that away, they had to in order to remain friends, but in not dealing with it for so long it had been festering. It took a wedding to bring everything to the surface again.

Because of course. _It had to be a wedding._ It was the only thing that would force them to confront what they had left behind.

''Listen can we, uh, maybe stop?'' Brittany asked the woman who currently was rubbing her ass against her lap.

The dancer stopped and turned to face her. Despite her lack of clothes her face and demeanor was weirdly wholesome. ''Did I do something wrong?''

''What? No,'' Brittany insisted hurriedly. ''You were great. That was fun.''

''If you're not into butt stuff I have this pretty elaborate routine I do with my boobs if you want-''

Brittany held up a hand and tried not to laugh. ''No, no. I'm good. It's not you. It's me. I would totally be into this more but I can't be.''

''Oh?''

''...I think I'm in love with someone.''

''Aww,'' the stripper gushed.

X

Santana found herself being led into the back of the club to one of their private rooms. The stripper had been the one to take her hand and guide her there and even though Santana's head and heart weren't entirely in it, she didn't put up a fight either. Not after seeing Brittany getting a lapful of stripper ass.

The room itself was dimly lit and there was a long leather couch that she came to relax on. Once she was situated and the door was shut behind them the stripper began moving her body to the music pumping inside of the room. It was significantly more quiet, but it was still there.

Santana sat back and tried to enjoy the show, because honestly, it was a really good show. The girl knew what she was doing and her body was totally tight in all the right places. It should have been doing the trick for her, she should have been loving this, watching the curves and the dips of the dancer. But it just felt so empty.

Why wasn't she loving this, Santana wondered with a shake of her head.

''You know we're not supposed to do this, I never let this happen but…'' the dancer moved to straddle Santana before reaching down and taking Santana's hands in her own and placing them inches above the swell of her breasts where were encased in a rather enticing push up. ''I really like you. You're cute. This is still _just_ a lap dance but if you want you can touch me.''

''I…'' Santana's went blank at that.

''Here.''

The dancer pulled Santana's hands down the last inch so that they were making contact. Skin to skin. Her hands had barely grazed the skin when Santana yanked them away as if she had been burned.

''What's wrong?'' the girl asked.

''Nothing, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just, can you get off my lap...please?''

The stripper didn't need to be told twice, she simply removed herself from Santana and went to sit at her side. ''Was that not okay? I didn't mean to make it weird, usually people are begging to touch-''

''No, it's not your fault. I'm sorry, I thought I could go through with this but I can't.'' Santana went to rub at her face in a desperate attempt to hold it together. ''I can't. I just, I can't.''

''That's okay.''

''No, it's not okay,'' Santana said, mostly to herself. ''Because this isn't me. I don't think twice when it comes to stuff like this. I should be fucking loving this. I mean no offense and with all do respect if my head was in this I'd have _you_ begging for _me_. But all I can think about is how your hands are all wrong, and your boobs are all wrong-''

''Excuse me.''

''I mean your boobs are fantastic. They're lovely boobs,'' Santana quickly amended. ''They're just...you're not...they're not…''

The dancer nodded as a sudden thought came to her.''...Oh. You're in a relationship?''

''No. I'm single. I don't do relationships. I haven't for a long time. It's just that-''

''There's a girl?''

Santana didn't have the energy to lie or hide anything. And what was the point? It's not like this stripper really knew her, so what was the harm in finally letting it all out.

''Yeah, there's a girl.''

''But she's not your girl?'' the dancer raised a curious eyebrow.

''She used to be. A long time ago. We were together.''

''Was it good?''

''No...it wasn't good. It was better than that. It was something else I don't think there's even a word for.'' Santana felt herself relaxing as the words poured out of her with ease.

''Must have been special.''

''We were. She was. We were like crazy about each other in high school. We did it all, together. Everyone else we knew, there was always so much drama, so much unnecessary back and forth. We watched all of these other couples play these emotional tug-o-war games with each other, but she and I...it wasn't who we were. When we were together there wasn't any of that. She understood my crazy and I understood hers and you would think crazy on top of crazy would amount to more crazy, but it didn't. We didn't. She soothed me and I soothed her and together we made this perfect calm.''

''You must have really loved her,'' the dancer remarked dreamily.

''Honestly?''

''Honestly.''

''I think she's the only thing in this world I was ever meant to love.''

The woman smiled at this openly sappy sentiment, touched at Santana's outpouring.

''Its why I wasn't afraid when we moved to L.A. together,'' Santana reminisced fondly, staring off at a bare wall as the memories flooded her. ''We were eighteen and we had no clue who we were or what we were doing, but I was so sure of us. We lived in this shitty little apartment but it was home because every evening I was going home to her. We didn't have a couch at first so we pretty much lived in bed. Ramen noodles for breakfast was like the norm back then. Even with all of that, even with crappy jobs and no furniture I believed in us. I believed in us so hard...and so much.''

''So then what happened? If you loved her and she loved you...why aren't you together now?''

X

Back out on the main floor of the strip club Brittany was relaying her own little tale to her own stripper who had perched herself on the side of the stage to listen.

''So if you're in love with someone what brings you here,'' the dancer prompted her curiously as she absentmindedly pulled dollar bills out of her stripper bra and began to sort them.

''It's a long story. It doesn't really have an ending though,'' Brittany admitted with a weary little sigh.

''Why doesn't it have an ending?''

''Because she doesn't want me anymore. Or that's what she says anyway. But when I'm with her, that isn't what it feels like.''

''Hey,'' the friendly stripper interjected, ''anyone who wouldn't want you is clearly out of their mind. You're like a walking wet dream.''

''I know,'' Brittany chuckled.''That's what's so frustrating. I could totally have anyone. When I'm with other people though it just feels like I'm killing time.''

''But when you're with her?''

''When I'm with her...explosions.''

The woman grinned in intrigue. ''The sex was that good huh?''

''No….no, the sex was never good. It was more than good. There aren't words to describe what it feels like with Santana.''

''That's her name?''

Brittany nodded. ''The sex was always hot...and passionate...and intense...and hot-''

''You already said hot.''

''Well it was doubly hot. But as wild and as crazy as it could get, it was never empty. She could do fast and frenzied when we were in the mood for it, but the thing of it is she could also do slow and careful and soft. Tender. She's the most tender person I've ever known. She always made sure I was seen and heard and loved. She'd wake up early on the weekends to run out and get me these disgusting but delicious scones I love...she still does that sometimes.''

''But like if the sex was mindblowing and she was a total sweetheart when you were together, like, what happened?''

Somehow it was easier to say this out loud to a stranger than someone she actually knew. ''I broke her heart. I broke her perfect little cupcake heart…''

X

Meanwhile, Quinn was off on the other side of the club. She had found Elliot and relayed a brief synopsis of what had occurred earlier in the evening and how the dress had been torn, bled on and dragged through actual garbage. As he went about his work behind the bar serving drinks he expressed his concern but he said he simply couldn't afford to walk off. There was a reason he moonlighted as a stripper, school was expensive and he couldn't walk away from the tips. Also he said, she was kind of a bitch to him earlier.

''Right, look,'' Quinn started with a frustrated sigh as she leaned against the bar. ''I was a bitch to you earlier yes, but in my defense you said a really shitty thing in the middle of my friend's bachelorette party.''

''I'm really sorry about that.'' He shook his head at himself and his less than smooth foray into being an exotic male dancer. ''I've just started this whole stripper thing in my spare time and I haven't really learned how to, like, do sexy talk. Especially to women.''

''You screwed up and hey, I screwed up tonight too alright. So why don't we both make the effort to maybe fix some of the damage we've done. The bride is my friend but I get that you're not as personally invested in this, so how about this you take me and my friends to your place, you get your sewing gear out, you help us fix this dress and I'll pay you five thousand dollars.''

''For one night's work?''

''If you can make this dress presentable again, yes. All you have to do is fix the tear, we can get it cleaned after.''

''Whose blood is that again?'' Elliot asked, nodding down at the small portion of the dress Quinn had pulled out for him to inspect.

''Brittany's.''

''Where is she and that other one you were with?''

''Santana.''

''Yeah, that one.''

''I don't know, they're probably off somewhere crying over each other, but look you'd be doing us all a huge favor by helping. So what do you say?''

X

In the backroom Santana sat in silence with the stripper.

She had just told the complete stranger how it had all ended. She just spewed it all out in a sad pathetic hopeless little spiel, and the woman looked at her with sympathy in her eyes.

''You must think I'm a fucking idiot,'' Santana said. ''To do what I did.''

''No,'' the dancer insisted firmly and reached over to squeeze Santana's hand in a small show of support. ''I don't. I think to do what you did...it definitely makes you a romantic. I think it makes you passionate. Any girl would be lucky to have someone like you put yourself out there like that.''

''It didn't really matter though, at least not to the one girl I was willing to go all in with.''

''Maybe it did though. Maybe it was just a timing thing.''

''Or maybe she just didn't believe in us the way I believed in us.''

X

Brittany had just relayed her own side of the story to her own friendly neighborhood stripper who gave her a shocked but thoughtful look.

''It's horrible, what I did to her,'' Brittany sighed.

''Not horrible, it makes you human. You were what-''

''Eighteen.''

''You were eighteen and didn't know how to react.''

''I loved her and even when we were young I always felt like it was going to be us in the end but when it's all right there in front you it's-''

''Scary.''

''Yeah, scary,'' Brittany sniffled. ''It didn't mean that I didn't love her, I did...I do. I've always.''

''Then do something about it?''

''Like what?''

The dancer shrugged, unsure but trying in her own way to encourage. ''I don't know, but if this were a movie this would be the part where one of you puts yourself out there and makes some grand gesture. The question is...who's it gonna be? You or her? After what happened it's kind of understandable how she'd be scared to put herself out there again even if she does feel the same way.''

''So you think I should go for it? Do the big romantic gesture thing?''

''Totally, you, like, owe it to our romcom icons like Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock and Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts-''

''You already said Julia Roberts.''

''Yeah well she's been a shit ton of romcoms,'' the dancer laughed. ''Look it might not end the way you want it, but if you're still all about her, why not give it one last try. Make the gesture. I don't know, in an airplane entry way, on a holiday float in song form, in the middle of a rain storm on a city street. Pick your favorite romcom and go with that.''

''My favorite romcom is Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion.''

''That's a romcom?''

''Didn't Romy and Michelle end up together,'' Brittany wondered. She was pretty sure those two characters ended up together.

''Whatever my point is, if you love the girl...get the girl. Don't wait for her to make the first move.''

X

''This has been...different.''

Santana and her dancer exited the back room and filtered back into the main floor where the music and lights and loud chatter continued.

''Here,'' Santana said, holding up her hand with a hundred dollar bill in it.

''What? No, don't worry about it.'' The stripper waved her hand about, rejecting her offer of cash. ''Besides I barely gave you a lap dance. Consider it a freebie.''

''But I took some of your time away when you could've been working,'' Santana insisted. ''You told me you're doing this to get through school, you need it so take it. Anyways letting me unload my crap on you was way more helpful than any lap dance could have been. You earned it.''

Santana held the cash out and the dancer hesitantly took it. ''Thanks,'' the woman said, dipping her head in gratitude.

''Ain't my money anyway,'' Santana said, raising a shoulder in nonchalance. ''Thanks for...listening. I better go find my friends though.''

She started off through the club but halted when the dancer addressed her one last time.

''For what it's worth I hope it works out somehow between you and your girl,'' the dancer said. ''But if it _doesn't_ you should come hang out with me again. I owe you a real lap dance.''

Santana gave her a single nod and a smile but continued to walk on through the club. In a matter of minutes she was being yanked aside into a corner by Quinn.

''What the hell?'' Santana asked, yanking her arm away from her friend who had a grip on it.

''I found Elliot and he's in,'' Quinn said. ''He went to go sell his manager some bullshit story about a family emergency but we're out of here. Where's Brittany?''

Santana swallowed the bitter taste in her mouth. ''I don't know, probably getting a faceful of tits from a stripper somewhere. It's what she was doing the last time I saw her.''

''You lost her in here? Damn it Santana.''

''What? I'm not her fucking keeper. She's a grown ass woman.''

Nothing the edge in her friend's voice Quinn exhaled in frustration. ''Okay what is going on with you? I've seen you two go off to have these little chats without me all night and-what?''

''It's nothing.''

''It's _something_ ,'' Quinn pushed.

''Maybe it is, but maybe this something is none of your damn business.''

''Look we are this close to getting the dress fixed and I don't need you or her pulling some 7th grade bullshit tantrum right now.''

''Fuck you Quinn,'' Santana said quietly. No rage, no anger, just sadness.

''I'm just saying I have been handling shit all night cleaning up after you two.''

''You don't know what's been going on in my head tonight.''

''You're right, Santana, I don't. I can only assume. Because you never tell me anything, because you're never honest about what you're feeling to anyone.''

That sparked something fierce and fiery in Santana. ''You want me to handle shit? Fine. This is how I'm gonna handle shit.'' She pulled her cell phone out and began a call.

''Who are you dialing?''

''Mercedes,'' Santana answered. ''I'm telling her about the dress and whatever happens, happens. You want me to be honest, then I want you to be honest. Let's all just be real fucking honest.''

''Don't,'' Quinn warned and tried to snatch the phone away. Santana just swatted her hand away and it quickly escalated into some screechy little slappy fight that went on for awhile. Quinn was eventually successful in flicking Santana's phone to the ground where it shattered.

''What are you guys doing?'' Brittany came onto the scene ready to referee.

''Nothing,'' Santana said, not wanting to involve Brittany in her squabble with Quinn.

Quinn on the other hand had no problem involving Brittany as she looked Santana in the eyes and scoffed. ''God, I don't even know why Brittany has put up with you for so long. You're just so emotionally crippled. It's why you're not together right? _You could never commit or love anyone more than yourself._ ''

'' _Quinn, shut up_ ,'' Brittany demanded harshly, taking a tone she had never quite used with the other blonde. ''Just shut up!''

Brittany turned to Santana only to find her storming out of the club. She instantly forgot about calming Quinn and started to speed walk after her.

''Where are you two going?'' Quinn asked their retreating backs.

X

''She's wrong.''

Moments later Brittany found Santana standing on the pavement outside of the club smoking a cigarette with a shaky hand and watery eyes.

''What?'' Santana asked.

''Quinn. She's wrong. You're not emotionally crippled. I mean, I would know more than anyone and she's wrong.''

''I know...I wish she wasn't though.''

Brittany went to her side. ''What do you mean?''

''I wish I was emotionally crippled,'' Santana laughed mirthlessly and flicked ash from her smoke. ''I wish I was the heartless piece of shit that everyone thinks I am.''

''Why?''

''Cause if I was, I wouldn't have to feel anything.''

''Not even for me?''

''Especially not for you.''

''When are you going to forgive me, Santana?''

''Britt...I never have to forgive you because there was nothing that I ever needed to forgive.'' Santana looked to her, throwing away her cigarette and finally making eye contact.

''Then why did we break up? Why did you just call it quits when everything had been so perfect?'' Brittany asked, desperate for answers. ''We were so happy, we were so, so, so in love. Why couldn't we be together after-''

'' _Because I asked you to marry me, that's why!''_ Santana rushed to speak. Her heart clenched inside of her chest at the cold truth. ''I asked you to marry me and you didn't say yes...and you didn't say no...you didn't say anything, Brittany.''

X

 **A/N: so from here on out, I'm veering _away_ from the movie. In the movie our three bridesmaids split up when they leave the strip club and get paired up with male love interests which is where I felt the story went really wrong and got really boring. I would have rather watched an entire movie focusing on all of the dysfunctional female friendships than have to watch forced love interests enter the picture. Obviously I tweaked things, because the only romantic relationship I'm interested in writing is Brittana so…**


	10. Chapter 10

**Going back to read some reviews of this fic gave me a smile, so thank you for those. The lovely ones warm my heart.**

X

Santana had always known.

When it came to Brittany there was never any doubt.

When she was younger she never believed in 'the one'. It had just seemed like nonsense to her, the idea that people were meant for each other. That everyone's lives were already written out in the stars, that love didn't come from within but from some other place, some grand cosmic place. Fate or kismet or the universe or whatever people called it, growing up she always thought it was bullshit.

She still thought it was bullshit.

But she had believed it once briefly, but only for her and only for Brittany.

When they were together everything in Santana's bones told her she was meant for Brittany and Brittany was meant for her. Perfect opposites who were somehow perfectly in sync.

In high school she never understood why so many supposed 'badass' people would walk away from or cheat or hurt their girlfriends or boyfriends just because they could, just because they felt like they could get away with it, because in their minds being a badass apparently meant acting like a bitch ass punk. She didn't get that, because if you were a real badass then you would never run from anything. At least that's what she thought.

Most adults and teachers in her life had always regarded her as difficult, as complicated, as trouble, as obnoxious, and she may have been some of those things some of the time but one thing she had never been was afraid of love. Badasses weren't afraid of anything and as far as she was concerned she, Santana Lopez, was the most badass of them all.

And so when she first laid eyes on Brittany on their first day of school Freshman year there was no going back. It was then she knew she was going to be a badass at love. Unlike others she wasn't going to waste it or run away from it. What was the fun in that? Where was the bravery in that?

When she saw Brittany smile for the first time she felt something warm inside of her heart bloom. Brittany was funny and adorable and crazy and brilliant. She had adventure in her eyes and all Santana knew is that she wanted to be a part of whatever adventure that was.

Sensing a uniqueness about Brittany and what she could bring to their group Quinn and Mercedes had quickly decided to induct the new girl into the B-faces. Brittany had taken to them just as easily, leaping with joy at the idea of sleepovers at Quinn's and shopping trips with Mercedes but she had a very natural gravitation to Santana when the four of them hung out. There had been plenty of nights when Mercedes and Quinn would nod off or wander away until it was just her and Brittany on a bedroom floor, laughing and talking in hushed tones as if they were speaking their very own special language that no one else could understand.

Later when Santana was the first of them to get her own car and was thusly promoted to be everyone's defacto ride she always made sure to drop Quinn and Mercedes off first so that she and Brittany could have that little extra bit of time. Even if all it meant was singing a Kesha or a Gaga song together before they arrived in front of the Pierce home a few minutes later. She savored every private moment, no matter how short or how trivial.

Santana took her time because when she did her make her move she wanted Brittany to know that she meant every emotion behind her words. She didn't want a fling, she didn't want to just fool around, what she wanted from that very first moment was to be all in.

Of course what she hadn't counted on was Brittany deciding that instead of waiting on Santana, she was going to make the first move herself. One day when they were sitting in Santana's bedroom she had just point blank asked her ''so are we ever gonna make out or what?''.

Santana hadn't expected that but it made sense, because as innocent as Brittany could be sometimes she wasn't this shy, dainty fragile thing. No, Brittany kept her on her toes. She challenged her at every turn. Of course she wasn't just going to wait for Santana, she was going to make her own move.

Her plan was to be a badass at love but it seemed Brittany was an even bigger badass at it.

And that evening when Mercedes and Quinn walked into Santana's bedroom ready for a B-faces girls night in and found Brittany straddling and kissing a perfectly willing and perfectly happy Santana on the mattress, no one batted an eye, no one scratched their head. There was a second of _'oh, okay, this makes sense_ ' and that was it. Mercedes just shoved them over so she could sit on the bed and steal a pillow and Quinn just snorted something about Santana being on the bottom before she began debating on what movie they should all watch.

From that day forward she and Brittany became a _them._ And they did it all, school dances and meeting each other's parents and ridiculous little squabbles over nothing of importance that never lasted for more than a couple of hours. They made sense in the most nonsensical way. Santana was all growly and hard edges and Brittany was all bubblegum and unicorns and together they created this perfect balance with each other. They fit. They were teenagers but what they had was anything but high school, atleast that's how Santana felt.

With Quinn and Mercedes along for the ride they survived high school. And as tough as it was for the B-faces to part ways as they all began to embark on their own journeys Santana felt a peace with it. She knew whatever Mercedes and Quinn did, they would kick the world in the nads and own it. And she was sure she and Brittany were on the right track too when they decided to make their break after graduation.

They went to L.A. and got a shitty apartment along some shitty jobs and began the process of figuring out who they were and who they wanted to be. But in all of that talking and all of that figuring out there was one thing Santana had never questioned. When it came to Brittany she was always all in. Still. And forever.

They were navigating the world together for the first time as young adults on their own and yeah it was scary, but it was the wonderful kind, the kind that made her believe that with Brittany _anything_ was possible. Because Brittany made _everything_ possible.

And so she bought a ring.

Only a few days after they settled in, she bought a ring.

Unlike when she first met Brittany she didn't want to wait. She had tried to, that had been the plan at first, to wait a few months, to find the perfect moment, to plan, but in the end she only lasted a couple of weeks.

She had come home one evening and found Brittany had ordered chinese take out and had arranged a very romantic looking picnic for them on the floor, which was pretty easy to do because they hadn't any furniture. They ate by candlelight and read each other's fortunes and laughed as they later tumbled their way to the king sized mattress. There was no frame, no boxspring, just the bed on the floor. In dim light their bodies moved in slow degrees against each other until they were both breathless, slick and dizzy from release. Afterwards when they were curled into each other under the sheets Brittany let one of her hands wander over to Santana's face where she pressed the pad of her thumb against her full lips and gently stroked them for several minutes. Marvelling at them, so very quietly captivated. And it was in that moment as Brittany got lost in her that Santana found herself so lost in Brittany.

She realized she didn't need to wait for a perfect moment, because every moment with Brittany was already going to be perfect. They were perfect. Perfect opposites who were somehow perfectly in sync.

She pulled away and stark naked Santana had padded to retrieve something from the far side of the room. She returned to slip back under the sheets where a curious Brittany was sitting up and waiting. It felt like all the air was sucked out of the room when she held out the tiny black box and popped the lid open.

Brittany didn't say anything, she tried to but she stumbled over her words at each start. Nothing came out right. Her eyes blinked rapidly, alarmed.

When it was clear after several moments she had no answer Santana shattered.

And that was that.

'' _Because I asked you to marry me, that's why!''_ Santana rushed to speak. Her heart clenched inside of her chest at the cold truth. ''I asked you to marry me and you didn't say yes...and you didn't say no...you didn't say anything, Brittany.''

And there it was.

The thing they had been dancing around and avoiding for so long, for years. The thing that had always been there at the tip of their tongues but never uttered, at least never fully and never ever sober.

One of them had finally said it out loud.

Santana's outburst however was promptly followed by a suffocating kind of silence between them as they looked into each other's eyes there on the sidewalk outside of the club which was now somehow conveniently deserted except for the two of them.

When it became to much to look into those perfect blue eyes Santana took a breath and started swiftly walking down the sidewalk.

''What are you doing?'' Brittany asked.

''I'm not entirely sure, but I'm not having this conversation here.'' Santana looked up and down the street and raised her hand for a cab but the few that passed didn't stop. And neither did Brittany who was never more than a few steps behind her.

''Why?''

''Because. You can't just push me to talk about my feelings like this. It's not fair.''

''And avoiding your feelings as well as mine somehow is?''

Santana didn't want to hear it though and after giving up on her search for a taxi she continued on down the street and made her way for the subway to get back to the hotel on the other side of town. Even though she tried to make it clear she really didn't want Brittany tagging along with her, the blonde wasn't going to allow either of them to walk away from a very long overdue conversation. That was how they eventually ended up on a subway train. They were the only two people in the compartment in the dead of night.

They stood and watched each other as the train gently jerked their bodies around.

''I didn't know,'' Brittany said finally, finding her voice and looking Santana head on.

''You didn't know what?''

''I was eighteen. And I didn't know what to say when someone kneels in front of me and offers me _everything_. Maybe that's a really pathetic answer and maybe it makes no sense but that night...I just didn't know what to say. It was like I forgot how to talk because I couldn't believe-''

''What?'' Santana asked quietly as she looked down at her own shoes. ''That I was stupid enough to buy a ring?''

''No. That you loved me enough to give me one. I didn't know what to say because looking at you...looking at me...I lost my breath. It was like I didn't know how to make words anymore because…''

''Because what?''

Brittany paused and closed her eyes. She looked overwhelmed and about a million other different things.

''Brittany if you want to have this conversation here then you're gonna have to give me something. Like I can't keep guessing or wondering. Just...just tell me. You forgot how to make words because - what?''

''Because I had _the world's most perfect woman_ kneeling in front of me with a ring, Santana. I didn't know what to say and I didn't know how to say it because you gave me this perfect moment that most people only ever see in movies or read in books and all I could think was _how am I this lucky_. Millions of people in the world and I found the most perfect one and here she is...this perfect one offering me everything.''

Santana swallowed. ''...so why couldn't you say all that then? Why'd you just sit there and look at me speechless?''

''We had just graduated high school and there we were in L.A. and everything was so new and different and we were just barely starting to figure life out. _We were just barely figuring out how to be adults._ I mean I had just learned how to work a washing machine that very same week. I was eighteen and I didn't know how to get the words out when someone offers me something like that. Also, I had just had like three orgasms that night so speech was already going to be a struggle.''

Even in a conversation like this Santana took pride in herself and her stamina in the sack. ''Thank you.''

''You're welcome.''

''But not the point, Brittany.''

''Then what is the point, Santana?''

''The point is I don't think you get how scary it was for me,'' Santana countered. ''I came home to my girlfriend who I'd been with for years and we have dinner and we make love and afterwards I'm naked in every sense of the word and I pull out a ring and...and all I get is silence.''

''I'm sorry I hurt you, Santana, but you hurt me too.''

''I hurt you?''

Brittany laughed at the absurdity. ''You pulled out a ring and okay, I lost my speech for what thirty seconds and when I do finally talk I stumble over my words, you-you just freak out and close the box and walk out of the room. So you know what at eighteen I didn't know how to react to a ring, but at eighteen you didn't know how to react to my non-reaction either. San, I tried to talk to you for days after that night but each time I tried to bring it up you said it didn't matter, that it was stupid and that you were over it. Things got weird. You shut down on me and then you broke up with me out of nowhere.''

''Not out of where,'' Santana said and motioned with her hand between herself and Brittany. ''And for your information when you're sitting there holding out a ring to someone - thirty seconds feels like a fucking lifetime, Britt.''

''And so you punish me by leaving me? What kind of overreaction is that?''

''I wasn't punishing you. I was never angry with you. Breaking up was never about that.''

''Then what was it about?''

''I was just trying to save face alright? _I_ couldn't handle being with you thinking that each time you looked at me all you would ever see is some sad pathetic fool.''

''I never thought you were a fool.''

''Well I felt like one...I still feel like one. Every single day. And every single day that I see you I force myself to pretend that night never happened. That I never bought the ring, that I never showed it to you, that I never gave you the chance to reject me.''

''Who said I rejected you?''

''Look Brittany I gave you a choice and you couldn't choose. In that moment you couldn't choose...and that was answer enough for me. Because when it comes to you I've always known. I never had any doubt or hesitation...you did though and maybe that meant something. And guess what? That's okay because you didn't owe me anything and right now I don't owe you anything so I don't know why all of a sudden you're pushing all of this to the surface when we were doing just fine how we were.''

''You call all of this just fine?'' Brittany lifted her hands and motioned around the grimey train compartment.

Their night had been a messy, confusing nightmare so far. They had been running around the hotel and the city, they had encounters with literal rats and a couple of friendly neighborhood strippers.

Santana laughed weakly. ''I mean tonight? Drunk shenanigans? Wedding dress fiasco? No. But overall, me and you? Yeah.''

''Have you ever asked yourself why we do half the things we do?''

''Because they're fun?''

''Or because for whatever reason we've decided that if we can't be happy together we'll just be miserable together and we trick ourselves into believing that it's fun. The going out, the drinking, the occasional drug use, being those two unreliable, irresponsible bachelorettes - it's not fun anymore. And really, was it ever? And you want to know why all of this is coming out now, tonight? You're right, it's the wedding. Weddings do that. They make you think about what is and what could have been. Or at least it's made me think about all of those what ifs. If that night went different...or if we did different things after...what would our life look like.''

''Please don't do this.'' Santana looked so frightened. ''Brittany. Please.''

Brittany stepped closer towards her, her getting softer and more emotional as she went on. ''We were kids and _we both_ reacted to those things in really messed up ways. It's no one's fault, it's just how it went down and we can't change it. Maybe if we were smart enough we would've found a way to talk this out years ago but we're here now. And here now I'm tired of being miserable together. Aren't you?''

Santana had no answer.

''Do you remember earlier tonight when we were doing coke in the bathroom at the restaurant?'' Brittany pressed on regardless of the silence she received. ''I asked you if Mercedes was happy, if Quinn was happy and if we were happy...I'm not happy, Santana. Not when we're pretending that being friends, that being B-faces is all me and you are. We're more than that, we've always been more than that.''

Santana blinked back tears and shook her head. She knew what she wanted and she knew what Brittany wanted, but the risk of ever going there again with each other, it was just too much. It was still just too scary.

''Do you know how many girls I've been with just trying to get over you?'' she asked Brittany. ''I can't even count. Everybody thinks that's who I am and I think a part of me even wishes that's who I really was.''

''It's not...I know,'' Brittany said, encouraging her to go on. ''I've always known.''

''The only reason I started screwing around like that after we broke up, it was just about pretending, Britt. If I could pretend that's what I wanted, if I could pretend to be over our thing then I thought maybe you wouldn't feel sorry for me...or sad for me… Cause you know before all of this you were all I ever wanted. I used to think you were the one for me. And you know what the funny thing about all of this is? I never even believed in any of that 'the one' shit before you.''

''I do though,'' Brittany said with ease. ''I totally believe in all of that shit. I believe in 'the one' and I believe in fate and I believe in happy endings and I believe I was meant for you. I might have tried to convince myself that I didn't anymore, but I don't think I ever stopped wanting you. If what we had was just high school I don't think we would have stuck around each other like this. We would've just forgot about each other and drifted off to do our own things, but we didn't.''

''Because we're friends.''

''No, because something in you brings out something in me and something in me brings out something in you. There are better parts of us. And those parts, they're only for each other.''

X

Meanwhile back at the strip club Quinn and Elliot were walking out with the trash bag in hand. Brittany and Santana were long gone from the scene and in any other situation she would probably make an attempt to find them and figure out where they were or what was going on inside each of their heads but time was of the essence and they were running out of hours.

If the two of them had issues to sort of together she was going to leave them to it because it was now up to her to save the wedding and save the dress. She and Elliot were just about to slide into a cab when her phone began chirping.

Her screen lit up with life as the name Mercedes flashed onto the screen.

She took a deep breath and answered. ''Hey, what's going on, is everything okay,'' Quinn began urgently.

''Hey,'' Mercedes said. ''I know it's late and but I just couldn't sleep and I was wondering if you could come over to my room for a few minutes. I just want to have a talk, one on one.''

''I….uh….'' Quinn looked at the street and at Elliot who was waiting for her call on what to do and where to go.

''I'm kinda having a moment here and I need my maid of honor right now Q.''

And like that Quinn knew what she had to do. ''Okay, I'm on my way, just give me twenty minutes and I'll be there.''

They ended the call and Quinn pushed the wedding dress filled trash bag into Elliot's hands and then proceeded to push Elliot into the backseat of the taxi.

''What's going on, what are we doing? I thought you were coming with me,'' he said, hugging the bag to his front like a teddy bear.

''Change of plans. Listen the deal is still on okay? You go to your place, you get out your gear and you fix this dress, alright? If you can do that in three hours I'll pay you whatever the hell you want,'' she vowed as she shut the door behind him and put her hands on top of the hood. ''When you're done you take it back to the hotel alright? The same one we had the bachelorette party at. You got it?''

''I think so,'' he said with a nod.

Quinn handed him a wad of cash to pay the driver and saw him off. She barely waited a second before hailing her own cab and hauling her ass back to the hotel. As soon as she stepped inside the building there was a sense of dread that washed over her, and it only grew and became more intense as she made her way through the lobby, the corridors and finally to stand in front of Mercedes' hotel room door.

It was there standing in front of that door that she decided to call Santana. The last thing Santana had said she was going to do was reveal everything to Mercedes and Quinn wasn't sure if Santana had since returned to the hotel and made good on that. Unfortunately Santana's phone went straight to voicemail. _'Hey you've reached Santana, eat a dick'_ said the recorded message before the beep. Which kind of figured as she suddenly remembered she had actually broken Santana's phone. It had been left in the middle of the strip club floor after their slap fight.

With no clue what she was walking into Quinn lifted her hand and knocked on the door. A few moments later a very somber, serious looking Mercedes answered the door.

''I think we need to talk,'' Mercedes said in greeting.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: sorry for the delay guys, I've just been in a really bad place, and it's been hard to get my head in the zone :(**

X

''So what's this all about…''

Quinn's stomach was in knots. Mercedes had showed her into the large sitting area attached to the bedroom through a connecting door. She thought she heard the soft snoring of Sam coming from the sleeping quarters but shrugged it off as they moved to sit side by side on the sofa. Quinn thought she might actually have to spill everything to her friend.

''Have you-''

''I just wanted to-''

They started at the same time.

''You go first,'' Quinn encouraged and quieted herself.

Mercedes clasped her hands together and went on. ''I called you because I feel really bad about what happened earlier. I overreacted.''

''Hey, no, emotions were running really high.'' Quinn shook her head. There was no need for Mercedes to apologize for anything. ''And Santana and Brittany _were_ acting a little nutty. They know that and they feel badly.''

''I hope you don't think anything I said at the bachelorette party was aimed at you though. You've been a trooper and I know that this maid of honor stuff must have been really hard for you.''

Quinn tried to smile but it ended up looking like a really painful wince. ''Yeah but I'm really happy for you.''

''Quinn,'' Mercedes said firmly with a raise of her perfect brows. She didn't buy that smile for a second.

Quinn dropped the wincy smile and allowed herself to exhale. ''Okay. It hasn't been easy for me, no, but it's worth it. I mean...you are my favorite B-face. I was going to make sure you got your special big day, even if I had to shut down the biggest bitch alive to make it happen...even if that bitch was me.''

''You've done a lot for me, for this wedding. You've put your own shit aside in order to be here for me...so...'' Mercedes smiled warmly and placed a hand on top of one of Quinn's and squeezed affectionately. ''I just want you to know I appreciate you and everything you've done to get me to this day. You're a good friend.''

Quinn looked deeply into the eyes of Mercedes and saw nothing but gratitude and love and she couldn't help but think she didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve those small but powerful words of support. Mercedes was too kind, too generous of a person that she couldn't even see how increasingly unpleasant Quinn had become over the last several months as she went about performing her maid of honor duties. All Mercedes had seen, all Mercedes could see was Quinn being generous and strong.

Quinn knew she wasn't always the warmest of friends but here Mercedes was giving her a moment of her time on the night before her wedding to show her thanks for coming through, for putting aside everything else to be there for her fellow B-face.

Mercedes was a better friend than she could ever be.

''Are you okay?'' Mercedes asked as Quinn began to tear up.

''Yeah, I just ah, I need to go to the bathroom,'' Quinn said with a shutter and stood. ''I'm just going to go…''

In an awkward rush she excused herself and shut herself within the washroom. She went to the sink and gripped the sides of it as she began to examine her own reflection.

Mercedes deserved better than her. Mercedes deserved the truth. And the truth was Quinn had done something horrible. Mercedes deserved to know about the dress.

Even if that meant losing her friendship, even if that meant never being forgiven. It was the right thing she told herself, the honest thing.

As the pressure and the anxiety took over and invaded her body Quinn found herself resorting to a weird unhealthy itch she hadn't scratched in a very long time. This night was becoming too much for her to handle and she wasn't sure she could do it anymore. Not without some form of release, however warped.

She lifted the toilet seat and lid with a heel and then went to turn the faucet on where she ran two fingers under the tap. And while she used her other hand to pull her hair back and to the side she began to insert her moistened fingers into her mouth.

''What are you doing?'' Mercedes asked as she opened the door without knocking and surveyed the scene before her. The open lidded toilet, the fingers, the pulled back hair.

''Nothing.''

'' _I thought you stopped doing that_.''

''I haven't done this in years. I'm just stressed out and I needed…'' Quinn shut the water off and took a step back. She turned and addressed her words to the wall opposite of Mercedes. She just couldn't look her friend in the eyes. Not about this. Not with this shame.

Mercedes had been the only one who had ever known. The only one Quinn had ever trusted enough to tell back in high school. She had also been the one to step in front of Quinn on a couple of occasions and claim that she was the one with the problem.

The day Santana had first met Mercedes was the same day she had met Quinn as well. Both girls had been in the handicapped bathroom stall when Santana had strolled in and upon realizing she had heard all the noises Quinn had made Mercedes stood up and fibbed. She said it was her, not Quinn who had just thrown up. Saving Quinn the shame and embarrassment and taking it on herself because she knew the very lost, very emotionally fragile Quinn would fall apart hopelessly. Santana had bought the lie then and apparently still did so according to her toast at the rehearsal dinner earlier than evening.

Quinn had found a way to move past that habit, but tonight she was a wreck with the thought that because of her own ridiculous actions she might lose Mercedes forever. She needed something to calm her. Even if it was profoundly unhealthy.

''I needed something for myself. I needed to feel better,'' Quinn said, shuddering with emotion.

Mercedes walked in and tugged at one of Quinn's arms, urging her to look back, to face her. ''Do you remember when we used to skip AP English class and hang out in the bathroom? We'd always bitch out those smokers so that we could have the really cool stall at the end.''

Quinn nodded in silence, still not able to look at her friend.

''Santana used to ditch with us too way back when, until Brittany came along,'' Mercedes let a warm little chuckle roll out of her. ''Once Britt was in the picture the sole purpose she ditched was so she and Brittany could fool around in a janitor's closet together. I remember most days it was just you and me in that bathroom and we'd just like talk and talk...I really miss that. Just that. Like all day I'd seriously look forward to it. To sitting in a toilet stall with a friend. Then the Vice Principal found us...and she heard those noises...yeah...'' the mirth on her face disappeared as she turned serious suddenly. ''And she said she was gonna tell your parents that you were throwing up on purpose and I said _no, it was me, I was the one doing it_. Then everyone found out and they were like _uh, Mercedes, can't even throw up properly, she's still fat_. Do you remember what you said to me?''

Quinn pulled her watery gaze back to Mercedes. ''I said _fuck everyone_.''

''You don't know how many times I've said that to myself and that makes me feel a whole lot better. Quinn you don't need to do that,'' she paused and nodded down at the toilet, ''to feel powerful or in control. Look I'm not saying you're never going to have a ring or wedding day or love, but just so you know even if those things never come, it doesn't matter because regardless of them you're still a whole person. And anyone or anything that tells you you're not just because you don't have them - _fuck them_. _Fuck everyone._ ''

''Fuck everyone,'' Quinn repeated.

X

After they found their way off the subway and out of the station Santana stopped walking three steps ahead of Brittany.

They had expelled things that had been sitting and festering inside of them and now, there was nothing here to run from. She was in this conversation and there was no going back and with that, it was like they could breathe again. They walked the remainder of the way back to the hotel side by side. Mostly in silence but this time around it wasn't suffocating or awkward or painful.

Things were still however uncertain.

''Can I ask you a question?''

Santana lifted a shoulder as if to say _why not_.

''Where do we go from here?''

''I'm not sure, but then I'm not sure where any of us go from here.''

''Are you really going to tell Mercedes what happened?'' Brittany asked.

''I don't know. I mean she's going to find out one way or another. There's no way in hell Quinn's gonna get it fixed in the few hours we still have left. Pretty soon Mercedes is going to wake up and figure it out. Maybe the best thing for us to do is just be honest and tell her and deal with what comes with that.''

''There's still time though, and even if things still go to shit and that stripper Elliot can't fix it, like you said they're just things. Veils and wedding dresses and rings. They're all _just_ things.''

''You do know what I said earlier tonight at the bridal shop, that was all bull right? I was just talking out of my ass. You were right. Those things _do_ mean something. At least to some people. At least to Mercedes.''

''Those things,'' Brittany said cautiously ''...are they...like...do those things still mean something to you?''

Santana shook her head at that. ''I don't know. I guess I haven't thought about it in a long time.''

''Not even with any of the other girls you…'' Brittany drifted off but ended her thought making a weird and wavy hand gesture.

''No,'' Santana assured her quietly. ''I'm sure most of them were actually really great girls and maybe if I had bothered to try I might have found a couple of connections in there. Maybe one or two would have loved to do the whole marriage-house-kids-fuel-efficient-cars bit with me, but I guess I never saw the point.''

''The point of what?''

''For me it was never just about having _the things_...the rings and the wedding and the dress….it was about having those things with the right person. I never wanted it with anyone else.''

Brittany digested that in silence for a bit before going on. ''How come you never let me give you my answer after? If that's how you felt...then how come when I tried to bring it up and talk about it, you never let me get very far in those conversations before shutting them down.''

''I guess I was just embarrassed,'' Santana admitted with a little sigh. ''Embarrassed. Sad. Hurt. When you didn't say anything that night my head went to the worst possible scenario - no. I just assumed silence wasn't a good sign but I could survive silence in a way that I knew I couldn't survive hearing you actually say no to the ring...or me.''

''I didn't say no, you know.''

''You didn't say yes either, Britt,'' Santana said, no anger, just acceptance.

''You're right, I didn't...and I get that the silence might have felt like rejection on your side of it and I'm sorry for that because that's the last thing I'd ever want, to hurt you. But I did try to talk. After anyway. I should've tried harder though. I guess I was afraid too.''

''Of what?''

''That maybe when I didn't answer right away it gave you a chance to rethink the whole thing. I dunno, I thought because you didn't want to talk about it you changed your mind on what you wanted out of this...out of us.''

''Why would you ever think I'd change my mind?''

''I guess I thought the worst of your silence too. After that night any time I tried to talk and tell you what my answer was, you always found a way to wiggle out of those conversations. Some days it was like you couldn't even stand to be near me anymore.''

''When I bought that ring I knew what I was doing and I knew what I wanted. I didn't have any doubt. Not during, not after.''

''You didn't?''

Santana looked at her with sincere eyes. ''I didn't, and I'm sorry if me shutting down that way made it seem like I was taking it back. I was hurt and I was so scared if we actually talked about it that I'd hear a no and I knew I could never come back from hearing that, from losing you that way. All I could see was my hurt. I couldn't see beyond it. Not then anyway.''

''To be fair I probably couldn't see beyond mine either.''

''Maybe that means neither of us were ready for it,'' Santana said simply as they came to a stop across the street from the hotel. ''And maybe the way it all went down was for the best.''

''Maybe. I did have an answer though,'' Brittany said. ''You said that I couldn't choose but that's not true. That night. I had an answer for you. I just went into shock before I could get it out.''

Brittany opened her mouth as if about to speak that answer but Santana just reached up and placed her thumb against pink lips, gently silencing them. ''You don't have to. I get all of this, wanting to talk this out and I'm ready for whatever question or thought you want to toss out at me, but you don't have to give me that.''

''Why not?''

''Because regardless of the answer it's ten years later. It wouldn't matter either way. Like you said we're here now.''

It was hard to be a badass at love, Santana concluded, when the first time around your heart got punched in the hypothetical nads. She never came back from that. That pain, that quiet devastation. She never came back from loving Brittany, because it wasn't limited or conditional. No, when Santana loved, she loved with everything she was, everything inside of her. And the thought of losing herself in that love once was more than she could ever bear.

Brittany swallowed the ugly lump at the back of her throat that warned her that tears were moments away.

If this were a movie this would be that scene Brittany realized. Just like the stripper said. The moment where one of them was going to have to lay it all down, to say the words, to make the gesture, to take the leap before all was lost. And she knew it wasn't going to be Santana who stood there looking terrified and lost.

Brittany was going to have to do this herself. Like the first time.

''Just so you know I really wanted to kiss you in that bedroom tonight,'' Brittany said once again, certain in her words. ''I really wanted that. I wanted you to kiss me in that hotel room tonight and in the restaurant bathroom before that and on the plane ride here before that and, and, and on the street corner we passed five minutes ago and last weekend when we were doing shots of tequila and synchronized dances from cult classic 90's movies. And last month even when you called me from your bedroom floor because you slept all weird and when you woke up your foot was asleep but like the spikey-tingly feelings traveled upwards on your body and you were freaking out at me totally convinced that your _'vagina fell asleep too'_.''

''It _did_ fall asleep!''

''Yeah and you made me come over and help you walk it off and even though you were being a totally whiny ridiculous nerd baby I wanted you to kiss me then too. At your best, at your worst, at even your most ridiculous, there's not a minute that goes by where I don't want your lips on mine. I'm not over you. I don't think I'll ever be over you. I'll never be over that girl, that girl who back in high school was a complete and total asshole to everyone but just-just turned into the most devoted most loving sweetheart with me. The girl who took me to prom and danced with me in front of everybody. The girl who held my hand in the vet's waiting room when my cat Charity got sick from eating my secret stash of gummy worms. The girl who never forgot a single anniversary or birthday. The girl who...who showed me how to make love for the first time. The girl who believed in forever.'' Brittany went to place a hand over Santana's heart. ''She was the girl I was going to say yes to.''

And because Brittany didn't know what else to say or how to say it, and because she was truly the bigger badass at love she ended her sentence by pulling Santana into a long and delicious kiss. She had been waiting almost ten years to say that one word, to give that one answer. And even if that specific question was no longer on the table it felt good to let it go, to get it out, to speak it.

After a long moment Santana pulled back and it was then that Brittany saw a flash of something in her eyes, something familiar. The girl who used to believe in forever. She was still here, she was still inside of Santana trapped and waiting to be released.

''What are you doing?'' Santana asked in a breathless whisper.

''I don't know, I don't know,'' Brittany murmured and went back to attach herself to Santana's mouth, mumbling each time her lips pulled away for a millisecond. ''I just know that this has been a never fucking ending night and if this is it, if me and you never...again...I had to say that, I had to do that. I just needed you to know.''

Santana couldn't say it with words yet but she couldn't deny that her body was responding to Brittany's hurried and heartfelt declaration. Her want was so very evident as it took her over. With the parting of lips she became incapable of holding it any longer, ten years of longing came pouring out of her, sealing them together. Brittany sank her hands into her dark hair as she felt Santana's form soon melt into hers, unable to resist that natural magnetic pull. What started off as slow and sweet morphed into something else, something certain, something fierce as Santana stopped being passive in this embrace and began to kiss back eagerly, desperately, passionately. After awhile it ceased to be a kiss and it became something else.

Both of them knew that whatever this was, it wasn't some magical resolution. If anything falling into each other's arms now would only be yet one more complication. It was completely and utterly nonsensical but then again so was their entire evening.

So why should this be any different, Brittany thought to herself as her hot breath mingled with Santana's. Their bodies pressed together was the only sense she needed. And this kind of touch might just be the only way to make Santana remember, make Santana admit that somewhere deep inside she was still desperate for Brittany the way Brittany had realized she was still desperate for Santana.

It was a mad ridiculous stumbly journey across the street and into the hotel where they moved quickly and covertly into one of the elevators where again they fell into each other.

When this stopped being just a mere kiss it was clear where this was going to lead and neither of them were about to pull away to finish their Long And Meaningful Conversation. No, not when Santana pushed Brittany up against one of the walls, not when Brittany whimpered out a soft, sexy _''touch me''_ into her ear, and certainly not when Santana moved a hand underneath Brittany's dress to stroke a pale, smooth thigh only to spread Brittany's legs, pushing one out and to the side and wrapping the other around her own waist.

''Where's your key card,'' Santana panted against the pale skin of Brittany's neck.

''Huh?''

''Your room. We need - uh god - we need a bed.''

''I don't have it. Quinn has it, I gave it to her for safe keeping because she said I shouldn't carry it in my boobs. What about yours?''

Santana shook her head as if trying to jog her own memory. ''I think the last place I had it was in Q's suite upstairs.''

Brittany let out a little groan and knocked her head back against the elevator wall in frustration before glancing at the panel of buttons at her side. She slammed her hand down on the emergency stop and turned back to Santana, pulling her back into a greedy, needy kiss. ''We'll just have to do this here then,'' she said.

Santana pulled her head back however. ''Wuh, no.''

''No?''

''No, not here. I can't...I need...it's been so long and I want it to be…'' she trailed off.

She needed it to be right, she needed it to be special. It had been nearly ten years since they had touched each other like this, felt each other like this and Santana didn't want it to be some fast and fumbly thing they did in a hotel elevator. She wasn't sure what this was, but there was the possibility that this might be the last time and if it was going to be that, then she wanted to do this right.

''Okay then where?'' asked Brittany.

''I have an idea.'' Santana said as she hit the emergency stop button again to get them moving.

Santana's idea was probably the mother of all bad ideas, and considering their night that was really saying something, but they were both functioning in a sexually frustrated fog and thoughtful thinking went out the window the minute their lips had first touched.

''We do have one other option…'' Santana began as she and Brittany exited the elevator and started down the hallway of an upper floor.

She recalled a certain conversation she had been witness to earlier in the evening. Tina and Sugar had been squealing about Sam booking the honeymoon suite for the wedding night and how it was waiting and empty, prepared for the newlyweds. And since she had stolen his wallet before they hit the strip club that meant she was in possession of the keycard.

''This is so wrong,'' Brittany said as they stood outside of the large elaborate door. ''Using the honeymoon suite.''

''Probably but it's not like they're using it now. Besides we'll make sure housekeeping tidies up before the wedding night. Right now though it's empty and there's a nice soft bed on the other side of this door.'' Santana held up the keycard in front of Brittany's nose.

That was all of the convincing Brittany needed to take the card in hand. Santana moved to stand behind her, pressing her front to Brittany's back as she began to slide it in. When they saw the light on the locking mechanism turn green both of their hearts skipped a beat.

They were doing this, they were going there, there was no doubt now.

They walked inside of the large, beautiful suite and paused as they took it all in. Everything was perfect and pristine, way more gorgeous and spacious than either of their rooms or even Quinn's. They moved through the place in the darkness, their only light source being the large almost floor to ceiling glass windows that overlooked the streets. Santana pulled at the thin, gauzy curtains, moving them aside so they could see the city and it's buildings glowing.

They continued on exploring, moving through the sitting area and the dining area until they came to the room with the bed. This room too had an impressive view of the city lights from a distance. Santana pressed a finger to the glass and turned to say something, only to see Brittany was no longer at her side. Brittany was behind her, sitting at the edge of the bed, blinking slowly and waiting and biting down on her lip with a look of anticipation.

X

''You know why I spend my free time helping young teen moms, giving them medical attention and check ups for their kids?''

Quinn and Mercedes were now sitting on the bathroom floor of Mercedes' hotel room facing each other having a quiet conversation.

''Because deep down you're a really good person,'' Mercedes offered.

Quinn lifted a shoulder. ''I'm not so sure about that. I do it because I know that's when it happens.''

''When what happens?''

''When you start to hate yourself. Sixteen. That's when it happens. When you start looking at your body, at your face, you start nitpicking every little imperfection, when your parents start putting all of their expectations on you, when nothing you do seems to make anyone happy. Sixteen is when it happens. Sixteen sucks but sixteen and pregnant...sixteen with a kid...''

''Gotta be tough,'' Mercedes said and nodded in agreement.

''I see myself in them. I see them scared, I see them uncertain, I see them...and I see me. God, I've always envied you, you know.''

''You envied me?''

''Yeah,'' Quinn stated and slumped her back against the side of the tub. ''Always. Ever since high school. I mean there was Britt and Santana but they had their messy moments too on occasion, but you...it always seemed like you had everything figured out. Like you knew who you were and that was it. Even when people tried to screw with you back then, you found a way to rise above it. Like words just bounced off of you. I never saw you struggle to love yourself, your life just seemed so easy and simple and to this day I don't think I've ever believed in myself that way...loved myself that way.''

Mercedes fought not to roll her eyes at her friend. She laughed instead. ''You have it all backwards if you really think anything about my life has been easy, Quinn.''

''How do you mean?''

''I think you saw what you wanted to see, or maybe I just made it all look really easy,'' Mercedes considered. ''But if you think I don't struggle every single day to love myself you have it all wrong. Every day that we wake up we're forced out into this world that tells us who to be, how to be and that we're falling short if we don't stack up to expectations and living inside of that as a young woman, _as a young woman of color,_ has never been easy. The difference between you and me is that I figured out early on that no one was gonna fight for me...so I decided to fight for myself, to love myself in the face of all of that. In the face of expectations and rejection and hate. I mean you don't think there weren't moments where I thought 'I'm never going find that dream job' or 'I'm never going to find the right guy' or 'I'm never going to be the right size' - I've had those days and I've had those thoughts. You don't think the whole yearbook Pigface thing didn't hurt me back then? It did. And it made me fight to love myself even harder.'' She sagged her shoulders and reached over to touch Quinn affectionately on the knee. ''Look I'm not saying you have no reason to be sad or frustrated or any of those things, but I am saying you shouldn't have to wait for a ring or some guy to love you in order for you to love yourself. And you know what, even if tomorrow those things - the man, the house, the country club membership - showed up on your doorstep, I guarantee you you'd still find a way to be unhappy or unfilled. You don't need those things. You need to fight for yourself, Quinn.''

''And how do I do that?''

''I wish I had an answer but no one can tell you how to do that but you. My fight isn't gonna look like your fight, just like your fight isn't gonna look like anything like Santana's, and her fight it's not gonna look anything like Brittany's. You know? You gotta figure this out for you, in your own way.''

''That sounds fucking terrifying.''

''It is,'' Mercedes chuckled heartily. ''But it's also fucking worth it.''

Quinn closed her eyes and a single tear rolled down her cheek, she nodded repeatedly until she took a deep breath and launched herself at Mercedes, wrapping her into a hug. ''You're a better friend than all of us, you know that right.''

''Psh, girl I've always known that,'' Mercedes teased.

X


	12. Chapter 12

Santana was fairly certain that she wasn't drunk, running around the hotel and the city throughout the night had done a good job of sobering her up, but she couldn't help but feel a little bit dizzy as she looked at Brittany sitting there on the edge of the bed, waiting.

While it had felt mad and urgent moments ago on the street and in the elevator, now it felt like time was slowing down and expanding. This didn't feel fun anymore, it didn't feel sneaky anymore, it felt serious, it felt _heavy_. With the sudden knowledge that whatever happened from here on out, there were very real things and very real emotions at stake, Santana felt like a statue unable to move. And for a moment she felt like she was a teenager again in her old bedroom with Brittany in the old days before either of them had made any kind of move, before they were ever a couple, before when they were people who used to dream about a future. Terrified, certain, eager, desperately wanting.

The room was silent and still for an awkwardly long time until Brittany found a ridiculous dove made out of hotel towels near the middle of the bed and began to absentmindedly play with the silly thing.

''I'm totally going to steal this,'' Brittany said, making Santana laugh and breaking the lull. However Brittany's look of anticipation and playfulness soon turned to one filled with worry as she noted Santana was still keeping her distance. ''We don't have to do this,'' she said calmly.

Santana blinked rapidly. ''What?''

''This.'' Brittany tossed the towel dove aside and made a nod down to her lap and the bed. ''If you're having second thoughts.''

''Are you having second thoughts?''

Brittany shook her head in the negative. ''It's okay if you are though. I know what I want and I know why I'm here but if you changed your mind I get it.''

''It's not that I've changed my mind.'' Santana took a handful of steps to the bed where she came to sit beside Brittany. Their shoulders touched as they both stared forward out through the large windows of the suite that looked out onto the city which was still lit up with lights. Sunrise was still a few hours away. ''It's just that at the start of the day this is the last place I thought me and you would ever end up at.''

''In bed?''

''The honeymoon suite.''

''I guess it is kind of funny when you think about it. Me and you...here...after everything. Then again, out of all of the messed up things we've done tonight it's not the strangest thing that's happened. Honestly if you ask me, me and you ending up here _is_ our kind of trademark crazy. Me and you ending up in _the honeymoon suite_ of all places tonight after all of these years makes no sense which in turn, for us, makes perfect sense.''

''When you put it like that I guess it does.''

Santana smiled in the darkness of the room when she felt Brittany's hand snake down to fold into her own there in the middle of the mattress.

It was amazing how a single seemingly innocent touch could carry so much weight to it. How it made her shudder in the most amazing way. All she could think as she looked down at their hands was that if things had been different, if they had made different choices maybe they would've ended up in a honeymoon suite sooner, in different circumstances. Maybe in some other universe this could've been their honeymoon suite, on the eve before their wedding.

It made Santana sad to think about it like that. The endless what ifs.

''I still want this, Britt,'' Santana continued, ''but I have to be honest with you...I don't know what tonight will mean or if it'll mean anything. Right now I don't want to think about what happened before or what might happen after or any of that stuff, I just want you, here, tonight.'' She squeezed her hand gently. ''Can we do that? Can we not think about before or after and just have this, for now?''

''Yeah, yeah we can do that,'' Brittany answered.

Santana turned her body sideways and brought both of Brittany's hands into her lap and began running her thumbs over her skin. ''Is it weird that I'm kind of nervous as hell right now?''

''Why would you be nervous? It's just me.''

''I know it's just you but that's exactly why I'm nervous.'' Santana shrugged, looking almost bashful. With anyone else she'd be wearing a perfect mask but all bravado, all ego, all defences were stripped away when she was with Brittany. ''It's been awhile for me since I went to bed with someone who meant something...anything...to me.''

''That's okay.'' Brittany reached up to cup her cheek. ''We can just take things as slow as we both need.''

''Slow,'' Santana repeated with a lick of her lips.

''Slow."

And so they went slow.

They got lost in each other as the resumed their kiss and allowed each other to explore and taste and savor. They were intimately rediscovering with every suck, every flick of a tongue, melting into one another.

A hundred one night stands and hookups could never compare to the feeling of Brittany's lips pressed against hers. No one had ever made her heart beat the way Brittany did. And yet as passionate as this embrace on the bed was, it wasn't rushed or hungry, it was patient and gentle.

For so long she had used sex as a distraction, but this, this was something else. This was connection, this was _communication_. This was Brittany. The only one who could ever challenge her. The only one who could ever set her on fire while at the same time the only one who could ever sooth her too. No one else's kiss, no one else's touch, no one else's smile could ever compare.

''Santana...wait...hey…'' It took her a minute to realize Brittany was actually trying to get her attention between kisses. ''Wait,'' Brittany said with a soft whimper.

Santana halted and pulled her mouth away. She blinked with worry in her eyes.

''No,'' Brittany said, sensing that and trying to put her at ease. ''I mean I want to keep going but this is getting uncomfortable and...''

Santana watched then as Brittany stood and turned around with her back to her and it took her a second to realize what the blonde was silently requesting. And so with shaky hands Santana reached over to pull at the zipper at the back of Brittany's dress. Her throat went dry at the sound of it coming down. Brittany turned around to face her and peel her own dress away, revealing herself until all she had on was a strapless bra and little lace panties that made Santana's brain go a little haywire.

She drank in the sight slowly, in appreciation and wonder, admiring every little detail of her body as if she hadn't seen it a million times already. Every tight little curve, every perfect little freckle, everything that was Brittany was right there, for her. If this was indeed the last time Santana was going to make sure she committed every kiss, every detail, every whisper, every moan, every move to memory and she was going to take her time doing so.

Santana sat up straight and reached out to Brittany's sides where her hands moved up and down soothingly until she let them fall to rest on hips. They remained there even as Brittany removed her bra and let the straps slide off of her shoulders until the garment fell to the ground.

''I missed this,'' Santana whispered and leaned forward until her face was pressed against Brittany's pale stomach. ''You have no idea.''

''I think I have some idea,'' Brittany replied as her own hands began to run through Santana's dark hair, sending shivers up and down her spine.

It meant everything to her that Brittany was the first one to shed her clothing and bare herself to her this way. No barriers, no walls, no apprehension. It meant Brittany was willing and ready to be vulnerable and exposed. That she was ready to give herself away to Santana in this moment. It was her own way of saying she would make the first move so Santana didn't have to.

And wasn't that how it always was? Santana may have been the more openly passionate one, but she was also so very cautious while Brittany on the surface might have seemed more quiet and meek and yet she was the one who had such a lion heart.

Santana hummed as her lips made contact with Brittany's abs, pressing against them gently with a sort of reverence. She ran feather light kisses up and down her toned stomach until her mouth sought to go lower and her fingers slid into the sides of Brittany's panties and massaged the skin there slowly, silently asking for permission which Brittany gave. She placed her hands over Santana's as she began the process of slowly pulling them down. Santana was careful to hold onto one of Brittany's hips in order to help her step out of them.

There she stood then nude in front of an awestruck Santana who just swallowed and stared. She still had the most perfect body, the most perfect hands, the most perfect neck, the most perfect everything she thought.

Brittany went to straddle her lap, planting each of her legs on either side of Santana and providing her with the most delicious view of her pale ever so lickable thighs.

'' _Oh my fuck_ ,'' Santana moaned in satisfaction. ''You're already…?'' She took a shaky breath when she looked down and realized Brittany was already wet.

''With you, I always just…'' Brittany trailed off and bit her lip. She didn't look ashamed or bothered by her obvious arousal.

''Yeah?''

''Yeah.''

Santana smirked at the memory. It had always been one of her favorite things about Brittany when they were together, how quickly the blonde would get wet after a kiss or touch from her. How Brittany was always ready for her, eager for her.

Brittany steadied herself by wrapping her arms around Santana's neck, basically hugging their fronts together.

''I can feel your heart beating,'' whispered Brittany.

''I can feel your heart beating too,'' Santana whispered back, her fingers tracing random shapes across her naked back.

They held each other for a long while like that, simply relishing in the feel of the others body wrapped around them. Santana found herself relaxing with every minute, feeling a little less nervous and a little less dizzy with Brittany holding her like this.

''Can I…?'' Brittany gently asked after several minutes as her own hands found their way to Santana's back, or more precisely to the zipper of her dress.

Santana nodded dumbly and she watched Brittany take a long inhale before she began sliding the zipper down. She allowed Brittany's hands to gently ease her onto her back and with precision the blonde peeled Santana's dress down and off of her in slow, smooth movements.

And then she was naked as Brittany hovered over her body.

There was no going back now as skin pressed against skin and as Brittany lowered her lips to press and open against Santana's.

It was a kiss that said this was just the beginning and once again while it started off slow it started to morph into something more heated and hurried. Shakey, uncertain hands became steady and sure, exploring with new confidence, with want. Tongues that were at first tentative turned desperate, almost greedy. It was getting hot and heavy and wet and before she even realized it Santana felt her legs being spread out by Brittany who wrapped them around her middle.

Santana grinned up at her as Brittany situated herself just right, just where Santana needed her. ''Is this okay?'' Brittany asked with a wicked little grin.

Santana nodded and encouraged her on by giving her a squeeze to her ass with one hand while the other found and caressed a breast.

And true to her word as Brittany said it would be, it was slow. That first thrust forward against Santana was so wonderfully slow. It was almost as if there was a direct line from her heart down to her center because when she felt Brittany sliding against her there, Santana swore her heart exploded in the most fantastic way. The second they connected it was like Santana overdosed on bliss, she felt it everywhere, in her fingers and toes, shoulders and sides.

''Jesus,'' she moaned as Brittany started up a rhythm between them. Her hands still holding Santana open for her to move with ease.

''You feel…'' Brittany paused and her eyelashes fluttered rapidly, overcome with the sensation that was Santana, wet and swollen against her. ''You feel like…'' she shook her head and pressed a kiss onto her.

There were no words. Because for Brittany, Santana had always been the best feeling in the world and even after all that time the fact hadn't changed.

In fact, it seemed to each of them that nothing had ever really changed. At least when it came to this anyhow. That natural chemical connection. When it came to them, when it came to this, it was like their every kiss was evolution. Pushing them further, bringing them to a place they were certain no one else had ever been.

What was happening between them couldn't be contained, not after they had finally allowed their bodies to speak to each other in this way after so long.

Santana had wanted to go slow the first time, and they did. They also managed to go slow the second time too. But by round three all that tenderness had turned back into playfulness. It was clear then that they were going to put that honeymoon suite to work. They had to, like, honor the room Santana thought as she and Brittany fumbled together out of bed and onto the floor, pulling the sheets down with them. Santana swooped around quickly to be on top, panting ''my turn'' into a sloppy kiss and positioned herself between Brittany's thighs. From there, they somehow made their way to the sitting area where Santana found herself splayed onto an ottoman while Brittany knelled in front of her, head between Santana's thighs lapping and moaning away. After that they made their way over to a credenza where they accidentally knocked over an expensive looking vase. Not wanting either of them to get hurt Brittany wrapped her arms around Santana, lifted her off the surface and helped them stumble their way over to the bedroom dresser which she was promptly fucked against.

It was messy, it was chaos, it was urgent, it was madness.

A madness Santana wished she could live in for the rest of her life, she thought as Brittany bounced in her lap ( Round #6, in the large elaborate desk chair in the corner). And in that wonderful kind of madness it was easy to lose track of time as they screwed their way all over that hotel suite. It was like two hurricanes meeting, everything was being knocked off of surfaces, fabric was being pulled off the bed, furniture was shaking with the force of their bodies tumbling about together. Occasionally Santana found herself coming out of her spinning dizzy haze when she felt Brittany give her a love bite or when a side table jabbed her in the ass cheek, but otherwise, they were both lost to each other's bodies. Until finally they were both naked and covered in each other, splayed out sideways on the mattress.

''So…...that happened,'' Santana said as she stared up at the ceiling.

''That was hot,'' Brittany sighed, sounding and looking just as amazed. ''You're still, like, really really good at that.''

''So are you.''

''You still do that tongue thing I like.''

''Where I turn you around and lick all the way down to your-''

''-yeah that.'' Brittany moaned in content.

''I can't believe how many times I came,'' Santana exhaled with satisfaction.

''Seven, for the record.''

''How do you do that?''

''Make you come?'' Brittany chuckled.

''Take me there,'' Santana answered seriously. ''To this crazy intense wild place. How do you take me there? How is it that out of all the girls I've ever been with, you're the only one who drives me this wild. I feel like I could fuck you for a thousand years and never get tired, never get bored. Every time feels like the first time with you. Why?''

''Probably the same reason you always take me there too, to that wild place. Sex is different with feelings. Sex is _better_ with feelings. Even if we hardly talk about them...feelings I mean. In case you haven't noticed I kind of have, like, a million of them for you.''

''Feelings...''

Brittany nodded and turned on her side to face Santana and let her hand drift into dark hair, combing it back with her fingers. ''Are you sleepy?''

''Not really. I mean I am but sleep is the last thing I feel like doing. And not just because I have some wicked rug burn on my side,'' hummed Santana. ''Even though this entire night has been nothing but trouble I kind of don't want it to end. When the sun finally comes up...I don't know if anything will ever be the same...for any of us. All of that shit with the dress and Mercedes, we're going to have to face that tomorrow.''

''And me and you?''

''I don't know. I think me and you are going to have to figure out where we stand. This, here…'' Santana made a nod, indicating the hotel room and the bed beneath them. ''...it was a nice escape, a beautiful escape really. But we both know it doesn't exactly fix anything. I don't know what tomorrow is going to throw at us, Britt, all I know is that right here, right now I have you in my arms, and if this is the last time we ever have each other like this I don't want to spend what's left of the night worrying. I just want to enjoy this for what it is, for as long as I can.''

''Me too,'' Brittany said, pulling Santana's form closer to her. ''Me too.''

They kissed once more, long and languid, until they both drifted off into slumber. Side by side, nude against each other they had their first and only moment of peace throughout this never ending night they seemed trapped within.

X

 **The Wedding Day**

Mercedes and Quinn sat together on that bathroom floor until the wee hours of the night. They had spent the last couple of hours just talking, talking like they used to in that bathroom stall during their high school days. Free of judgement, free of obligation.

It left Quinn feeling nostalgic and connected to Mercedes in a way she hadn't felt in a very long time. They had had a moment and despite the fact that Mercedes probably had a million different things on her mind on the night before her wedding she had taken the time to hear Quinn out and be a shoulder for her.

Quinn was quite aware that she was indeed a very shitty friend and it was then and there as she felt the hours pass on that bathroom floor that she realized that the only way to turn it around, the only way to even begin to make it right was to be honest.

She and the rest of the B faces had wasted so much time throughout the night running away from the problem, _all_ of their problems when really what they should have been doing was facing them. Even if Mercedes could never forgive them for this specific problem...she deserved the truth and maybe it was time Quinn gave it to her.

''Mercedes, I have something to tell you…'' Quinn started, emotion heavy in her voice. ''I've done something terrible.''

''What...what is it?'' Mercedes asked.

Quinn blinked and allowed herself one long breath before she attempted to let the truth about the ruined dress spill from her lips. Unfortunately before she could even do that the bathroom door cracked open and Sam peeked his head in.

''Hey,'' a sleepy Sam yawned. ''The front desk called, they said the hair and make up team are on their way up to Quinn's suite. _It's time_.''

Momentarily forgetting Quinn's confession Mercedes broke out into a smile. This was it. ''Holy moly, _it's time_.''

'' _It's time_ ,'' Quinn repeated and spared a glance down at her watch.

It was official, morning was finally here, the wedding day was upon them. And the bride's dress was MIA.

With mirth Sam and Mercedes dashed out of the bathroom, each of them giddy to begin their special day leaving Quinn to look skywards.

''Fuck my life,'' she said to no one in particular.

X

Both Santana and Brittany startled awake when they heard the obnoxious sound of Brittany's ringtone sound at the foot of the bed. With sheets wrapped around them they sprang up to sit. Each of them squinted at the daylight filtering into the suite.

''Shit!'' Santana exclaimed as she turned and slapped the bedside clock off of the side table, though not before she caught a glimpse of the time. 7am. ''Fuck, the wedding!''

Brittany, still groggy from sleep, fell out of bed with a thump and grabbed her phone. ''Oh my god, it's Elliot!''

''Answer it, also where's my bra?''

Brittany received the call and put it on speaker so Santana could hear as well as she greeted the man. ''Hello...Elliot?''

''Hey,'' the man chirped on the other end of the line. ''This is Brittany right? I have your wedding dress, er well, your friend's wedding dress.''

''You do?'' Santana squeaked.

''I made a deal with your friend Quinn last night to fix it after the two of you took off. I would've called her but she high key kind of scares me. Anyway I'm just calling to say I pulled an all nighter and not to toot my own horn but I was able to very nearly restore just about everything. I mean there's still drops of blood all over the front and it kind of smells like garbage but you can't even tell it was torn to begin with.''

''You did it!'' she exclaimed into her cell and then threw a grin at Santana, ''he did it!''

''Jesus H. Macy if you were here and if I wasn't ten different kinds of gay I would kiss you,'' Santana shouted with relief at the part time stripper-part time fashion student.

Elliot laughed. ''Yeah well, if _I_ wasn't ten different kinds of gay I might enjoy that but uh, not necessary. Listen though last night your friend told me to bring it to the hotel. I'm just a few blocks away. Do you want me to come up or do you guys want to come down or?''

Santana and Brittany exchanged glances.

''Stay down there, we'll come to collect, just try to be inconspicuous. The entire wedding party is staying at the hotel and no one knows about the dress getting wrecked.''

Elliot quickly agreed and said he'd do his best to not be noticed in the lobby and promptly ended the call.

''What are we going to do?'' Brittany asked, waiting for Santana to call the next shot.

Santana stood up stark naked and began to pace the bedroom as she moved her fingers about in front of her mouth as if in great thought. ''Okay here's what's going to happen. This is what we're gonna do! We're going to get some clothes on and I'm going to find Elliot and get the dress. Since it has blood and rodent stank on it I'm going to take it to the laundry room so the lady from last night can clean it. Meanwhile you're going to go to both of our rooms and collect our bridesmaid dresses. We'll meet somewhere in the middle cause right now that's as far as my brain will let me plan. It's a long shot but maybe just maybe we might be able to pull this off without anyone ever finding out. I don't know where Quinn is and frankly it doesn't matter, right now this is down to me and you, Britt. It's on us to make it right and that's what we have to do. You with me?''

''I'm sorry can you repeat like all of that?''

''Brittany!''

''What?! You're pacing _naked_ in front of me, excuse me for zoning out,'' Brittany said and waved a hand at Santana's breasts.

Santana smiled but shook her head. ''Me and you had a lot of fun last night. And I'm not talking about the whole wedding dress mess or the strip club adventure or even watching Quinn fist fight a street rat, I mean here.'' She made a single nod to the nearby bed which was in total disarray from their tumble in the sheets. ''But for now I think we need to put all of this me and you stuff on the back burner, at least until we make it through this wedding. Hopefully we'll both still be alive.''

Brittany stood up and nodded in agreement as she hopped into her panties. ''And then me and you will…''

''Figure it out,'' Santana said. ''But after. Let's make it through today first?''

''Here's your bra.'' Brittany supplied the article of clothing on her fingertip and extended it to Santana.

''Thanks.''

They both hurriedly slipped into their clothes and started out of the room. They made their exit and slipped out into the hallway, trying to look as casual as possible as they slipped out of the honeymoon suite.

''Let's split up, okay? You go that way, I'll go this way,'' Santana instructed in a whisper even though there was exactly no one around.

''We're going to fix this,'' Brittany said with confidence.

X

With her signature bitch face intact Quinn stormed into her suite which was HQ for some apparent reason. The room was bustling with what had to be over a dozen people as the make up and hair team were tending to all of the bridesmaids.

''The bride is coming, look alive people!'' Quinn declared as she started a stride through them all.

''Quinn, do you have a second?'' Tina appeared.

''I'm busy,'' Quinn shouted, gesturing wildly to the phone she had placed against her cheek.

''But the wedding dress!'' Sugar chimed in. ''We can't find it anywhere.''

Quinn reached the double doors leading to the bedroom and opened them up dramatically to allow herself entrance, only to turn around and address the entire room. ''Assholes, I am the maid of fucking honor. Everything is under control. All any of you have to do is sit in a chair, put some mascara on and run a comb through your hair. Everything is on schedule and going according to plan. So all of you bitch baby bridesmaids need to relax. I have it all under control.''

And with that she closed the doors. The second they were shut she threw herself face first onto the bed.

She had nothing under control. Santana and Brittany were nowhere to be found, she had tried calling Elliot to see if he had made any progress with the dress but only got his voicemail message and Mercedes was quite literally down the hall making her way over for her hair, makeup and dress. She was doomed.

''I am so fucking dead,'' she sighed to herself.

And then without announcement Mike and Artie burst through the double doors. Each of them with a frightful look on their face.

''We have a situation,'' Mike said urgently.

''Of course you do,'' Quinn said because if it wasn't one fire it was another.


	13. Chapter 13

''It's Kitty,'' Artie said.

''Kitty?'' Quinn questioned as she stood back up and grabbed her bridesmaid dress from a closet and pulled it off the hanger. She did a little finger motion with her hand, silently instructing Artie and Mike to turn around which they did so she could change in their presence. ''Sam's alchie sister? What about her?''

''Artie is supposed to walk her down the aisle,'' Mike explained in a rush.

''But when I went to her room this morning to say hello and actually introduce myself her room was unlocked. I took a peek in and it looked wrecked. She locked herself in the bathroom.''

''We tried talking to her at first, but now she's not responding.''

Quinn grumbled. ''So you came to me because?''

''You're the maid of honor.'' Mike shrugged. ''Isn't wrangling members of the wedding party one of your duties?''

Quinn gave them an epic eye roll and pushed past them through the double doors back into the sitting area where the other bridesmaids were getting ready with the assistance of the beauty teams.

''Time check!'' Quinn hollered.

''7:10!'' chirped Sugar.

''Brilliant.'' Quinn marched herself right back out of the room she had only just entered moments ago. This time of course she had Artie and Mike tagging along at her heels.

As the maid of honor she did have a multitude of duties and one of them had been coordinating everyone's hotel accommodations. This of course meant she didn't need to ask for directions to Kitty's room. She knew exactly where it was. Once she arrived at the door she tapped it open and stepped inside. The room was indeed a wreck, the bedding was all twisted up, the hotel phone looked like it had been thrown off the side table, empty champagne bottles were all over the place, one even appeared to be broken on the bedroom dresser. While neither she, Artie or Mike were all that familiar with Kitty each of them felt worry and dread at the scene.

It didn't look good and from what Quinn remembered from the previous night Kitty didn't seem to be the most stable person, given her outburst at the bachelorette party. Then again Brittany _had_ slapped her unprovoked, but still.

Quinn approached the bathroom door and knocked. She got no response. Quinn knocked again, harder.

''Kitty, you can't lock yourself in the bathroom when it isn't your wedding,'' Quinn shouted through the door, chuckling awkwardly. She hoped this was simply a bitch throwing a tantrum. That she could deal with, that should handle but the empty bottles and the disarray of the room gave her the feeling that whatever was on the other side of that door was more serious. ''What's going on? Kitty? Open the door! Come on!'' Quinn continued through pants as her knocks became harder and more frantic. ''Look no one is angry and no one is going to make you do anything but we need you to open this door. Can you do that? Kitty…?''

Beside her Artie looked unsettled. ''Maybe we should call the front desk? They could open the door for us and-''

''Oh my god!'' exclaimed Mike as Quinn rammed her body against the door and busting it open, summoning strength from some unknown place.

''Shit,'' Quinn said with a terrified exhale as all three of them got a good look at what was on the other side of the door.

Kitty was laying on her side unconscious on the bathroom floor. Quinn immediately went to her knees to tend to her, brushing Kitty's hair away from her face and gently patting her on the cheek in some fruitless attempt to wake her.

''You stupid fucking idiot,'' Quinn said on the brink of tears, more so out of concern than anger.

''I'm calling 911,'' Mike announced, pulling out his phone and busying himself.

Quinn was shaking. ''Fuck, do her lips look blue to you? Her lips are turning fucking blue!''

Artie meanwhile inched forward. ''We have to do something for her.''

''Like what?'' Quinn asked.

''I don't know!'' Artie whimpered. ''But something! Put her in the bathtub? Pour some water on her? What do they do in movies to wake people up?''

''An ambulance is on its way, it'll be here in five minutes,'' Mike said, his phone to his ear.

''It's Manhatten on Saturday, five minutes is like thirty minutes,'' Quinn grumbled.

And that's when she felt it, a certain calm and clarity wash over her as she stared down at the unmoving woman in front of her.

Last night Mercedes had told her she had to fight for the life she wanted which was kind of a foreign idea for Quinn. She had never learned to do that but here and now she had a sudden determination to fight for the _literal_ life of this woman on the floor. It didn't matter if Kitty was a bitch, it didn't even matter that she didn't even know her at all, all Quinn knew was that like hell was she going to let something like this go down on her watch.

Who was to say this bitch wasn't worth fighting for Quinn thought. What exactly made her messy ass any different than her or Brittany or Santana. Bitches had to stick together, even if she didn't particularly happen to like this certain bitch.

''Mike I need your help.'' Quinn hopped up and went to the bathroom sink where she ran her fingers under the water faucet before going back down to Kitty's side. ''Help me get her over to the tub, okay. On my count, one two, three…''

With Mike's assistance they propped Kitty up so she was leaning over the edge of the tub. While Mike held onto her right Quinn held onto her left and and then proceeded to prod Kitty's mouth open with her free hand, trying to induce her to vomit. It was a struggle and some deeply unsettling noises came from Kitty.

Artie looked alarmed. ''You're hurting her.''

''No, I'm helping her,'' Quinn explained. ''I can do this! She can do this!''

It was a bit of an ordeal as everyone was freaking out but then Kitty's body jerked in their arms and Mike and Quinn held onto her as the woman began to vomit, purging her system. Though some of her fluids didn't quite make it into the tub unfortunately, as some did land on Quinn herself. Regardless of that though there was a feeling of relief that Kitty was at least breathing and gasping for air between heaves.

''There it is,'' Quinn said encouragingly. ''Good job...good job...good job.'' It took several moments for Kitty to really come too and even then she still wasn't all there, but she was awake. For some reason she slumped against Quinn, hugging her for dear life. Quinn held the revived woman, soothing back Kitty's blonde hair. ''You're going to be okay...you're going to be okay…''

Mike and Artie were shocked at what they had just witnessed Quinn do for the other woman. It had been unexpectedly heroic. ''How did you know how to do that?'' asked Mike.

''I used to do that to myself,'' Quinn explained as she stared down at Kitty whose breathing was beginning to even out and normalize.

''Why would you ever do that _to yourself_?'' Artie asked.

''I wanted to be beautiful,'' Quinn answered honestly and sadly.

The wait for the ambulance was more like fifteen minutes instead of thirty and when the EMTs arrived they were very quiet and brisk as they went about doing their job. Thankfully Kitty's room had been on the other side of the hotel, far away from the suite working as the bridal party's HQ so the medics were able to get in without anyone else from the wedding party seeing and blabbing. Artie and Mike decided to wait in the hallway, guarding the door from any curious eyes who might happen to walk by. Quinn however stayed in the room upon Kitty's insistence.

By that time Kitty was sitting upright on the bed and looking completely alert though slightly frazzled as the medics checked her vitals.

''You saved my life,'' Kitty said weakly, never minding the people trying to look into her eyes or check her heart rate.

''I had to,'' Quinn replied with a weary laugh. ''Having one of the bridesmaids die wasn't really on the wedding itinerary.''

''True,'' Kitty croaked. ''But reviving a fucked up bitch wasn't on the itinerary either. I know I was kind of an asshole last night at the bachelorette party…''

''Yeah well, who wasn't?''

''Truth be told even though I love my brother watching all of this wedding stuff happening to Sam, it hasn't been the easiest thing for me. A tiny part of me got pissed off having to watch him have this amazing romance and amazing wedding while I kind of just stood on the sidelines waiting for those things to just show up in my own life. I don't know why I thought sleeping with your hot friend or getting shit faced drunk last night would fix any of that.''

''We all have our unhealthy vices,'' Quinn said simply without judgement. ''Maybe we're _all_ a little fucked up. _Your_ fucked up might not look like _my_ fucked up but I understand it on some level. It doesn't mean you're not worth fighting for...doesn't mean I'm not worth fighting for...even if we're the only ones fighting for ourselves.''

Kitty nodded, looking serious. ''I'll have to work on that.''

Quinn gave her a sympathetic expression. ''Should I call someone for you?''

''What? No. _No_ ,'' Kitty said. ''I don't want to make this a thing. Sam and Mercedes should get the wedding of their dreams and this…'' she motioned to the wrecked room, the empty bottles and the medics prodding at her. ''This would shit all over that. Besides the medics said they don't even have to pump my stomach, they're just checking everything as a precaution. Whatever the hell you did...it saved me.''

Quinn felt a quiet surge of pride fill her, warm her.

Even bitches needed second chances at life. Life, both literally and figuratively. And by giving this bitch her second chance Quinn felt like she was in turn receiving her own.

She wasn't going to count herself out of the fight just yet.

''I'd hug you but we're both covered in vomit,'' Quinn said lightheartedly.

''Sorry about that.'' Kitty winced.

Quinn tried to play it off casually, lifting a single shoulder in nonchalance. ''I'm maid of honor, it's a messy job.''

X

Once she and Brittany had parted ways outside of the honeymoon suite Santana practically ran through the hotel like it was an obstacle course as she made her way downstairs into the lobby.

All she had to do was collect the dress and run it down to the laundry room where was hoping she could get it cleaned. It was an easy plan and it would've all gone smoothly had she not quite literally ran into Sam.

''Ah fuck,'' she grumbled as she turned a corner and knocked into him.

Dressed in his fancy suit Sam greeted her. ''Hey Santana.''

''Er, hey, Sam.''

''What's got you in a rush?''

''Bridesmaid duties,'' she answered with a false and forced smile as she looked past him further into the hotel lobby and spotted Elliot sitting in the lounge area with the wedding dress in the trash bag. He was trying to camouflage himself with a giant potted plant nearby. ''What are you doing down here?''

''I was tracing my steps from last night. I can't seem to find my wallet anywhere.''

Santana smirked. She did plan to return that later on covertly, though handing it over now would lead to a million and one questions which she would much rather avoid. ''All this wedding stuff going on, it probably just got misplaced in a suitcase or jacket. I'm sure it'll turn up somewhere.''

Looking like a sad puppy Sam slumped his shoulders. ''I'm not even worried about the credit cards or the cash but I had my vows written down on a piece of paper I tucked inside of it and now I can't remember a single line of them.''

Santana's smirk faded. She hadn't expected that.

''It's just as well anyway,'' Sam said pathetically. ''What I had was pretty lame to begin with.''

''I'm sure they were fine,'' she encouraged him as she tried to figure out how to make a graceful escape from this conversation. She did make the mental note however to slip him back his wallet sometime before the ceremony began...well, if the ceremony ever began.

''Can I be honest with you, Santana?''

She winced because she would rather he not be.

''As sure as I am that I love Mercedes and that I want all of this, all of her, all of us...I kind of feel like I'm about to puke and cry. Puke and cry at the same time. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be _at the alter puking and crying all over myself.''_

''Are you having second thoughts?''

Sam scrunched up his face. ''What, of course not. I don't feel like puking and crying because I'm having second thoughts, no, I feel like tossing my cookies because I'm really happy and _excited_ that today I get to call Mercedes my wife. But what if I get up there and she sees me blubbering like a doofus and _she_ has second thoughts about marrying a dope who has gross snot all over his face because he can't stop crying. Why would she ever marry _that guy_?'' He took a shuddering breath, blinking rapidly at her.

Santana inhaled deeply and rubbed her face. She and Brittany had screwed all over that hotel room and had in fact only gotten about an hour of sleep before they scrambled out of bed. She didn't exactly have the energy for this but there wasn't exactly anyone else here to give Sam a peptalk which he so obviously needed.

''Alright Sam look I'm gonna give it to you straight here. I don't know why she would want this…'' she made a comical wave to his body. ''For the rest of her life. I mean if you ask me you're not much to look at.''

''Thanks.''

''Your impressions are kinda for shit. Your hair needs some kind of intervention. Your fish lips are all sorts of alarming. You're not perfect is what I'm trying to say here and that's okay because neither is she. Love is looking at someone and understanding and appreciating the good and the bad, the amazing and the messy. I don't know you well but I know Mercedes and I know she wouldn't have said yes to spending the rest of her life with you if she didn't love all of your parts and that, Sam, includes _the messy_. _For better or worse_. If you fumble over your vows, so what, if you cry in front of her, who the fuck cares, if you need to throw up...just try to avoid her shoes.''

''For better or worse huh?''

''This is your wedding day, Sam. _You got this_.''

With a renewed confidence he nodded eagerly. ''I got this.''

''You do.''

He looked like he was moments away from giving her a hug. ''You're a really good friend, Santana.''

''I'm really not.''

''No, you are. A little rough around the edges but you're a good friend.''

Santana sank into herself. If only he knew all the havoc she, Brittany and Quinn had reeking he wouldn't be saying that.

''I only hope that one day you find the woman of your dreams who's going to love all of you, the amazing and the messy.'' He squinted at her as he spotted a couple of markings on her neck. She lamely rubbed at the hickies. ''That is if you haven't already found her,'' he teased.

''Shut up, Evans.''

He laughed and elbowed her in the side in a very sibling like manner. ''Alright I'm going to head up and search my bags for my wallet one more time and I guess I'll see you at the wedding site then huh.'' He tapped his watch and then started off towards the bank of elevators.

''Hey Sam…''

He turned around and smiled, looking hopeful.

''I want you to know that whatever happens today I want you and Mercedes to have the best most beautiful life together.''

He grinned and gave her a double thumbs up before shutting himself in an elevator and going back up. The minute he was out of sight she sprinted into the lobby to reach Elliot where she tossed out a rapid ''We-owe-you-everything-I-promise-to-pay-you later-bye!'' over her shoulder as she started hustling her way over through the service doors in search of the large industrial laundry room.

With a grunt she pulled the dress from the bag and tossed it onto the large table.

''Here it is!'' Santana said brightly, desperately to the hotel employee she, Brittany and Quinn had encountered the night before. ''You said you would clean it if I fixed it and I fixed it!''

The female hotel employee gave her a strange look but nodded nevertheless. ''I'll tell one of the girls but I gotta warn you mornings can be kind of hectic here so they'll get to it when they can, my shift is over though so I'm going home.''

''What's your name?'' Santana asked, looking all kinds of pitiful.

''Theresa.''

''Theresa, I know that you hate me from yesterday, I fucking hate me from yesterday too. Can we start fresh today? New leaf...please? I need your help.''

The woman muttered and smiled reluctantly. ''Alright.''

''Really?! You'll stay? Thank you!'' Santana beamed. ''I really have strong feelings for you right now.''

''Take it easy.'' The woman, Theresa, rolled her eyes as she took the dress and started to prepare it for the process of a thorough clean and steam.

''Normally I'd offer you some kind of sexual favor right about now but…'' Santana trailed off, absentmindedly oversharing. ''I may or may not be involved with someone as of this morning.''

''Mmhmm,'' Theresa made a sassy little sound. ''One of the blondes from last night?''

Santana quirked an eyebrow.

''Let me guess, the prim Stepford Wife looking one who talks like she has a stick up her ass?''

''What, ew, no!'' Santana scoffed with laughter. ''Gross. No, the cute one who had the nose bleed.''

''Well,'' the woman said, looking tickled, ''that's some new development considering it's only been, what, seven hours since I last saw you?''

''Seven of the longest fucking hours of my life.''

''But I guess it couldn't have been all bad if you and her came out of it.''

''No I guess not. Not all bad,'' Santana had to admit out loud.

X

X

X

 **A/N: the whole Kitty on the bathroom floor storyline is in the movie, however it's the Brittany character who passes out and has to be revived. It's a weirdly dramatic scene in the movie. I just didn't want to go that route with Brittany, so.**


	14. Chapter 14

X

Brittany was crouched down at the end of a hallway, hidden behind a room service cart that had just been wheeled out from a newly vacant room. There was an abandoned half full cup of coffee and a bit of pancake on a plate which she helped herself to as she sat in wait.

There appeared to be a handful of cleaning ladies and their cleaning carts lining the hallway, each of them tending to various rooms along the way. She bit her lip in concentration as she tried to figure out how she was going to get into her and Santana's rooms. Quinn had her room card so Brittany was going to have to be tricky about it all.

She knew the hotel employees weren't just going to open the door and let her stroll in without some kind of identification and confirmation that the room was hers and she didn't have time for that with the wedding only an hour away. Her only idea was to wait until one of cleaning crew opened her room to tidy it up, covertly slip inside, grab her and Santana's bridesmaid dresses and run like the wind before anyone tried to stop her or ask questions.

And so, she waited and watched, all the while eating a stack of pancakes like a sandwich.

''You know if you hadn't run off last night on me we could've had a good time and I would've treated to a proper breakfast this morning…''

Brittany turned around at the male voice coming from behind her. She stood up when she saw it was Finn who, with his eyes, gave her a lecherous once over.

''What are you doing here?'' she asked.

He pointed at a room nearby. ''That's my room, I was just heading out to find Sam for his big day. What about you?''

''Um, nothing.'' She didn't feel like explaining her dilemma and she figured he probably wasn't worth explaining it to.

''Oh-ho-ho, I get it.'' He began nodding and adjusting his suit, so very full of himself. ''You came looking for me?''

''I what?'' Brittany squeaked in confusion.

''We were having some fun at the strip club last night and now here you are,'' Finn continued trying to lay on his smarmy charm. It was true that they had shared a few words at the strip club as they each stuck bills in thongs but as far as Brittany recalled there definitely hadn't been any meaningful exchanges between them, friendly or otherwise. ''So you were just conveniently hovering around my hotel room?'' he asked skeptically. ''Listen Whitney-''

''Brittany,'' she corrected him firmly.

''Brittany, Whitney, whatever.'' He shrugged. ''You don't have to play innocent with me. It was bound to happen, it's only natural, I mean best man,'' he made a wave to himself, ''bridesmaid,'' and then made a wave to Brittany. ''Sparks and hormones are bound to fly.''

''What are you talking about?''

''You want me.''

She snort-laughed. ''Pretty sure I don't.''

''You're telling me those simultaneous lap dances we were on the receiving end of, that wasn't some elaborate form of foreplay?'' he shot her a punchable grin.

Sensing where he was trying to go with all of this and seeing right through his _Nice Guy_ act right to his authentic _Disgusting Asshole_ self, she cut him off. ''No, not at all.''

He didn't take the hint, or at least he refused to acknowledge the hint. ''Oh I get it, playing hard to get. Well don't worry I'll wear you down. I'm very persistent that way. Why don't you get back to me after the ceremony, huh? Vows have a way of making women wet. Bridesmaids are infinitely more desperate for it during the reception. You can get back to me then. I may not promise you forever but what I can guarantee is a good fifteen minutes behind the catering truck.''

Brittany wrinkled her nose in repulsion and then, out of the corner of her eye she spotted a cleaning person push their cart to her hotel door as if preparing to open it up. Finally. She was itching to make a dash for it but this stupid goon was distracting her. ''Look Finn, I'm kind of in the middle of something here.''

Finn tilted his head in consideration. ''Is this about that other bridesmaid you were with. The dark sexy one?''

''Santana,'' Brittany said firmly.

''Yeah Artie and Mike already told me about you and her having some kind of past.''

''She and I have a past and after last night I'm hoping we maybe possibly might even have a future too. But even if that's not the case I'm not interested in whatever you're trying to put out there.''

''Just for the record she can totally get in on this too, I wouldn't mind a threesome or I can just watch-''

And then, on a sort of auto pilot Brittany grabbed a heavy duty coffee carafe from the room service cart nearby and slammed it onto the side of his head. Not hard enough to inflict serious damage, but enough to hurt like a motherfucker.

She could handle rude people, she could handle jerks, she could handle and shrug off all kinds of behavior, sure, but what she couldn't do, what she could never do was ignore someone talking about Santana like that. The dope kinda had it coming if you asked her.

Comically Finn went down to the floor with a pathetic yelp, grasping his head and making blubbery whimpering noises. ''Fuhhhhh, why did you do that?''

Realizing an opportunity Brittany screamed at the top of her lungs. ''Oh my god, help!'' she hollered at the cleaning ladies standing around their carts down the hall. With a false look of concern she started waving them over towards her and Finn, who was still groaning in pain on the floor. ''I think he's having a stroke!''

''I'm not having a fucking stroke, you fucking hit me,'' he cried weakly.

''Shut up.'' She gave him a gentle kick in his side, trying to shush him.

The cleaning crew ran towards her and Finn and immediately went down to assist what they thought was a hotel guest in physical distress. With them occupied she made a break for it. One of the maids had luckily just opened her hotel room, Brittany quickly ran in, yanked her garment bag from the closet space, hopped over the bed and through the door connecting her room with Santana's where she found the second garment bag. She tossed both of them onto her back and then scrambled out, running in heels down the hall towards the bank of elevators. As she waited for the doors to close she watched the cleaning ladies flutter and panic around Finn who was still on the ground trying to push them away.

''I think we should call 911,'' one employee commented. ''He's definitely having a stroke, look at his poor face!''

''Get off me! This is just how my face normally looks!'' Finn shouted at all of them, clutching the side of his head which was bleeding from a one inch gash near his brow.

Brittany couldn't _not_ smile at that. _The douche_ , she thought as the elevator started to move.

X

After leaving Kitty with the medics as well as Artie and Mike who insisted on sticking nearby in case the sister of the groom needed anything, Quinn made her way back to her suite where Mercedes was finally being seated into make up.

''There you are, Quinn.'' Mercedes waved her over and motioned to a man standing nearby who was holding a display of flowers. She quietly began to explain. ''The florist is here to give me the bouquet I'm supposed to walk down the aisle with but this _isn't_ what I ordered.''

Sensing her friend wasn't comfortable unleashing her inner bridezilla Quinn turned to the florist and fumed in bitch mode on her behalf, ''THIS ISN'T WHAT SHE ORDERED!''

Mercedes cupped her mouth and whispered to Quinn as if the florist wasn't a few inches away. ''I ordered peonies.''

''SHE ORDERED PEONIES!'' Quinn reiterated to the flustered man.

Tina, Jane and Sugar who had been quietly observing the scene began to speak up. ''It's not what you planned but the roses that he brought look really pretty,'' Jane chimed in helpfully.

''Totally pretty,'' Sugar added.

''I'm sure you can make these flowers work,'' said Tina.

''Fuck this,'' Quinn said, shaking her head at the florist. '' _The bride wants peonies, the bride is going to get peonies_. Go downstairs to the reception hall, take some peonies from the centerpieces there and I expect you back here with a new fucking bouquet in ten minutes- _GO_!''

Looking scared for his life the florist nodded and made a mad dash out of the room. Mercedes however was beaming and bouncing in her seat, taking a sort of delight in watching Quinn work her bitch magic.

''I love you,'' Mercedes said, pleased. This is why Quinn was her maid of honor, bitch knew how to get things done and wasn't afraid to get down and dirty and bitchy to make sure everything moved along smoothly. ''But hey I have a quick question for you because I'm a little worried. The girls were telling me they couldn't find my wedding dress. Do you know anything about that? Also where are Brittany and Santana? Shouldn't they be here in hair and makeup too? And... _is that vomit on your bridesmaid dress_?''

Faced with those questions and the prospect of having to answer them Quinn's face twitched into some unreadable expression. She looked both sick and horrified.

''Quinn! Phone for you!'' Sugar hollered and held out the hotel room phone to her.

Quinn ran both of her hands soothingly over Mercedes shoulders. ''You know what I have perfectly good answers to all those questions but if you'll excuse me for two seconds, I have to take this call. I'll be right back.''

In truth she had no idea who the hell was on the other line or what the phone call could pertain to but it had offered her a temporary out from having a highly complicated conversation. She took the phone from Sugar and shimmied her way to the far side of the room so as not to be overheard by the others fluttering about the space.

''Who the hell is this and what the hell do you want,'' was Quinn's greeting into the receiver.

''Bitch it's me,'' Santana greeted back.

''Oh thank god, where you are and where the hell is Brittany?''

Momentarily forgetting their squabble from the previous night Santana answered rapidly, ''I'm downstairs with the wedding dress and I sent Brittany to go collect our bridesmaids outfits from our rooms.''

''Wait, you're here _and_ you have the wedding dress?''

''Elliot dropped it off this morning. I was like this close from having Sam see it but yeah.''

''Well get it up here!''

''I can't, it's being cleaned. We had to get the blood out and it kind of smelled like garbage, what with the whole you rolling around with it in a pile of garbage remember? They're saying it's gonna be like forty minutes.''

''The wedding is in an hour,'' Quinn hissed under her breath.

''I'm well fucking aware,'' Santana laughed mirthlessly.

''Are you still pissed at me about what I said at the strip club? Because I'm sorry I was being an ass and-''

''Q, we don't have time for A Very Special Conversation right now, so can we maybe save that very touching moment for later? Look you and the bridesmaids get Mercedes to the wedding site and I promise me and Britt will get the dress there to meet you all, okay?''

''Wait, what? Are you sure? This is it, Santana. We're literally down to the wire here.''

''A hundred percent. Just trust me okay? We can tell Mercedes about everything after the fact but until she says 'I do' we all need to pretend like everything's going according to plan. Britt and I will be right behind you as soon as the dress is cleaned. Can you do that? Can you stall until then?''

''Stall, I'm on it, got it.''

X

Downstairs on the other end of the line, in the large hotel laundry room Santana thanked her new friend with a simple nod of gratitude for letting her make the call to Quinn on the maintenance line.

''...so as I was saying before I made my call,'' Santana started on as she draped herself casually against a table, talking to Theresa in housekeeping as if they were old pals all of a sudden. ''Brittany. Part of me wants to give this relationship a second chance, and after the way she and I spent the last few hours of last night I'm gonna be real and admit that part of me is primarily my vagina. But then there are other parts of me, namely my brain, that tell me that jumping in head first or even vagina first into all of that again will only end in more tears and pain and longing and frankly, neither my vagina nor my head are prepared for that.''

Nearby Theresa rubbed her forehead wearily. ''You know, I only asked if you wanted coffee while you waited for the dress, I didn't need all of that information on your love life or your vagina for that matter.''

Santana shrugged with nonchalance. ''I feel like our friendship is at that level now though.''

''It's not but if you want my advice I'm just going to say this, stop listening to your head and stop listening to your vagina. There's a time and a place to listen to those two but when it comes to love they're not always reliable. When it comes to love...it comes to the heart. You gotta listen to the heart on this one.''

''And then, what if my heart gets fucked up again just like it was before?''

''That's a possibility and a risk, just like everything else in life. You won't get anywhere in life playing it safe. Look there's nothing remarkable or admirable about throwing away the chance at love. Sometimes being brave means being a fool, and you Ms-whoever-you-are-because-I-still-don't-know-your-name, strike me as a monumental fool in every other sense...that said, why not be a fool for love too?''

Santana looked thoughtful. ''So you think I should go for it again?''

''I think you need serious therapy and anger management sessions, but yes,'' the slightly older woman softened and laughed. ''Why not? Listen I saw the two of you last night and you were both high and obnoxious as hell but you were also pretty adorable together.''

''We were?''

''You somehow made stuffing tissues up into her bloody nose look deeply romantic.''

''We did?''

''If you ask me you're a couple of messy fools,'' the housekeeper teased. ''But maybe you two messy fools need to be together in order to sort each other out. Maybe what makes you so messy is the fact that you're _not_ together?''

''So you think if she and I were to give it another go it would be like for our well being?''

''No, I'm saying if you two were together it actually might be for the well being of everyone else around you. I get the idea that the two of you cause disaster and chaos wherever you go.''

''True,'' Santana said with pride.

X

''Alright why don't we get the bride in her dress now,'' Tina said and went about clapping her hands like an excited baby seal.

In Quinn's suite everyone was finishing up and doing their final touches. Everyone had their hair, make up and wedding bouquets in hand and all of them had already slipped into their bridesmaid dresses. Mercedes had also gotten finishing touches to her hair and makeup done as well, although she was still wearing her adorable pink pajamas. She stood there looking adorably excited and nervous holding her brand new wedding bouquet the florist had arranged on the fly for her.

Jane tapped her watch. ''Once she's dressed we really should make our way down. The cars are waiting outside for us''

''...so you never did answer us from earlier, Quinn,'' Sugar said with a suspicious squint. ''Where is Mercedes wedding dress?''

Mercedes gave Quinn a hopeful little smile. ''Why isn't it in the room?''

Quinn swallowed loudly.

Tina folded her arms, impatient. Jane meanwhile quirked an eyebrow. They along with Sugar looked like they knew one was trying to be pulled over on them and they didn't seem to pleased about it as they waited on Quinn for answers.

''You do have the dress right?'' Jane pointedly asked Quinn.

''Of course I have the dress.''

''Then where is it?'' Sugar demanded.

''Because it was here when we left the room last night,'' said Tina. ''You, Santana and Brittany were the only ones who could've moved it, so now I'm just wondering how or why it only went MIA after the three of you were alone with it.''

Sugar and Jane nodded along in solidarity with Tina's questioning. ''This all seems very strange and curious.''

''And why do you have vomit on you?'' Sugar asked.

''See-it's um-and the thing is-it's uhhhhhh,'' Quinn rambled anxiously before a light bulb went off above her head. ''It's being steamed. Steamed! Yeah!''

''Steamed? Right now?''

''When Mercedes is _moments away_ from her wedding?''

''Well,'' Quinn began. ''With all of the travel and moving about I thought the dress needed some last minute sprucing up. It's not as if Mercedes can very well wear her dress _in the car to the ceremony_ anyway.''

''Why not?'' asked Tina.

''Because,'' Quinn said with false confidence. ''Silk plus sitting in traffic? What does that equal? Answer me that? Huh?''

Mercedes lifted her head as it dawned on her. ''Wrinkles?''

''Exactly!'' Quinn laughed with relief. ''I have everything sorted out and arranged. I've timed it all out. To preserve it and make sure it doesn't get wrinkled the wedding dress will be _at_ the wedding site. Brittany and Santana, our missing bridesmaids, are on it.''

''Brittany and Santana?'' Tina balked.

''Are you sure they were the best people to put on the job?'' Mercedes asked.

''Especially considering we're in a time crunch,'' Sugar said.

''Especially considering their behavior last night,'' Tina added. ''Literally any one of us would have been more responsible and trustworthy. But you left those two with the wedding dress and set them loose?''

Quinn raised her hands to quiet their concerns. ''Listen I know they can be assholes but when push comes to shove Britt and Santana know how to get shit done.'' And then turning to Mercedes. ''They're our b-faces. Trust me when I say you can trust them. They might have screwed up royally last night but today, nothing will stop them from coming through for you.''

Tina, Jane and Sugar didn't look as convinced but Mercedes seemed to have a little bit more faith in Quinn who began to grin and snap her fingers about as she directed everyone towards the door, urging them to make their exit, still insisting everything was fine and in order.

Quinn shut the door once everyone was out in the hall. They all made their way downstairs and through the hotel lobby out onto the sidewalk where they all slipped into a black limo. As the driver pulled out into the street and began their journey to the wedding sight Quinn looked out of her window and said a quiet prayer.

''Dear god, please let those two get their bitch asses to the ceremony in time.''

X

With Mercedes freshly cleaned wedding dress tucked over her shoulder, and with a new sense of resolution and calm over her Brittany dilemma, Santana hauled her ass out of the service doors. She came to a rather sudden awkward stop when she saw an ill looking Kitty being helped along by a medic with Artie and Mike trailing behind them.

''Whoa, what the hell happened?'' Santana asked.

''Long story,'' Mike and Artie answered in unison.

Santana blinked, genuinely taken aback. Judging from the looks of things she, Brittany and Quinn probably weren't the only ones to have a really messed up night before the wedding and no matter what dust up might have occurred the night before with Kitty at the bachelorette party Santana was properly concerned for the other woman. Kitty threw her a weak smile that lacked the bluster and fizzle from the looks she had been shooting Santana the previous night. It was a smile that looked real, authentic and without ulterior motivations.

She watched them pass by and continued her jog until she turned a corner and saw yet another medic walking towards her. This one happened to be carrying Finn in his arms in the classic fireman pose. The best man appeared to be crying and huffing as he held an ice pack to his head.

''What in the hell is going on in this hotel today?''

Finn wiped at his running nose. ''Your girlfriend hit me in the head!'' he whined at Santana.

''Wait...Brittany did this to you?'' Santana asked, tickled by the thought. ''Why?''

''Because I generously suggested that I'd be open to having a threeway with the two of you, and this is the thanks I get!'' He pointed at his bleeding head.

Santana grinned. She couldn't exactly say she wouldn't do the same if he had made that kind of suggestion to her. In fact she figured he was lucky it was Brittany he said that to otherwise he would've suffered something far more brutal than a blow to the head.

''You tell her she's lucky there were already medics in the building who happened to walk past me otherwise I might have suffered permanent brain damage,'' Finn cried.

''I'm pretty sure any brain damage you have was inflicted long before this.''

With a parting glare Santana stormed on past them, uninterested in Finn's well being or that particular conversation. She continued on her high heeled jog until she found herself running into yet another person. This time she collided with someone who was attempting to exit an elevator just as she was trying to enter it. She let out a surprised puff of air and then relaxed when she realized it was Brittany.

''There you are, thank god,'' Santana said. ''I've been running around trying to find you.''

''You got the dress?''

''Yep. You got our outfits?''

Brittany held up their garment bags as answer. ''I just came from Quinn's suite upstairs. She, Mercedes and the other bridesmaids are already gone though. We missed them.''

''No we didn't.'' Santana licked her lips, took a gulp of air and then pulled at Brittany's free hand and began gently tugging her down the hall and towards the main hotel lobby area. ''We're kind of coming up short on time so I told Q to get everyone to the ceremony, me and you are just gonna meet them there.''

Hand in hand they ran out of the building and came to a stop on the sidewalk. It was there on the pavement that they watched the limo with Mercedes and the bridesmaids drive off without them. Without a word between them they started running down the block. Bypassing an ambulance where both Kitty and Finn were being tended to by medics, they both began waving their hands about, trying to signal any available cab passing by. One came to a stop and they scrambled inside the backseat.

''See that limo up ahead, follow it!'' Santana instructed the driver by popping her head into the small window in the partition in the vehicle.

Soon they were taking off, the driver hitting the pedal as their cab sped through the streets.

X

 **Just a note to say I don't hate Finn (though I'm not his biggest fan either) and I don't think he's** _ **this**_ **slimey, however within the context of this wacky AU I do have him** _ **playing the part**_ **of that douche bag best man from the movie. And hey, the script had him getting hit in the head, so. :P**


	15. Chapter 15

X

''So, what are you two in a rush to get to?'' the overly curious cab driver hollered over his shoulder as Santana and Brittany finally took a moment to relax in the backseat.

''A wedding,'' Santana explained

''A wedding, ah!'' The cabbie exclaimed. ''I love weddings. The food, the music, the open bar, I tell ya weddings make the best parties. So where are ya dates?''

Santana and Brittany traded loaded glances. There was a lot to unpack there given the fact that there was still so much unresolved between them.

''Nevermind that,'' Santana hollered. ''Just follow that damn limo will ya?''

Santana sat back in her seat, turned to Brittany and did a double take when she saw that in the middle of the commotion Brittany had begun to take off her clothes, right then and there. In broad daylight, in the back of a taxi.

''What are you doing?!''

''What's it look like?''

''It looks like you're getting naked,'' Santana said with a nervous chuckle. ''And as you know I'm not entirely opposed to quickies in public but uh I don't think this is the best time.''

''I'm not getting naked, I'm getting changed,'' Brittany answered as she wiggled around uncomfortably. ''We have to put on our bridesmaids dresses.''

Santana made a wave to the backseat. ''Here? Now?''

''You said it yourself, we don't exactly have a lot of time on our hands. As soon as we get to the wedding site we're going to have to make a run for it to get to Mercedes. Now get my zipper for me will you?''

Santana did as told and watched appreciatively as Brittany's pale smooth back was revealed to her. _So much for not thinking with your vagina_ , Santana thought. Unfortunately she couldn't manage to get a better peek because Brittany soon pushed Santana's own garment bag at her.

''Here. Don't forget to put yours on.''

Entranced Santana simply started to undress too with Brittany of course giving her a hand with her zipper as well. Getting out of their evening wear from the previous day wasn't such a hard task, but getting _into_ their clothes for the wedding was going to be another matter. The driver was speeding along in pursuit of the limo, taking wild turns, dodging in and out of lanes to pass other vehicles, hopping an occasional curb. All of it left Santana and Brittany holding on for their dear lives while bouncing around the backseat in their underwear.

''I know this isn't the best time or whatever but since it was brought up,'' Brittany started. ''What do you say?''

''What do I say to what?''

''To being my date? Like, officially.''

''Date?''

Brittany nodded and continued on as they rocked and swayed. ''Yeah.''

''Is that something you really want?''

''It is, but like only if you want it too. It's just that you said after today and after the wedding you'd tell me what you wanted and where you stood. I just want you to know no matter what your answer is you'll still be my best friend and my favorite b-face. That part is never gonna change. But just in case I don't get the answer I want...I mean...would you?''

''Brittany...''

''Be my date to this thing?'' Brittany asked. ''If tomorrow you decide that there's no going back for us, I'll accept it and we can move on and finally put our past in the past. But as for today would you do me the honor of giving me this one thing? Would you be my date to the wedding?''

''No-I mean yes-I mean you shouldn't have to…'' Santana stammered as she searched for the right words. ''Brittany I can totally be your date. In fact I would love to be your date. And just so you know I don't need anymore time to think or figure out where we stand because I've realized that I still-SONOFABITCHFUCK!''

They had hit one particular bump that had the car catching air and their bodies actually rising off of the backseat. They let out simultaneous yelps as their heads made contact with the roof of the vehicle with a couple of hard thuds. When their bodies tumbled back down they somehow managed to miss the seat entirely and instead landed on the floor of the car with Brittany on top of Santana. Unfortunately Santana's right eye caught Brittany's elbow causing Santana to yowl in pain.

''Oh my god are you okay?!'' Brittany squeaked out in concern as she shuffled off of Santana and began to pull the both of them up.

''I'm. Totally. Fine. Gah.'' Santana spoke in fragments as she recovered. ''Please tell me, am I still hot?''

Brittany leaned forward to inspect Santana more closely and winced when she saw a large red bruise start to form around Santana's eye socket. ''Uhhhhh. Does this hurt?'' Brittany poked a finger at Santana's face.

''Y'owww,'' Santana wailed.

''What's going on back there?'' the cab driver shouted at their ruckus.

''Nothing and keep your eyes on the road pal!'' Santana hissed in warning. They were still in their underwear after all. ''Or so help me!''

''Santana this looks bad.'' Brittany noted how the redness in Santana's face was getting more obvious and how Santana was actually starting to squint with one eye as if it were beginning to slowly close up from swelling. ''Like really bad. We should stop and get some ice for it.''

''No, it's fine. It doesn't matter, we have to keep going. For Mercedes.''

''Can you even see out of that eye?'' Brittany again tried to gently touch around it.

''Christ on a cracker, please stop touching it,'' Santana whined like a toddler, her injured eye shrinking up even further.

In a clumsy rush they resumed putting on their bridesmaid outfits, grunting and shimmying into them at awkward angles, helping each other zip up until they were both finally in their strapless soft creamy beige bridesmaid dresses. They were thankfully fully dressed by the time the taxi came to a halt and their driver announced they were at their destination. They threw some bills at him and made their exit with the wedding dress and began sprinting off. Brittany led the way because Santana's swollen eye was making it harder for her to navigate.

The actual ceremony was taking place outside under the sun in a sectioned off area of a park. There were dozens and dozens of rows of dainty white chairs set out, each of them already occupied with friends and family members of the bride and groom. Beyond the wedding attendees Santana and Brittany both spotted Sam milling about near a beautiful floral arch with a few well wishers. Nearby there was also several musicians playing quiet, romantic string music. There had to be at least a couple hundred people scattered about the wedding site. Quinn and Mercedes as well as the bride's wedding party were nowhere in sight though.

''They were only a few minutes ahead of us,'' said Brittany.

''So where the hell are they?'' Santana wondered in a panic until she spotted a couple of white tents nearby. One had a sign with 'Reception' printed on it in a fancy font with the other marked 'Bridal Party'. ''Over there!''

X

''I'm in my pajamas. My wedding starts in fifteen minutes, Quinn, and _I'm still in my pajamas_.''

Mercedes was, for the first time, beginning to doubt Quinn's word.

They had arrived ten minutes ago and Quinn had ushered her and the rest of the young women into the tent set up for their party. There were several chairs as well as a handful of full length mirrors. From this tent the bridesmaids were to walk out, meet their corresponding groomsmen and walk down the pathway to the arch and minister. The tent's opening would also be where Mercedes would reveal herself to make her final walk down the aisle to meet Sam.

Quinn had assured her that her wedding dress would be here waiting for her at the site along with Brittany and Santana. And yet here they were, their friends were nowhere to be seen and neither was her dress and Mercedes had begun to fear the worst.

''Something is going on, isn't it?'' Mercedes asked. ''I've had this horrible feeling in the back of my head this entire time that something was off just a little bit, with Santana and Brittany and you, but I told myself to give you all the benefit of the doubt. Was I wrong to?'' Mercedes didn't look angry but her disappointment was apparent. ''Tell me what's going and why is my dress missing?''

Nearby Tina, Sugar and Jane murmured their support of this questioning.

Mercedes took a deep breath and straightened her form in an attempt to look firm and commanding, which was rather hard to do since her pajamas. ''Quinn, I'm literally moments away from getting married please tell me I won't have to walk down the aisle in my pajamas with cupcakes printed on my butt? What did you do? What did _they_ do?''

Quinn looked ill.

Santana swore up and down that she would follow them and be there shortly but then again the night before had proven that luck wasn't on their side. Quinn had to wonder if maybe somewhere on the way to the wedding Santana and Brittany had found themselves in yet another completely ridiculous situation that kept them from showing up and saving the day. They might've gotten lost, or had a flat tire or any number of things. They were only moments away from the wedding and it was looking less and less like they were going to show up and more and more likely that Mercedes dress was probably stuck in traffic across town, or possibly worse.

Quinn didn't know what to do or say, all she knew was that she was tired. So very tired. She hadn't slept a wink. Fatigued by it all and without another thought Quinn began to spew her words out rapidly.

''Santana, Brittany and I accidentally tore your dress up last night while we were drunk and high and then Brittany bleed all over it and then I licked a sidewalk and then we went to a strip club to try to fix it and then I had to fight on the side of a street with a rat and then I think they got some lapdances and then we split up and I swear we tried to make this right a million different ways, Mercedes, but...but I think we lost your dress.''

''You what?''

''I'm sorry. We're sorry. We're just...sorry,'' Quinn let it all pour out of her in a comically pathetic sob. ''We're sorry friends who don't deserve you. You who has always been the best of us. The three of us, the three of us really messed up and whatever you want to do with that, we'll accept, I'll accept, even if that means losing your friendship forever. We deserve that and you deserve the world. I'm so sorry we let you down, the b-faces let you down.''

Her shoulders sank with a sort of relief. Even if this was something they could never come back from at least the truth was out there and the truth was, they were the assholes of the story. Each and every one of them.

Except Mercedes.

''Are you serious?'' Mercedes asked, her eyes wide with shock.

Quinn began to sorrowfully nod but stopped when she heard Santana's voice. ''Of course she's not serious,'' Santana pffted as she and Brittany came jogging in, both of them red faced and out of breath. They had very obviously been running about the area. ''We're here and so is your wedding dress.''

''Tada!'' Brittany sang as she pulled it from behind her and made the garment bag dance in front of Mercedes' face. ''We just came from getting it steamed,'' she said as if that had been the plan all along.

''Why do you have a black eye?'' Quinn gaped at Santana's face.

''Lesbian bar fight,'' Santana answered to save face.

''I accidentally elbowed her,'' Brittany explained and then took notice of Quinn. ''Why do you have vomit on you?''

''Long story,'' Quinn answered in return.

''Wait so you guys do have my dress?'' Mercedes asked for clarification as she looked between the three of them, utterly confused. Santana and Brittany immediately began to gently pull the elegant wedding dress out of the garment bag. It was nice, crisp and pristine.

''Because Quinn was just telling me you three ruined my dress,'' Mercedes said. ''There was something about blood and lapdances and licking rats-''

''I didn't lick a rat, I licked the sidewalk. I _fought_ a rat,'' Quinn spoke up to clarify. ''Difference.''

Santana laughed and shoved Quinn behind her in order to address Mercedes herself. ''That's Quinn for you, always a laugh riot. Clearly that was a joke because as you can see your dress is perfect and beautiful, just like you, Mercedes.''

''It's time you get into it,'' Brittany urged with a couple of encouraging claps.

Mercedes didn't know what to make of their frantic explanations or Quinn's wild story but she didn't see the point in questioning it. She had more pressing matters to tend to, like the fact that she was moments away from her wedding. She didn't have time to worry or wonder when they began to play the procession music. Brittany sorted the slight train while Santana fiddled with making sure her veil was adjusted and Quinn helped zip Mercedes in. It took a few minutes but with the help of the rest of the bridal party soon the bride to be was wearing her dress. Mercedes looked angelic.

Quinn turned to Tina, Sugar and Jane and gave them all a single nod, signalling to them that it was time for them to begin walking out and so they did, staggering their exits until it was just Santana, Brittany and Quinn standing there with Mercedes.

''This is it,'' Mercedes said with a deep calming breath. ''I can't believe it. I'm about to get married. Me, Mercedes Jones, is about to get married.''

The bride to be closed her eyes and paused as she let this fact wash over her.

''Just so you guys know,'' Mercedes started and took a moment to look each of them in the eyes. ''Despite what went down last night at the bachelorette party...I'm really glad the three of you are here. I do think after today we maybe need to have a few conversations about our friendships going forward, but, I'm really excited about this new chapter of my life and I hope you guys are going to be there to be a part of it. I also hope that I get to be there too for whatever new chapters you guys discover for yourself. Not just for marriages but promotions, kids-''

''Bail hearings?'' Santana offered with a chuckle.

''Probably,'' Mercedes said with a smirk. ''Seeing as how I'm most likely gonna be the one posting the money for y'alls disorderly asses. You know what I mean though. I know it's fun to reminisce but the truth is we're not kids anymore. We haven't been for a long time.''

Santana bowed her head and spoke with complete sincerity. ''We know and I think I speak for all of us when I say from this point on we're gonna start acting like it.''

''You totally have our word,'' Brittany added on.

''Cross our hearts,'' Quinn said. ''I'll even lick a sidewalk to prove it.''

''Gross,'' laughed Mercedes who smiled with ease at them. ''But not necessary. For the record I don't want you guys to start taking care of yourselves for me, I want you to start taking care of yourselves _for yourselves_. You get that right?''

Quinn, Santana and Brittany nodded in understanding. Mercedes responded by pulling them in for a big group hug that last for several moments. When Mercedes eventually pulled herself away from the embrace she had obviously shed a few tears. Quinn helped wipe them away, careful to not ruin or mess up Mercedes make up.

''You should get out there,'' Santana told her. ''Go make that guppy faced doofus the luckiest guy in the world.''

Mercedes sniffled. ''Wait, the three of you aren't going to walk the procession?''

Quinn looked to Santana who looked to Brittany who looked back to Quinn.''You know…'' Quinn began on their behalf. ''I think we're gonna hang back and let this be all about you today.''

''Are you sure?'' Mercedes asked.

''We're sure,'' Brittany said, tilting her head up, encouraging Mercedes to go on ahead. ''You have Tina and the rest of the bridesmaids out there. The three of us are going to sit in the back and act like adults, for once. This is your day, we'll be here supporting you... _quietly_.''

Mercedes then took one more moment for herself before Santana and Brittany pulled at the tent opening and held it for her as she walked through and out into the sunlight. They let the drappy partitions fall once Mercedes was on the other side of it and simply listened then as the music became even more sentimental sounding and they heard appreciative whispering and gushing from the wedding guests who were obviously in awe of Mercedes in her wedding gown.

And then it was just the three of them standing in the tent.

''You stupid bitches did it,'' Quinn said laughing with mad relief now that it was finally - finally - all over.

X

Several moments later our three little assholes found their way out of the tent and made their way to the rear of the event where they located a long empty bench. It was the nosebleed section but none of them seemed to be bothered by that fact. They had a nice breeze as well as some shade provided by a tree and they were still able to see and hear Mercedes and Sam speak their vows. The bride and groom wore matching grins as they stood under the floral arch. Hand in hand they promised to stand by each other, for better or worse, for richer or poorer for the rest of their lives.

It was lovely. It was gorgeous. It was love.

And in that moment it was worth it, all of that running around, all of their panic and stress, all of it had been worth it to give Mercedes her perfect day, her perfect wedding.

Quinn began to tear up as she sat between Santana and Brittany.

''Are you crying?'' Brittany asked in a whisper.

''I didn't know you could do that,'' Santana said in a sort of awe.

''Shut up,'' Quinn laughed through her happy tears as she stared ahead. ''It's a beautiful wedding. I can't think of a person more deserving of it than her.''

''And thus concludes the story of how three little assholes saved the wedding,'' Brittany said dreamily.

''And they all lived happily ever after,'' Quinn added.

''So are we just never gonna tell Mercedes?'' Brittany asked.

''We'll tell her,'' Santana assured. ''Maybe after the honeymoon though. We should let her have some time to enjoy being a newlywed. I'm sure she'll be pissed after we give her all the facts and she might throttle one or two of us but...I think she'll forgive us. Especially considering we came through and made it right in the end.''

''Yeah,'' said Quinn. ''Plus if you ask me getting thrown up on was penance enough.'' She made a wave to the front of her dress where there was still a very large and noticeable vomit stain from her earlier encounter with Kitty.

''Atleast you can take that dress off. I have a fucking black eye,'' Santana chuckled and pointed at the red and swollen side of her face. Her injured eye was now virtually sealed shut from the swelling. Her usually stunning face had definitely seen better days.

Quinn made a small noise with her mouth, considering all of this. ''If you think about it this is kind of what we deserve after the way we acted. To be bruised and covered in vomit.''

Brittany chuckled. ''Maybe you guys do, but I don't. I am thankfully vomit and bruise free. The universe must like me a lot more.''

Less than a second later a couple of liquidy droppings fell down onto the top of Brittany's head. She stood completely still for a second in shock.

''Did-''

''A bird just pooped in your hair,'' Quinn cracked up, tickled pink like a child as she looked above at the nearby tree. The tree had been shading them comfortably but unfortunately now that Quinn was looking closely there appeared to be several birds nests resting up in the branches. It seemed that one of the creatures had made a few droppings that incidentally floated down straight into Brittany's hair.

''Oh my gross,'' Brittany said, drawing out the words with horror.

''The universe just took a dump in your hair,'' Santana cackled wickedly.

Quinn joined in, giggling at the absurdity, at their twisted bad luck. ''See, as I was saying maybe this is where we belong. In the back row covered in vomit, bruises and bird poop. Maybe the universe is telling us to get our crap together otherwise it's going to keep throwing up on us or punching us in the face or pooping on us.''

Santana waved down a waiter who had servings of water. She took a drink for each of them and handed them down.

''I want to make a toast, to getting our crap together and to none of us ever doing any of that ever again.''

They clinked their glasses together in agreement and celebration.

X

An hour later the ceremony had long since ended but everyone was still milling about the area. Champagne and horderves were served as guests mingled about, enjoying each others company and admiring the wedding party off in the distance as a photographer took pictures of them at the site, surrounded by nature. Naturally Quinn, Santana and Brittany had opted out of the photo op, what with the vomit, black eye and poo, they weren't exactly picture ready.

Off on their own Santana and Quinn were standing about together as they watched Brittany a few yards away from them as she attempted to wash her hair in a bird bath. It was a ridiculous sight, but considering the past 24 hours it wasn't the weirdest thing any of them had done.

''You should go for it,'' Quinn said.

''What?''

''You and Brittany,'' Quinn started again pointedly. ''You should go for it.''

''Why is that?''

''All of that stuff I said at the strip club...about you never being able to care about anyone but yourself, it was wrong. I know it's not true. I knew it wasn't true when I said it. I know you care about me and Mercedes, but most of all her. Brittany.''

''And what makes you so sure?''

Quinn smiled and shrugged. ''Because Brittany's trying to wash poop out of her hair in a park bird bath over there and you're looking at her like...like...she's the most perfect thing you've ever seen. Her head is literally covered in shit but you can't even see it. That means something, Santana. I don't know exactly what happened between the two of you way back when, but if there's anything that last night taught me it's that _it's never too late to fix something that's broken_.''

''You think?''

''I know. I also know I can say shitty things-''

''We can both say shitty things.''

''Me more than you though,'' Quinn said, taking responsibility for her unpleasant words the previous evening. ''But no matter what I may have said before you're a really good friend with a really good heart. You should give her a second chance...you should give yourself one too.''

''Look at you being all wise,'' Santana said, pulling Quinn in to a side hug as they continued to watch Brittany rinse the bird poo out of her hair.

''I'm not wise, I'm delirious, I haven't slept. You should go help her and talk it out though,'' Quinn encouraged her with a nudge of her shoulder and then pointed off a short distance away at the tent marked 'Reception' that was still empty of people. ''I bet you there's probably some napkins or hand towels or something in that tent. Besides that eye of yours looks like it could use some ice. So why don't you and her go have a nice little private chat in there while you both get cleaned up?''

''And what are you going to do?''

Quinn yawned and made a show of checking her watch. ''I'm gonna go see if I can find a place to nap until they're ready to cut the cake.''

With that Quinn started off, disappearing into a crowd of people nearby. Brittany meanwhile came to join Santana.

''Hey,'' Santana greeted her. ''You look better.''

''I do?'' Brittany's hair looked weak and stringy. ''I feel like some of it's still in there. It was hard to do anything without shampoo. Plus some wise ass squirrel kept running up on me too.''

Santana laughed and began to guide Brittany move along with her. ''Come on.''

''Where are we going?''

''To hopefully get cleaned up.''

Santana walked them to the tent marked for 'Reception' and pulled them inside. It was empty of people but there were several tables set up with food and flowers. In the center and towards the rear of the space was a very beautiful, very elaborate wedding cake set up on one side of the table while the other was host to several bottles of champagne which were chilling in buckets. They were careful to avoid the cake and instead made for the buckets of ice. Thankfully there was a stack of fancy hand towels nearby. Santana immediately picked one up and ran it across Brittany's head several times, trying to dry her hair as much as possible. Brittany meanwhile went about wrapping a piece of ice up into a towel and applying it to Santana's swollen eye and cheek.

''You know what just occurred to me?'' Santana asked, her face wincing slightly as she felt the cold press against her face.

''What?''

''It just occurred to me that I totally slept with the hottest bridesmaid at the wedding.''

Brittany laughed at the remark. ''Yeah no, I have to disagree with you on that.''

''You do?''

''Mmhm. You couldn't have slept with the hottest bridesmaid at the wedding because I slept with the hottest bridesmaid at the wedding.''

''Oh you did, did you?''

''Totally did,'' Brittany said confidently.

''I'm pretty sure I look busted right now, Britt.'' Santana waved to her temporarily disfigured face.

''Yeah well, I'm pretty sure I still have bird poop on my scalp and you still think I'm hot.''

''Well yeah.''

''You could have a busted face or be covered in barf or bird poo and you would still be the most beautiful girl here in my eyes. I mean, Mercedes is a close number two since she is the bride and all, but if you ask me it's you. It'll always be you.''

Santana swallowed as Brittany pulled her in closer and again pressed some soothing ice to her face. ''You know what you said last night?''

Brittany raised her brows, waiting quietly. ''What?''

''You said it was like we decided that if we couldn't be happy together, we'd be miserable together,'' Santana said, paraphrasing Brittany's words from earlier. ''Being sloppy at the reception, giving that fucking inappropriate toast, fucking up the dress and everything in between. It was messy, I've been messy because I've been miserable but I don't want to be miserable anymore.''

Brittany blinked rapidly. ''Me neither. This whole wedding thing has made me look at where I am and where we are and want more than that.''

''Exactly. I want more than that too. Mercedes was right about none of us being kids anymore,'' Santana said with an exhale.

''I know what you mean and I'm right there with you.''

''We're older now and I guess watching Mercedes and Sam get married made me think about us. You know when they were up there talking about all of that for better or worse stuff?''

''Yeah.''

''There is no one in this world who has seen me at my best and at my worst more than you. It just took me a really long time to realize you don't need rings or a fancy dress or a ceremony to make a vow to someone. When you were with me...when we were together you made a vow to me every single day whether you said it out loud or not, I just didn't see it then.''

''I still do you know.''

''Still do what?''

''Every single day I wake up, I make a choice and the choice is always you. Even when we're not together, the choice has always been and will always be you. Maybe that's a vow or maybe it isn't but, I like to think so.''

''So what does this mean going forward?''

''It means...it means…'' Santana smiled with hope. ''I really really want to go home with the hottest bridesmaid at the wedding, and I don't mean that in the sexual way but like, I want to go home with her and I want to spend my life loving her...rings or no rings, wedding or no wedding. I just want her.''

''Really?''

''Uh huh. What do you want?''

''I want the same thing. I want to go home with the hottest bridesmaid too for all the same reasons, except _I totally also mean it in the sexual way_.''

''Yeah?''

''Oh yeah.''

''I'd kiss you if I wasn't so hideous,'' Santana said.

Brittany rolled her eyes and just pulled Santana in towards her anyway. As if a swollen eye would keep Brittany from planting one on her. They sank against each other, dropping their hand towels to embrace the other. They laughed between kisses, relieved and overjoyed at the idea of having a second chance with each other.

It just took a broken ass dress to get them to the other side of all of that silence and pain and misunderstanding.

It began as a few playful pecks but after a few minutes they turned a little bit more deep and a little bit more serious as each kiss became longer and more steamy. They carried on like that for awhile, getting hot and handsy and carried away. There was the shared sense that they were liberated from the mistakes of their past and them being them felt overcome with the need to mark the occasion. Maybe this wasn't their wedding, but who said it couldn't be their new beginning and what better way to celebrate a new beginning than with, like, orgasms.

Behind them said table skidded ever so slightly as they found themselves using it to support their weight. They laughed a bit before managing to steady themselves but of course they went right back to fooling around. It was past the point of making out when Brittany got tired of the dry grinding they were doing and picked Santana up for a few seconds before depositing her down _onto_ the table. She gently pulled Santana's butt to the edge and made sure there was plenty of space between Santana's thighs for her.

''Is this okay?'' Brittany asked between deep breathes.

''More than.''

With confidence Brittany showered her with more hurried, frenzied but tender kisses. Her hands travelled all over Santana's body, eager to relearn all of her curves again as she had the night before, only this time it would be in the daylight where she could properly admire. It was Santana who eventually trapped one of Brittany's hands within both of her own and guided it down her front, down to her stomach, silently giving Brittany permission to go further. Brittany didn't need to be told twice.

It was a blur then as their bodies started moving together and against each other as Brittany's hand disappeared up underneath Santana's dress. Santana closed her eyes and wrapped her hands around Brittany's neck, surrendering fully and completely to the sensations of Brittany's touch.

They didn't need to trade 'I dos' to know that what they had between them right here was all they had ever really wanted.

''What in the name of all that is holy!'' someone shouted then, forcing Santana to go still and for Brittany to stop pumping her hand.

Just like that everything came to a halt as they both turned to the tent's entrance to see who had screamed at them but were then confronted with the horrified faces of each and every wedding guest, including Sam and Mercedes, not to mention the minister. Quinn also stood amongst the wedding attendees but of course her expression wasn't so much surprised as it was exhausted.

''This isn't what it looks like!'' Brittany declared to the scandalized crowd.

''This is just uhhhhh bridesmaid duties,'' Santana added on and pulled Brittany's hand out from under her dress. ''Right?''

''Right! Totally bridesmaid duties,'' Brittany shouted in agreement.

Before either of them could make up some half assed lie about how Brittany fingering Santana could possibly be a part of their bridesmaid duties a loud creaky sound came from the table beneath them followed by several smaller horrible buckling sounds until it all came together and the entire structure collapsed. Suddenly they were on the floor along with a several broken bottles of champagne, buckets of spilled ice as well as the tall and elaborate wedding cake which had unfortunately gone splat in the commotion. The cake had been totally and completely demolished in the fall.

They had wrecked the entire scene, unintentionally of course.

''I'm starting to think weddings are bad luck for us,'' Santana sighed to Brittany as they sat amongst the ruins of the Jones/Evans reception.

X

One month later.

''What are you doing right now?'' Quinn asked Santana over the phone.

Quinn was down at the quaint little restaurant she and Mercedes would often frequent. It was the exact same one Mercedes had taken her to when she broke the news to Quinn about her engagement. Mercedes however wasn't here for this outing as she was still on her long honeymoon adventure with Sam.

With Mercedes off on her adventure and with Santana and Brittany heading back to LA after the wedding Quinn had found she had a lot of time by herself. Months ago she would've hated it, having only herself for company with nothing and no one to distract her from having to actually reflect and evaluate herself but the wedding had really shifted something within her. Because of that she had found herself welcoming the opportunity to be alone with herself. It gave her the chance to know herself in a way she hadn't before.

Achieving happiness wasn't about scoring a spouse or getting a ring or checking off trivial things. One could have all of those things but still be utterly discontent. Having things didn't equate to fulfillment. Fulfillment came from within.

She had since realized that she needed to stop waiting for something or someone to land in her lap and give her the adventure she wanted. She had decided to take herself on an adventure. To sweep herself off of her feet. To treat herself to the simple things that she had spent so many years denying herself. Laughter and lightness and food and fun and self love. She read, she cooked, she bought a dog, she stopped wearing her contacts, she let herself be herself and found joy in that.

She had also begun to have a weekly date with herself, allowing herself to relax and unwind. On this particular date she had decided to pop in to the place where this story began to have a quiet meal on her own. While waiting for her waiter to arrive and take her order she passed the time by ringing Santana.

''Just like your normal sunday morning,'' Santana yawned.

''What does that look like now?'' asked Quinn, well aware that since the wedding Santana had outgrown some of her own behaviors as well.

''Brittany's making breakfast and I'm reading the paper in bed.''

Quinn hummed pleasantly. ''Awww, how disgustingly domestic.''

''Shut up,'' Santana warned affectionately.

''Things have been going well for you guys since all of that though, I'm glad. Makes me think when me and Mercedes might be getting wedding invites from you two.''

''Uh yeah no,'' Santana said. ''That's so not gonna happen.''

''You and Brittany getting married?''

''A wedding. There will be no more weddings, at least no big fancy huge ones like Mercedes'. Me and Britt are totally not even there yet but I can assure you if we ever get to be, me and her are just gonna hop a flight to Vegas and do it on our own.''

''That might be for the best considering our luck.''

''Mmhm,'' chuckled Santana. ''Plus after everything that went down with the wedding, with the cake and the fact that Britt and I totally forgot to get housekeeping to clean up after we screwed all over her honeymoon suite, Mercedes pretty much promised me that if Brittany and I ever tied the knot she was gonna wreck shit up at our wedding. It would be totally deserved but like, best to avoid that.''

''I can see that.''

''So what about you, what are you doing?''

''I'm just out to eat,'' answered Quinn.

''Mmm.'' Santana made a long and thoughtful noise. ''You know I was thinking about something I said to Brittany the night before the wedding when the three of us were running around trying to fix the dress.''

''Uh huh.''

''I told her that within the rules of literature and the universe or whatever there are only ever three endings to a story, either someone dies, someone gives birth, or someone gets married. I heard that somewhere and I guess I was wondering, since you're supposedly the smart one, if you thought that was true?''

''You think I'm the smart one?''

''Answer the question dumbass.''

Quinn groaned in playful annoyance. ''I guess...I would hope not.''

''No?''

''No I want to believe that there are a million different possibilities for every story or scenario. I've never much liked movies with cookie cutter happy endings where everything is packed away in a nice little box with a nice little bow. All of those options have such a finality to them but if you ask me ambiguity can be a good thing. I think I'd prefer a good story that has an open ending.''

''I don't know about all that, I think I prefer a good story that ends with an orgasm.''

Quinn rolled her eyes. ''You would because you're disgusting.''

''Says the chick who has a weird pavement licking kink!''

''That is not a thing! You made me do that!''

''I did no such thing, you were all 'hey Brittany, Santana, watch me lick this sidewalk' and then we did and just for the record we didn't appreciate you subjecting us to your revolting pavement fetish without our consent.''

Quinn exhaled as if she were dealing with a giant aggravating child. ''Santanaaaaaa.''

''What?''

''Go eat your breakfast or go eat Brittany because I am ending this call. Thank you and goodbye,'' sang Quinn through laughter.

She grinned down at her phone as she heard Santana's own laughter come through before the line went dead.

''Are you ready to order?'' a waiter asked as he suddenly appeared Quinn's table, pen and pad in hand.

Quinn raised her brows and looked over the menu she had in front of her. On a bit of an autopilot she began to speak, rambling off her usual meal when she went out ''yeah um, I'm gonna go with the cobb salad with no chicken, no bacon, no cheese and no avocado.''

The waiter made a strange face at her request but wrote it down all the same. ''Okaaaaay, that's all you want?'' he asked.

''Is that all I want?'' she repeated to herself and took a deep breath. ''Is...that...all...I...want?''

Quinn studied her menu as the waiter studied her.

Then she remembered the unspoken vow she made to herself after the wedding to let go of expectations and enjoy life and all of it's tiny seemingly inconsequential joys. She wanted so much more.

''You know what? Scratch that cobb salad, I think I'm going to have a burger with fries with extra bacon and cheese and my friend Mercedes is in love with your brownie cheesecake. She has it almost every time she comes in here, you wouldn't happen to have any of that laying around?''

''The brownie cheesecake is our specialty, of course.''

''Great.'' Quinn closed her menu and handed it off to the young man. ''I'll have a splice of that, actually no, two slices of that. I'm gonna take one to go.''

''You got it,'' said the waiter who soon toddled off with her amended order.

Quinn smiled as she watched him go and returned to her items in front of her. Her phone, her book, her coffee.

She didn't have a happily ever after kind of romance or the meaningless status or false sense of validation that came with it and that was okay she now knew, because even with none of that _she still had herself_. And she herself was a pretty awesome thing she was discovering. Now that she was on the other side of it and enjoying herself for the first time in her life she was definitely finding that there really was something to this.

The life of a bachelorette.

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 **I'm sorry for sucking you guys but here it is. It's not my best work but I think this silly story deserved some kind of ending and I hope you found some enjoyment in it.**

 **I know we didn't end on brittana but I felt like ending on Quinn would be the perfect bookend. We begin on her in the restaurant and we end on her in the restaurant. It doesn't circle back like that in the movie but I felt it should've. In the first scene Quinn is sitting there ordering a pathetic salad, denying herself and being generally miserable while Mercedes, fulfilled and joyful, allows herself to be human and to actually eat. Circling back to Quinn here in the last scene and watching her literally want to take a bite out of the world, I felt like that was a nice note to end on.**

 **On another note I really like the title Bachelorette because it could literally be referring to any of the lead characters here, they're all bachelorettes. There's no one clear cut central character, the bachelorette is who you want it to be. The focus of the story is who you want it to be. Also I just think it's a cool word that we should all be using.**

 **I'm a bachelorette :)**


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